The Trees Of Mars...

Have to be growing out of control, because apparently there are going to be a lot of chainsaws floating around the ol' UAC compound. This screenshot from a recent issue of Entertainment Weekly introduces us to a new monster ready to tear our space marine's flesh clean off his bones. There are a couple of things that we can deduce about this new beastie. First, it appears he does not mind his uniform as much as the other brain-suckers, as he has left his own shirt zippered up. Also, he has helpfully kept his identification visible on his chest, which means you will be sure to know whether it's Charlie from 8B or Bob from 8A that you've just mowed down with your shotgun.

It does not appear that this new chainsaw is based on the Eager Beaver model which Tom Hall provided for classic Doom.

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The Trees Of Mars...
Have to be growing out of control, because apparently there are going to be a lot of chainsaws floating around the ol' UAC compound.

I assume that's just a dumb joke. If that's the case then hahahaha. If not, then my comment is the following:
Don't people fucking get it!? Chainsaws can be fitted with "chains" capable of cutting up steel and chainsaws can often be seen used in connection with construction, for exactly the purpose of cutting through steel.

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Oh, it'll be like Doom, now I'm certain.

The monsters look cute and adorable, just like in Doom.

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Limp Bizkit said:

I hope you know I pack a chain saw
I'll skin your ass raw
And if my day keeps goin' this way
I just might break somethin' tonight

I hope you know I pack a chain saw
I'll skin your ass raw
And if my day keeps goin' this way
I just might break your f*ckin' face tonight

I hope you know I pack a chainsaw (What!)
A chainsaw (What!)
A mother f*ckin' chainsaw (What!)

So come and get it

OK, yeah I know, but it needed to be said. Mind you, I've always thought using a chainsaw to skin someone's ass was overkill. Raw! - You don't say.


Heather Chandler said:

F*ck me gently with a chainsaw[/B]

From the movie "Heathers".

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Chainsaws can be fitted with "chains" capable of cutting up steel and chainsaws can often be seen used in connection with construction, for exactly the purpose of cutting through steel.


Really? They must do things differently from where you're from cuz having worked construction and steel fabrication for 6 years I've NEVER seen a saw that used an abrasive CHAIN to cut through metal. There's a reason for that too. Torches and abrasive discs aren't prone to flying apart and disemboweling the operator though I did see a guy hit a nail with a regular chainsaw. The chain slipped off, whipped around under the chainsaw and ripped the crotch out of his jeans and boxers. While he didn't get nutted, he never used a chainsaw again. :p

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dsm said:

I assume that's just a dumb joke. If that's the case then hahahaha. If not, then my comment is the following:
Don't people fucking get it!? Chainsaws can be fitted with "chains" capable of cutting up steel and chainsaws can often be seen used in connection with construction, for exactly the purpose of cutting through steel.


Actually it's not steel, but concrete you use those special chains for.

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I think Mewse is right. I strongly suspect that before the hellspawn invasion, there were a lot of lumberjacks on Phobos polishing their chainsaws and singing about how they'd love to be: running around cutting down trees, skipping and jumping, pressing wild flowers, putting on women's clothing, hanging around in bars, wearing high heels, suspendies and a bra and wishing they'd been girlies just like their dear Mammas.

Lumberjack Song

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ravage said:

There's concrete on mars?!?!


Well, there's certainly plenty of "CEMENT" textures on it's moons anyway.

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My god. I watched that months ago, and I still remember it. Funny shit, those british come up with! (:)

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Rellik said:

Really? They must do things differently from where you're from cuz having worked construction and steel fabrication for 6 years I've NEVER seen a saw that used an abrasive CHAIN to cut through metal.

burn.gif

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dsm said:

I assume that's just a dumb joke. If that's the case then hahahaha. If not, then my comment is the following:
Don't people fucking get it!? Chainsaws can be fitted with "chains" capable of cutting up steel and chainsaws can often be seen used in connection with construction, for exactly the purpose of cutting through steel.


ROFL. I assume that now YOU'RE making a dumb joke. I have three uncles in construction and they NEVER use chainsaws, for reasons Rellik stated. On top of that the only real use chainsaws have is for cutting down trees (or smaller brush in the case of hand held ones) since their cut is rough and not as precise as a circular saw or acetylene torch. Plus flying bits of metal are generally considered to be a bad thing.

