The Toilet of Doom: BFG Edition

FUN FACT: one of the toilets in Mars City contains a mega-turd, in the BFG edition. It also did so in the regular Doom 3, but only after Hell took over the base and you found the zombie ambush in the toilet (as far as I can remember, at least). But in the BFG Edition it's there all along, right from the start. You can also hear some evil shispering voics in the toilets, again I don't know if those were there in the classic Doom 3.

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The turd is there at the beginning of the original D3 game. No need for a hell invasion.

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Maes said:

FUN FACT: one of the toilets in Mars City contains a mega-turd


Bet it was FORCED and PAINFUL.

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Both the turd and the whispering are there in Doom 3 prior to the invasion. The zombie ambush is in another toilet in another level.

Eris Falling said:

Bet it was FORCED and PAINFUL.

More like a ruptured anus.

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Maes said:

You can also hear some evil shispering voics in the toilets, again I don't know if those were there in the classic Doom 3.


They were, and strangely, you can hear them there in the first Mars City level, before the invasion. A simple copy-paste error, I'll bet.

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Caffeine Freak said:

They were, and strangely, you can hear them there in the first Mars City level, before the invasion. A simple copy-paste error, I'll bet.


Or an ominous harbinger of DOOM/easter egg for those with too much time on their hands and the morbid curiosity to explore imaginary toilets? ;-)

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Well, you have to be careful when you eat foreign food. Especially if you are a delta-lab teleport volunteer.

Can't say I have noticed any giant jobbies in Doom 3 myself. Just a thought, can the grabber pick it up? LOL

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Captain Toenail said:

Can't say I have noticed any giant jobbies in Doom 3 myself. Just a thought, can the grabber pick it up? LOL


This needs a mod!

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Captain Toenail said:

Well, you have to be careful when you eat foreign food. Especially if you are a delta-lab teleport volunteer.

Can't say I have noticed any giant jobbies in Doom 3 myself. Just a thought, can the grabber pick it up? LOL

Nope. It's actually part of the toilet model from what I can tell :P Even if it's a separate model, both are treated as static, ie., like they're part of the level rather than entities.

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Captain Toenail said:

Can't say I have noticed any giant jobbies in Doom 3 myself. Just a thought, can the grabber pick it up? LOL

Well, it's better than picking it up with your hands like in DNF. :P

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Quasar said:

Nope. It's actually part of the toilet model from what I can tell :P Even if it's a separate model, both are treated as static, ie., like they're part of the level rather than entities.


Pretty sure it's just a patch mesh, actually. And it would have to be converted into a moveable ASE/LWO collision model if you wanted to make it so the Grabber could throw it.

I can't believe a thread about a giant shit log in a toilet within a video game has gotten this many replies.

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Caffeine Freak said:

I can't believe a thread about a giant shit log in a toilet within a video game has gotten this many replies.


The funny thing is, such shit logs really do exist: I've seen my fair share of them during my military service. They are usually the mark of the newbie, who can't hack using the army's manly squat toilets, and so just hold it up for up to a week at a time. Needless to say, the subsequent bowel evaquation is literally FORCED and PAINFUL (and in one, big, almost superhumanly sized piece).

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I'm assuming that the culprit is that marine that walks out of the bathroom when you pass by it after meeting with Sarge. Not sure if it was there beforehand, though, I'll have to check.

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I looked for the giant poo when I got the PS3 version of the game. It didn't disappoint.

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Sodaholic said:

I'm assuming that the culprit is that marine that walks out of the bathroom when you pass by it after meeting with Sarge.


I met him BEFORE meeting with Sarge, and now that you mention it, he DID sound a bit embarassed and avoidant ;-) Maybe some noclip wizardry will reveal his actual position in the bathroom before the scripted sequence kicks in...

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Caffeine Freak said:

I can't believe a thread about a giant shit log in a toilet within a video game has gotten this many replies.

Well, the giant shit log is a good analogy for Doom 3.

(Nah, Doom 3 wasn't that bad. Just completely mediocre.)

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Would the lower gravity on Mars make it harder to, you know... actually do it? Splash back may be a bigger problem.

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Captain Toenail said:

Would the lower gravity on Mars make it harder to, you know... actually do it? Splash back may be a bigger problem.


The design of the toilets seems to prevent that: there is a sort of dry, raised grate which holds the produce in full view until it's flushed away -reminds me of the infamous German step toilets, in a way). Gravity seems artificially compensated for somehow, at least indoors and in work areas. I didn't notice if during outdoors ventures you can walk faster or jump higher/longer, though.

Even if the gravity compensation broke down just in the toilet, at most you'd see your turds drop more slowly, but due to the different gravity constants, the splash would be about the same as on earth.

Hmm..OK, some physics.

Let's say that, on Earth, Doomguy dumps a log of mass m1 from height h1, with a total potential energy of E1=m1 * g * h1. In order to be splashed back, a certain mass m2 of water must gain enough kinetic energy to reach the height of Doomguy's ass, which is h1.

For simplicity's sake, we'll assume that the log falls in one piece, and that due to its shape and energy conversion efficiency and toilet design considerations, it delivers half of its energy to a mass of water with half its mass, so m2 = m1/2, and E2=E1/2 => m2 * g * h2 = (m1/2) * g * h1. This means that, if you assume a 50% energy conversion efficiency (HALF of the potential energy of the turd becomes kinetic and then potential energy of the back splash), then if the maximum amount of water affected is at most half as heavy as the turd, it will reach Doomguy's ass. By displacing less water but transferring the same energy it will also make Doomguy wet :-(

Now, by repeating the same calculations on Mars, with a lower gravity constant g than earth's nothing would change as to the risk of a back splash, as the constant would change by the same amount on both sides of the E2 = E1/2 equation, QED ;-)

Now, if a turd was released at Earth gravity and the moment it hit the water the gravity generator broke down and the water was suddenly at Mars gravity.... ;-)

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Clonehunter said:

Shit math.

By "shit math", do you mean math that is used to calculate things relating to shit, or that the math is poorly done/thought out?

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Maybe he meant "Shit, math".

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Netherstorm said:

Do demons take dumps?

Maybe? I don't have a freaking clue...

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I want to congratulate this thread for so narrowly escaping the gaping maw of Post Hell.

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Sodaholic said:

By "shit math", do you mean math that is used to calculate things relating to shit, or that the math is poorly done/thought out?



The former. And what Maes said.

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