Losered to death
I don't mean to revive an old topic like this, but I just found these on my hard drive:
1. You walk around with your head swaying to match the bobbing motion
2. You spin 180 degrees and walk backwards whenever you hear a sound behind you
3. You hear a minor pick-up sound when you eat food, pick up milk bottles, a box of Band-Aid etc.
4. You start side stepping around corners...
5. Whenever you open a door, you make a noise to see if you can hear anything wake up in the room beyond.
6. You open a door, side step into the room facing left, and then duck out, repeating the process facing right before entering properly.
7. Your favourite song has a name like D_E1M5
8. The shirts and pants you own are all solid colours – bright green, grey, red or brown
9. You zigzag when you walk down a long, straight hallway.
10. You spend a fortune stocking up on emergency medical kits, "Just in case".
11. You refuse to put on a T-shirt in the morning, unless it is bright green or bright blue and standing up on its own just above the ground.
12. You begin to wish that you could actually use the mouse to move you around in real life.
13. You're shocked that you keep running into walls, despite shouting out the code "IDCLIP"
14. You're shocked that your eyes don’t turn yellow and you can still fall over and hurt yourself when you shout “IDDQD”
15. You walk up to suspect walls and push against them, grunting.
16. You're surprised that you lose some of your health after jumping out of the window of your seventh floor bedroom.
17. You are amazed every time you manage to jump, duck or look up and down.
18. You can’t understand why, when you run, you can’t reach anything near 50 MPH
19. When you're buying a new car, and are asked to choose a colour, you instinctively choose a bright blue one, because of the greater armour rating...
20. You have bought a big new house and you're wondering why the heck you have never found any secret areas despite visiting every room.
21. You are surprised when you see windows that actually have glass in them.
22. Each time you see an old building made of brownish bricks you start humming a Doom 2 tune.
23. Each time you watch a movie where a guy picks up his weapon, you always think of the line "You Got The Super Shotgun".
24. When you arrive at the public swimming pool, you ask the attendant where the heck the radiation suit is.
25. You are amazed that the other people in the pool can stay in so long and not take damage.
26. You are also confused that everyone seems to move around in the water rather than on it.
27. You are disappointed each night when you go to sleep because you don't get the "end of level" message when you close your eyes.
28. You are using a Doom graphic as wallpaper in your Windows setup.
29. You automatically want to try and save whenever something in life goes well.
30. You keep trying to reload whenever something in life goes badly.
31.Somebody annoys you, and you wonder where you can get a berserk pack so you can gib them just by punching them.
32. When you hear a chainsaw you know someone has run out of ammo.
33. When you glue a shift key to your steering wheel to make your car go faster.
34. If the supermarket doesn't have the item you want, you camp next to the shelf waiting for it to respawn.
35. You know John Romero’s birthday but not your mother's.
36. When you hear a shotgun-like noise you start spinning around and running across the room.
37. When you murder someone you peek over your shoulder to see if he's gonna respawn behind you.
38. When you think your goal in life is to get a red key, a yellow key and a blue key.
39. When you run away from every spider you see thinking it's a new type of Arachnotron
40. When you wonder why you couldn't choose a difficulty setting when you were born.
41. When you watch a black and white movie you wonder why you’re not invincible.
42. You wonder why black and white movies don’t just last a few seconds and then return to full colour.
43. When you try to run diagonally to go faster.
44. When you meet people and wonder why they talk instead of making an unearthly growl or hiss.
45. When you see a hot air balloon and wonder when it will start spitting fireballs.
46. When you press a light switch, you expect an elevator to come down.
47. You walk over everything that's on the ground knowing you will pick it up if you need it.
48. You don't understand why you get food at dinner; all you want are white boxes with red crosses on them or blue bottles.
49. Every time you see an EXIT-sign you run towards it, relieved you ended the level.
50. You see a large group of people walking towards you and try and switch to a rocket launcher to take them out with one shot.
51.You shout "Mancubus!" at fat people.
52.You shout "Revenant!" at tall thin people.
53. You wonder why you haven’t seen any marines impaled on spikes recently.
54. You worry when walking down a street with no dead bodies on it because you haven’t been down that route before.
55. You do something stupid and hope you weren't recording a demo,
56. You can't hold your hands in any position other than the one you use for playing Doom.
57. You don't understand why everybody looks scared when you walk around on the street with only a chainsaw. It just means you couldn’t find any ammo right?
58. You are confused that your chainsaw stops when it runs out of fuel.
59. You are starting to get fed up with this level. You’ve been in it for years and there is still no sign of the exit.
60. When you walk into an empty room you look around for an item to pick up, knowing that as soon as you get it a door is bound to open and monsters will teleport in.
61. When you start side stepping every time you see just anyone to avoid possible fire balls.
62. When you think the normal daylight is too bright ‘cos you prefer dark gloomy corridors.
63. When you play recorded Doom sounds on your walkman.
64. You go to gun shows expecting to see an actual BFG9000.
65. You are amazed that your recent success in wiping out the Hell invasion hasn’t been on CNN.
66. You always keep your distance from barrels just in case they explode in the crossfire.
67. You bought a geographical positioning system but think it is broken because it doesn’t highlight in red where you have been.
68. Only after your hard drive crashed did you realise your wife had filed for divorce, your dog had died and your children were in college.
69. You wonder why your point of view doesn’t follow the guy who killed you when you die.
70. You can come up with a reason that you can tell someone has played too much Doom.