How'd you name monsters if you never knew their official names?

Ok, now let's pretend for a moment that we don't know and never known any official monster names, we never read manuals and we never looked at Doom 2 end monster showcase.. Then what names would you give to the monsters?

Here's how i'd name them:
1) regular zombie (zombieman)
2) security guard zombie (shotgun guy)
3) fat chaingunner (heavy weapon dude)
4) brown monster (imp)
5) bull (demon)
6) invisibull (spectre)
7) fire skull (lost soul)
8) annoying head (cacodemon)
9) bodybuilder (hell knight)
10) advanced bodybuilder (baron of hell)
11) brain with legs (arachnotron)
12) brown shitball (pain elemental)
12) skeleton (revenant)
13) fat blob (mancubus)
14) super-annoying ressurector (arch-vile)
15) OMG HUGE FUCKING BODYBUILDER (the cyberdemon)
16) OMG HUGE BRAIN BOSS (the spider mastermind)
17) a hole in the wall (final boss)

In childhood we didn't have any manuals and it took us quite a while to reach the monster cast sequence. So of course we had some made up names. Most of them were quite boring I guess (of "rifle guy" or "flying head" kind), but what's interesting is that the arch-vile was called "fire skeleton" and we perceived him as an advanced version of the revenant (= just "skeleton"). I think even today I kinda see them as creatures of the same kind. Which is fitting perhaps, as they are often used together, especially in slaughter maps.

Cacos = tomatoes is a common one, and when I was a child I called hks & barons = cows.

I called demons "pigs" the first time I saw them and it became a habit that never wore out.

Zombie
Shotgun guy(literally)
Commando
Brown zombie (IKR)
Pink demon
Invisible demon
Flying skull
Skull spitter
Tomato
Green goatman
Red goatman
Fire skeleton(yep)
Skeleton(yep)
Fat one
Spider
Big spider
Minotaur
Satan(IoS)

I'm being honest here.

imp: murder mutant
demon: pinky goblin
cacodemon: meatball daemon
arch-vile: pissed-off martian
revenant: agitating skeleton

More seriously, though.
For the zombies, it'd be names like "green guy, black guy, red guy" referring to their hair or uniform colors (not their skin). The imp would be something like "spiked brownie" because it's brown and spikey. Demons would be something gorilla-pigs, spectres would be stealth beasts, cacodemons would be raspberries, lost souls would imaginatively be something like flaming skulls, the cyberdemon would be the minotaur, and the spider mastermind would be Krang.

Zombie
Super Zombie
Chaingun Zombie
Demon (Imp)
Pig (Demon)
Invisible Pig (Spectre)
Flaming Skull (Lost Soul)
Cyclops (Cacodemon)
Brown Super Demon (Hell Knight)
Pink Super Demon (Baron of Hell)
Brain Demon (Arachnotron)
Super Cyclops (Pain Elemental)
Shambler (Revenant)
Flamethrower Demon (Mancubus)
Evil Spirit (Arch-vile)
Giant Super Demon (Cyberdemon)
Super Brain Demon (Spider Mastermind)
Final Super Demon (Final Boss)

Grunt (pistol dude)
Bastard (shotgun dude)
Spikemonkey (imp)
Pig (pinky)
Brute(s) (baron/s of hell)
Tomato (cacodemon)
Fireskull (lost soul)
Cybertaur (cyberdemon)
Krang (spider mastermind)

And the Doom II selection:

Biker (chaingunner)
Skeleton (revenant)
Lumpy (pain elemental)
Fatty (mancubus)
Skinny (archvile)
Blue eyes (arachnotron)

My mind works in simple ways.

Huh. My little brother always calls the imps as monkeys.
In fact here's a list of what he says
Zombie
Zombie
Zombie
Monkey
Devil
Invisible devil
Green guy
Red guy
Fire head
Red one(cacodemon)
Fat guy
Spider
Bigger spider
Fire guy
Bone guy
Big guy(cyberdemon)
Boss

He's only six.

Ya need somethin'?
Zombieman:Green-Haired Dumb Fuck
Shotgun Guy:Shinny Headed Bald Fuck
Chaingunner:Ball Breaking Baldy Gunner
Imp:Bald Fireball Scratching Demon
Demon:Horned Pink Fucker
Spectre:Horned Invisible Fucker
Lost Soul:Ghost Rider Wannbe Flaming Skull
Cacodemon:Red Hising Annoying Floater
Revenant:Agitated Punching Rocketeer Skeleton
Arch-Vile:Shinny Headed Skinny Perverted Annoying Resurrecting Mother-Fucker
Hell Knight:Royal Hell Guard
Baron of Hell:Royal Prince of Hell's Army
Arachnotron:Shit Brained Bastard in Cybernetic Legs
Mancubus:Donut Eating Fatso with Dual Flame Cannons
Pain Elemental:Duck Fucking Pain in the Ass Elemental
Cyberdemon:Big Fucking Half-Demon'n'Half-Cyborg Rocketeer
Spider Mastermind:Big Shit-Brained Bastard in Big Cybernetic Legs
Icon of Sin:The Imprisioned Almighty Elthedich Abomination

Hope you don't mind the excessive swearing, but i felt like it.

