Doom3: Satans Planet

I have the first chapter to a story I'm writing and I want to know if you like. (It's a little short.)

****************
Satan’s Planet
By Dr.Doom



Chapter I-Nightmares
The wind howled with cold hatred; I lay in my bed staring up at the black ceiling which almost seemed to move by it self. My head tilted toward the glow clock next to my bed. It was 1:45 AM; I couldn’t get any sleep because I had a dream that all my friends were dead. In the dream I was at school and went to my friends locker which was always a mess. He wasn’t there. So I continued to search the halls…no one. Everyone was a complete stranger, they didn’t see me and their voices were in some distant void because all I could hear when some one talked was just a hum. Then I saw my teacher, Mrs. Vern who had short brown hair and blue eyes. I asked her where all my friends went but I could hardly make out the words except for one, “Killed.” I woke up by the sound of wicked laughing, like a lost soul. When I got up I went over to the light switch, which turned on the light over my bed. Everything seemed normal until I opened the door to the hallway. I caught a glimpse of a giant head staring at me for a split second. I ran to my bed and tossed myself under the covers. The light mysteriously went out by itself; I could hear breathing…deep breathing…slowly…breathing…getting closer…closer…I could feel a dreadful being upon me. Later that day I didn’t pay much attention to what happened earlier. It was lunch time and I was on the way down to the cafeteria when everyone around me stopped. Stopped talking, stopped blinking, stopped breathing, just stood still. For one second everything, including me, was non-existent. I shook my head and continued on my way I must be seeing things, I thought to myself. I went into the cafeteria and met up with my friend Shortie.
“Hey Alex.” He said to me,
“Hey Shortie. So, have you played Doom 3 lately?” I asked
“Yea, in fact I just got past this one level where you go through a door and all the sudden a head like thing pops out at you, it’s pretty big too.”
A head like thing? I wondered. Like I saw?
I held out my hand like stopping traffic.
“WOA, a head?”
“Yea, why?”
“Well I saw that this morning when I opened my door!!!”
“Heh, really?” Shortie said putting a sarcastic look on his face.
“Dude I AM SERIOUS, I SAW IT!”
“Sure you did, I think you’re playing too much Doom 3.”
“Did you at least experience the time anomaly a few minutes ago?”
“Oh yea, I did.”
“Really?”
“No of course not, I dunno what you’re thinking but stop smoking whatever it is that you are.”
Shortie went back to the lunch table and sat down. Smoking? I’m not old enough to smoke yet. But maybe Shortie was right, maybe I was a whacko and just imagining all this. But it seemed real to me, extremely REAL and I had to figure out what was going on. I proceeded through the lunch line, but then I heard something snap. It was the ground, it was breaking apart. Something jumped at me from the ceiling and I jumped away just in time but that was a bad mistake, I fell into the broken ground along with the others. All of them…

Chapter 1/Part II-Fire in the sky
Blood…blood was everywhere. It was on the ground and on the walls and even on me. Trembling, I stood up and looked at the sky. It was an overcast day, orange flickered behind the clouds like lightning and it took me a few seconds to realize, I’m in Hell. There was a voice nearby,
“save us,” they said. I walked about to see where it was from and finally I stumbled upon a glowing…cube. I had seen this before…it was a soul cube; The artifact in which the life on Mars used to banish the demons of the underworld. I reached for it as the voices persisted.
“Now, make them pay…make them suffer,” They said.
“Make who suffer?”
I said this as I heard screeches coming from a hallway. A gray creature with many red eyes jumped into view, it was an imp.
“Quick, how do I use the cube?!” I asked keeping my eyes fixed on the thing. It began standing up menacingly.
“Throw us, throw us now.” I looked at it again, it was readying a fireball. Thinking quickly I tossed the cube, many spikes ejected from the cube and it sliced trough the arm as blood splattered on the floor. It hissed in pain and lurched and hit me with its claw, luckily only on the right part of my ribcage that was away from the heart. Down on the ground I looked at the injury, a 1 cm gash 5 inches long. The imp was clawing and biting and the wound. It was eating me, I felt some thing burn inside me. Many people referred to it as an adrenaline rush. Out of nowhere I jabbed my knee into its stomach spewing blood and guts everywhere. It fell into the same position I was in while I took up the soul cube.
“It is time,” I said taking a pistol from my pocket and firing it 12 times into the imps head, that was as many clips I had left in the thing. I kept the pistol because you never know when some things can come in handy. I walked into the hall the imp came from and found myself in a big area with rock walls on all side.
“Drop us now, there is something coming,” The cube said.
I let go and it fell to the ground with a clank.
“What now?”
“Leave, leave now and never come back to Hell!”
“Um, ok how do I-”
“-Just go.”
And I left...quickly.

Shouldn't this go in the fanfics forum?

Yes, yes it should.

Nice story, Mr. Doom. :) Interesting. Is there more?

No, it's being worked on. Would you like me to contact you when another chaper's done?

Dr.Doom said:

No, it's being worked on. Would you like me to contact you when another chaper's done?

That's okay, you can just post the update here.

New Chapter.

