Opulent Posted October 3, 2004 Not enough humor on EE recently, so here's some Rodney Dangerfield classics: I went to one of those places that has girls dancing with no clothes on. They wouldn't let me in because I didn't have a jacket and a tie. so I went home... Down my block there's a guy jogging nude. I ask why? He says "Because you came home early". I tell ya, I get no respect. Girl calls me up, says "Come on over, there's no one home" so I went over... there was no one home. 0 Share this post Link to post
Fletcher` Posted October 3, 2004 Sometimes you just can't beat the classics. 0 Share this post Link to post
Bucket Posted October 3, 2004 Two sausages are in a frying pan. The first jumps up and says, "Dear God, they're going to burn us to death and then eat us!!!!" The second sausage jumps up and says, "Dear God, a talking sausage!!" ____________________ A guy is driving home on the highway listening to some lesbians on a shock jock radio show. He starts to get really horny, so he whips out his member and starts rubbing one off. It's not working well, trying to jerk off and drive at the same time, so he pulls over. Then he tries again. But it's still not going, because he's nervous about a cop pulling up. Then he decided the best thing to do would be to get under the car and jerk off, so anyone passing by would think he's just trying to fix it. Ten minutes later, he's lying on the cement whacking away, eyes closed to hold onto that lesbian moment. Sure enough, a cop pulls up. Walking beside the car, the cop says, "Hey bud, is there something going on that I should know about?" The guy, eyes still closed, says, "No officer, I'm just trying to change the oil on my car." The cop replies with, "Really? Well then, you should check the brakes while you're down there too, because your car rolled into a ditch five minutes ago." 0 Share this post Link to post
Relica Religia Posted October 3, 2004 Rodney Dangerfield. Man, what a great comedian. I have a bunch of his audio tapes - they're hilarious. 0 Share this post Link to post
spank Posted October 3, 2004 Interviewer: "So, Mr. Wonder, what do you think about being blind?" Stewie Wonder: "Damn, I'd rather be blind than black!" 0 Share this post Link to post
Scuba Steve Posted October 3, 2004 I went to my doctor and he tells me I'm going to die in six months. I says, "Doc, I want a second opinion." He says, "All right, you're also ugly too." 0 Share this post Link to post
Sharessa Posted October 4, 2004 Man, what the Hell? I've been hearing about him a lot recently for no reason. First there was an article about him getting surgery done, then they had Caddy Shack on AMC or something, then the next day I see Comedy Central is playign Back to School, and later on that week he's guest starring in some sitcome and now this. I bet this means he's going to die soon. Whenever I start hearing about someone out of the blue, they end up dieing soon after. Or they get their own show or something and get an extra 15 minutes of fame. 0 Share this post Link to post
Kristian Ronge Posted October 4, 2004 1. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met! 2. If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all. 3. When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. [4 excluded, Op mentioned it] 5. I drink too much. Last time I gave a urine sample there was an olive in it. 6. With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other! 7. I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. 8. I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself. 9. I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people. 10. I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table. 11. My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was. 12. My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it. 13. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest. 14. My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair. I could give you the source, but ... you know. 0 Share this post Link to post
Scuba Steve Posted October 4, 2004 Ichor said:He's still alive? What is he, 120 now? No respect, no respect at all. 0 Share this post Link to post
SteelPH Posted October 6, 2004 Ichor said:He's still alive? What is he, 120 now? http://entertainment.msn.com/news/article.aspx?news=169759>1=5472 He's dead now. Kicked the bucket at age 82. 0 Share this post Link to post
AndrewB Posted October 6, 2004 Danarchy said:I bet this means he's going to die soon. Whenever I start hearing about someone out of the blue, they end up dieing soon after.AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA 0 Share this post Link to post
Amaster Posted October 6, 2004 AndrewB said:AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Yeah, I just read.... 0 Share this post Link to post
Arioch Posted October 6, 2004 I'm sure that irony was intentional. Well, basically, the thought process goes like this: In a comparison of wits and intelligence between Danarchy and AndrewB, I'd have to favor Danarchy. So if AndrewB is laughing at Danarchy being dumb then I'd have to look for a reason why Danarchy would actually have come on top of the little exchange. That's my only justification for the first line in this post. 0 Share this post Link to post
Dittohead Posted October 6, 2004 That's pretty fucked up, somehow. You should all be ashamed, or something. 0 Share this post Link to post
Relica Religia Posted October 6, 2004 Wow, he died.....that's incredibly depressing. 0 Share this post Link to post
Bucket Posted October 6, 2004 In light of Danarchy's post, I conclude that it's Opulent's fault that Rodney Dangerfield is dead. 0 Share this post Link to post
Spike Posted October 6, 2004 And Seinfeld gets to live? Fuck that. R.I.P. Rodney Dangerfield. 0 Share this post Link to post
dsm Posted October 6, 2004 Relica Religia said:Wow, he died.....that's incredibly depressing. People die in this world - that's life! Err... 0 Share this post Link to post
Relica Religia Posted October 6, 2004 How he died though.....just after heart surgery that supposedley went well. That's a bitch. 0 Share this post Link to post
Fletcher` Posted October 6, 2004 dsm said:People die in this world - that's life! Err... And yet, it's all how you see life. 0 Share this post Link to post
Ralphis Posted October 7, 2004 AndrewB said:Quick deaths are the best ones. How do you know 0 Share this post Link to post
darknation Posted October 7, 2004 hey dan, use your celebrity curse to get rid of some more. 0 Share this post Link to post
Scuba Steve Posted October 7, 2004 How 'bout that Pope John Paul, what's he up to these days? 0 Share this post Link to post