Green haired guy
Bald guy
Mexican guy (I always thought he looked like he had a mexican style mustache)
Spikes
Gorilla Pig
Flying Skull
Red flying circle
Goat Demon
Muscle Goat Demon
Krang
Ugly flying circle
Basketball player's skeleton
Sumo Demon
Lanky lookin' thing
Giant Krang
Giant Goat Demon

I Knew Monsters names from Skulltag Obituaries, But i would call it this way if i didn't :

Cacodemon : Flying tomato monster
Arch-vile : The Yellow skeleton
Revenant : Fireballs skeleton
IMP : Brown creature
Lost soul : Flying skull
Pain Elemental : Flying skulls spawner
Sergeant Zobmie : Shotgun Zombie
Pistol Zombie : Zombie
Wolfenstein SS : Wolfenstein guy
Cyberdemon : Giant Cybergoat
Hell Knight, Baron of Hell : Goat Monsters
Spider Mastermind : Cyberspider .
Pinky demon : Pig .

Pistol Zombie
Shotgun Zombie
Spikey Brown Inferno
Bull Pink
Hell Rider
Lightning Eye
Brown Goat Ogre
Pink Goat Ogre
Spider Baby
Breed Spawner
Spooky Scary Skelemissiles
Obese Barbecue
Flaming Asshole
Big Momma Chain-Spider
Rocket Man

translated to english:
cacos: tomatoes (of course)
painels: potatoes
pistol man
shotgun man
imp: porcupine
daemon: dog
spectre: invisible dog
hell night: big dog
baron: red dog
(maybe because we did not like dogs ;)?)
arach: spider
spidermastermind: big boss spider
cyber: big boss
mancu: omba (from wc2)
sceleton
arch-vile: fireman
chaingun guy: shooting man
ghost

ok, I had lots of different names for the monsters when I was a little kid and scared of life, i'll list the most common names I used, so here we go:

Original names | my version
_____________________________

zombieman = pistol zombie
shotgunguy = shotgun zombie
chaingunner = chaingun zombie
imp = brown demon
pinky = pink dog
spectre = invisible dog
cacodemon = flying meat
lost soul = fire skull
revenant = the living skeleton
pain elemental = fat brown meat
mancubus = chubby one
arachnotron = mini spider
hell knight = brown little minotaur
baron of hell = red little minotaur
arch vile = creepy fast tall skinny demon (sometimes I just called it the fast demon)
Spider Demon = The metal spider
Cyberdemon = The minotaur

Yeah I know, most of them are unoriginal

I would give them the shortest nicks possible.

Zombieman = Pistoller
Shotgun guy = Shotgunner
Heavy weapons dude = Chaingunner
Imp = Spike
Demon = Demon
Spectre = Ghost
Lost soul = Soul
Cacodemon = Redhead
Pain elemental = Souler
Hell Knight = Baron
Baron of hell = Superbaron
Arachnotron = Brain
Revenant = Bone
Mancubus = Fat
Arch-vile = Flamer
Cyberdemon = Rocketeer
Spider mastermind = Superbrain
Icon of sin = Icon of sin (because the level it appears on is called so)
John Romero = Head
Monster spawner = Cube
SS Nazi = Nazi
Commander keen = Kid

When I watched my dad play at four years old, he always called the Imps "pig monsters" because of the noises they make when active.

I somehow never questioned why he never called the Demons pig monsters when they have even more snorty sounds, or the Baron of Hell, which I thought looked like a pig due to its Face and its pink colour.

I only remember seeing my dad fight the Cyberdemon in Gotcha! (I don't remember any Spider Mastermind) and to me, back then, it didn't look as huge as it actually is, so I thought it was just some kind of upgrade to the Generic Pig Monster™ (Baron of Hell) with a Rocket Launcher arm. For this reason I called them "Super Demons" or "Special Demons".

Oh, and I remember watching the menu while my dad was reloading a save or something and asking, "Why are there skulls on the menu when there're no skeletons in the game?" to which, right on cue, a Revenant screamed around the corner and punched the player, killing him in one hit.
From my foggy memory of this, I think it was Plutonia, Level 22: Impossible Mission.
So yeah, I just called them Skeletons.

Eh, I don't think I ever not knew the real names, but if I were to imagine, I suppose most of them would be pretty boring.