Still, nice joke tho.

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Personally, I think that all the zombies from the new Doom game look... gay and stupid. I mean, they look like rednecks. That really spoils the comic-book sci-fi feel that I'd hoped the game was trying to accomplish. I mean, isn't it supposed to be a some top-of-the-line hi-tech UAC science facility or something?

These zombies look like trailer-trash. Hi-tech facilities on Mars wouldn't have or need janitors and construction workers, expecially not mental-deficients like this. Everything would be automated by machinery and the people who maintained and cleaned the machinery would be suave, smart, evil, experienced techies with glasses, not Bob the Janitor and Tadd the Construction Tard from the Ghetto. Maybe a few of them would exist, but working in land-fills and the heating and waste rooms of power plants, and they would be outnumbered by nerdy scientists 100 to 1.

I hope Id gets their shiz together because even the monsters look dumb, except for the big Hipo-Elephant looking thing, which is actually pretty frightening.

Just saying.

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Ahahahaha!! This made me laugh!! Ahahaha!! What you said is funny, and has a little truth to it! Ahaa

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What's with you W@velength? Lost the trolling spark?

You used to be better.

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ATAS said:

Look, Ma, I'm a lumber jack!! (c) Seroius Sam


You're also a spammer. I'll be watching you.

Rellik said:

Really? They must do things differently from where you're from cuz having worked construction and steel fabrication for 6 years I've NEVER seen a saw that used an abrasive CHAIN to cut through metal. There's a reason for that too. Torches and abrasive discs aren't prone to flying apart and disemboweling the operator though I did see a guy hit a nail with a regular chainsaw. The chain slipped off, whipped around under the chainsaw and ripped the crotch out of his jeans and boxers. While he didn't get nutted, he never used a chainsaw again. :p


Well obviously it wasn't fitted with a metal cutting blade and they are not like logger chainsaws. These things are slightly larger and require a finer mix of gasoline and oil. My uncle has used them several times.

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In any case none of it matters because since the first time I saw the zombies in DOOM3 I've thought "Hmmmm, kinda gay..." :p

Surely the id crew coulda come up with something more original than zombies. They even hold their arms straight out in front of them. Jeebus Christ!

*squeezes eyes shut

I will have faith in id, I will have faith in id, I will have faith in id...

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UAC PR Dept said:

Hi-tech facilities on Mars wouldn't have or need janitors and construction workers, expecially not mental-deficients like this. Everything would be automated by machinery and the people who maintained and cleaned the machinery would be suave, smart, evil, experienced techies with glasses, not Bob the Janitor and Tadd the Construction Tard from the Ghetto.


Nah, I don't see why you wouldn't need your janitors, construction workers, stewards, grease monkeys, cleaners, painters, welders, canteen workers yadda yadda. Just regular people out on an offworld colony doing their thing to earn some money. Actually, that's where a lot of the horror comes from. These are just regular people turned into hellspawn. IMO evil techies with glasses would be more of a gay cliché (whatever that is). Mind you, I want and expect a few techie types to be around, and they probably will if that screeny with the Carmack look alike is anything to go by.

If the offshore industry in the UK is anything to go by, the Zombies will all have either Geordie or Glaswegian accents as well.

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UAC PR Dept said:

I'm sorry, but Deliverance in space is not horror.




Man those Zombies can play the banjo!



"Squeal like a pig.... Squeeeeal!...Squeeeeal!"


Deliverance is also the cheat in Hexen to put you in pig mode IIRC, so there is an id link...

;-)

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Is it me, or do the fatties look a bit different now? Bit more rounder head, shorter.

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sponge said:

Is it me, or do the fatties look a bit different now? Bit more rounder head, shorter.


He does look a little different, but I think it's mainly because of the angle that the shot was taken from.

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heh

Most steel work I did in Aviation and Autobody classes this and last year involved using either a metal bandsaw, a flanger, a steel pull cutter, and a slicer. I have never seen or heard of a chainsaw used for construction purposes.

On the other hand, chainsaws are used to saw people's arms after they get them caught in vending machines...

...maybe the UAC workers are dumber than we thought :Þ

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