Chapter 2-Back on Earth…back from Hell
“Back on Earth, back from Hell I just rose from a fiery well. All were dead covered with red. Back on Earth, back from Hell,” This was what I thought when I came back to the unsoiled world above the ground.
“What kind of shit-ass stuff happened while I was gone?” I said looking at the overturned tables, shattered glass, cracked walls and floors. I knelt down picking up shards of the tiled floor.
“It looks like some kind of scratch marks on this; Peculiar,” I said running my fingers across the piece. Wait, whatever it was that did this this is still here I thought. I felt my tongue on some blood from the floor and spit it out. It wasn’t human, or of this Earth. I heard someone laughing, it was a light echoing laugh that sent shivers down my spine.
“Hello? Is anyone there?” I asked slowly standing up. My eyes began to feel sore, and after five minutes they began to sting more than ever.
“Ahhh! MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!” I shouted banging my fists on the walls and drooling and hitting myself until I could feel no more pain, or couldn’t feel anything at all. Everything I looked at was a fiery orange; This wasn’t my school I said. The walls were splattered with some kind of writing done in blood and there were skeletons lined against the wall. Some still had their eyes, or tongues. I tried to move but couldn’t, my shock was so terrifying that I trembled to the ground into blackness. I was unconscious and an easy target to predators.
“Hey, wake up!” It was Shortie.
“Shortie? Wow, how the Hell did you survive?” I asked.
“Long story, just come with me. I know a way out through the ceiling.”
“Why can’t we just go through one of the entrances?”
“They’re blocked off, ceiled, however you want to say it.”
As I got up I used the wall as a support. I looked around again, the skeletons and blood writing and orangey fog were gone.
“C’mon we should go get some weapons first.” He said and walked away.
“HEY WAIT UP!!!”
Chapter 2/Part 2-682
After we left the cafeteria and proceeded down the halls we found this room with 3 doors on each side, one said “Principal’s office.”, the other said “Assistant’s office.” and the last one said “Storage room.” Shortie tried to open the storage door and put a disappointed look on his face.
“It’s locked, shit.”
I remembered I still had the unloaded pistol in my pocket. I held it by the barrel and hit off the handle of the door and the door swung open.
“Uh, Alex…where did you get that?”
“Well my dad owns a hunting lodge and, you get the idea.”
Inside we found a locker cabinet with a touch panel. It must’ve had a lock code.
“So is this where we find the weapons?” I asked.
“Supposedly, we just need the code to-”
“-Hey look Shortie I found a PDA on the floor.”
“Good work, any data logs or E-mails?”
“One E-mail, one data log.”
“Ok let’s hear it.”
“This is the audio log of Principle Gordon, we keep on having strange events throughout the school. The more and more these happen the more and more I feel concerned for our students education and safety, I would like to request all the doors being locked and supplies sealed.”
“Okay.” Shortie said, “Read the E-mail.”
“Dear Principle Gordon,
We have received your complaints about the events and we are also concerned about your students safety. We must state that this is a very dangerous event you are going through and abandoning the school is recommended. In case you decide to stay we will have a locker filled with armaments sent to your room at 1:30 today with the locker code of 682.
-LPS, Local Police Service.”
I entered in the code into the locker storage and well enough it slid open.
“Whoa, look at this!” I exclaimed picking up a shotgun.
“And this,” Shortie said picking up an assault rifle. In the locker there was also ammunition, a few stimpacks and 4 armor suits. Me and Shortie put on the armor, it was a comfortable fit, bullet resistant material on the outside, leather padding on the inside. We took the ammo and stimpacks and put them in our new belts. I was first to load, then I showed Shortie how to load his gun. We continued down the shattered hallways until we found a staircase. Since it was a 3 floor building and we needed to get through the roof we went up to the third floor. When we got there we went to Shorties homeroom, # 308. In there we found piles of blood splattered homework and a TV. I turned on the TV and tuned onto the news.
“Earlier today we heard that NASA was launching spacecrafts to Mars to check up on the research facility called Mars City. Now for more updates on that topic. NASA will be sending out two final spacecrafts today for the voyage. The craft DoveWing will be departing at 3:30 today and the other, Darkstar will depart at 6:00 tonight.”
I checked my watch, it was 2:00 PM.
“Hey, Shortie. Do you think we could make it to NASA in time for Darkstar?”
Shortie was looking over a paper.
“How do you suppose we do that?”
“I know this rich guy, Derick. He has a private helicopter.”
“Okay, how do we get there?”
“We drive,” I said breaking out some car keys from a cabinet.
“You can drive?”
“No, but it’s worth a try.”
“Okay whatever buddy, I’m with you all the way.”
“I knew you’d come through.” I stated cracking out the hatch door to the roof. We climbed up and found a ladder going down to the parking lot. We must’ve searched at least 20 cars before we found the model the keys said. A blue Ford Ferrari, not a bad vehicle. It even included an onscreen tracking system so we could never get lost. I revved up the engine and headed down the street.
Chapter 2/Part 3-Derick
We pulled up the driveway, swerving side to side since I wasn’t the best driver ever. We left the vehicle and walked up to the doorway of his four story mansion. I placed my thumb onto the doorbell switch. Derick answered the door,
“Oh, Alex and Shortie! What are you doing here? And what are those weapons for?”
“Safety reasons,” I said walking in. “Listen, we need to borrow your helicopter.”
“Why?”
“Because we need to get to NASA by 6:00 tonight.”
“I can drive you.”
“Sure whatever, but we need to take off now.”
Derick took a remote out of his pocket and started up the chopper. We went out the back of the house and hopped in the chopper. The ride was like we were birds. We could see the NASA base at the horizon.
“Hey Alex,” Shortie started. “Think we have time to get there?” I looked down at my watch, 3:02.
“We’ve got plenty of time, just lay back and enjoy the ride.

Dr.Doom said:

New Chapter.

Chapter 2-Back on Earth…back from Hell
“Back on Earth, back from Hell I just rose from a fiery well. All were dead covered with red. Back on Earth, back from Hell,”

I know, That line was crappy.