Zombieman - Trooper
Sergeant - Shotgunner
Commando - Chaingunner
Imp - Ghoul
Demon - Beast
Spectre - Shadow beast
Cacodemon - Orb
Lost Soul - Skull
Pain Elemental - Skull spawner
Revenant - Skeleton
Arch-vile - Necromancer
Mancubus - Lardass
Baron of Hell - Demon
Hell Knight - Lesser demon
Cyberdemon - Cyborg demon (hey, it describes him to a T...)
Arachnotron - Brain
Spiderdemon - Brain boss

Here we go :)
1) Zombie (zombieman)
2) Shotgunner (shotgun guy)
3) Machine Gunner (heavy weapon dude)
4) Terd (imp)
5) Grumpy Guy (demon)
6) Stealthy Monster (spectre)
7) Tormented Soul (lost soul)
8) Red Blob (cacodemon)
9) Half demon bull thing (hell knight)
10) A palette swap (baron of hell)
11) Spider (arachnotron)
12) Annoying POS (pain elemental)
12) Rocket Skeleton (revenant)
13) Fat Ass (mancubus)
14) Spooky Demon thing (arch-vile)
15) OH SHIT! Where is the BFG? (the cyberdemon)
16) The Second Worst Boss (the spider mastermind)
17) The Worst Boss (final boss)

Assholes

Dinomen
Baldmen
Greater Baldmen
Goblin Fellow
Hellsatan
Shadow Hellsatan
Turbosatan
Babusatan
Skull
Raspberry
Skullspitter
Skeleton
Walrusmen
Lil' Krang Fellow
Mystic Sausager
Bootleg Krang
Rocketlord
Large Goat

Lol ok, here we go:

Zombie guy(Zombie)
Shotgunner (Shotgun Guy)
Fat dude(Heavy Weapons Dude)
Chewbacca (Imp)
Pink doggie (Pinky)
Invisible demon (Spectre)
White Devil (Hell Knight)
Devil (Baron of Hell)
Ghostrider (Lost Soul)
Big red tomato (Cacodemon)
Fucker (Pain Elemental)
Tennis Player (Revenant)
Adipose (Mancubus)
Little brain (Arachnotron)
Bald dude (Archvile)
Huge Brain (Spider Mastermind)
Bull of destruction (Cyberdemon)
Big Fuckhead (Icon of Sin)

-Possessed private (zombieman).
-Possessed sergeant (shotgun guy).
-Possessed commander (chaingunner).
-Mutant (imp).
-Maneater/chupacabra (demon).
-Stealth maneater/chupacabra (specter).
-Fiery skull/decapitated (lost soul).
-Demon head (cacodemon).
-Skullspawner/torture bringer (pain elemental).
-Skeletor (revenant).
-Mechaspider (arachnotron).
-Satyr (hell knight).
-Satyr lord (baron of hell).
-Medusa's slave (mancubus).
-Medic (archvile).
-Taurus/minotaur (cyberdemon).
-Spider cyberlord (spiderdemon).
-Satan (icon of sin).

The Wolfenstein SS, Commander Keen, and Romero's head remain the same.

Green Hair Dude
Shotgun Guy
Big Chaingunner
Spiky Brown Dude
Pig
Big Pig
Invisible Pig
Skeleton
Yellow Alien Dude
Red Balls
Brown Balls
Flaming Skulls
Plasma Spider
Fatty
Big-Ass Rocket Demon
Big Chaingun Spider

Some Guy = Zombieman
Some Guy With A Shotgun = Shotgun Guy
Some Guy That's In Village People = Heavy Weapon Dude
A Walking Mutated Cigar = Imp
Pig Gorilla = Pinky/Demon
Pig Gorilla Ghost = Specter
Metal As Fuck = Lost Soul
Sonic Fan Character = Hell Knight
Mr. Red = Baron of Hell
A Killer Tomato = Cacodemon
Fuck You = Pain Elemental
Fatty McFatFuck = Mancubus
Flamebait = Archvile
Agitated Skeleton = Revenant
GET SWOLE MOTHERFUCKER = The Cyberdemon
Kraang = The Spider Mastermind
The Doom Marine = Doomguy

Well, before I knew the names of all the monsters, I just called Hell Knights and Barons of Hells "Goatguys" and Cacodemons "Tomatos".

These are the names I gave each monster before I knew what their actual name was (And when I was also a lot younger. thanks, dad.)

Zombieman: Enemy soldier
ShotgunGuy: Shotgun soldier
ChaingunGuy: Gatling commando
Imp: I.M.P (thanks, dad.)
Pinky Demon: Bulky Monter
Spectre: Ghost
Cacodemon: Beach ball (thanks, dad.)
Lost Soul: Flaming Head
Pain Elemental: Brown monster
Hell Knight: Brown Minotaur
Baron of hell: Great Minotaur
Revenant: Skeleton
Cyberdemon: Cybernetic-Demon
Spider Mastermind: SPIDER MONSTER DEMON (This thing scared the hell out of me when I was a kid)
Arachnotron: Laser Spider
Arch Vile: Arch the vile (thanks, dad.)
Mancubus: Flame-Man (I tough the mancubus was just an overweight person with flame launchers)
Icon of Sin: I never gave this one a name. Thanks, dad.

Doomkid said:

Red Balls
Brown Balls

lmao

I made a thread like this once.

Former Humans (All types): Ghoul
Imp: Fire Spitter
Demon: Bullpig
Spectre: Phantom
Cacodemon: Langolier
Archvile: Firewalker
Baron of Hell: Daemon Sultan
Hell Knight: Shambler
Pain Elemental: Pumpkinhead
Lost Soul: Screamer
Mancubus: Behemoth
Revenant: Tormentor
Arachnotron: Spidervore
Spider Mastermind: The Master
Cyberdemon: Cyberfiend
Icon of Sin: Great Old One