If you can make any sense of this post, congratulations
If you've never had a girlfriend then you're doing something right because natural selection 2.0 only selects things that fail.
I know why humans mate in pairs anyway. The god of evolution, Zornok, designed it this way to troll us. He knows that individual humans are the only rational units, and the more people you add to a group, the stupider and more lulzy it becomes due to the law of averages pulling everyone down (ex. scientology, the government) with the exception of groups that learned how to spam images of goatse to keep out Joe Sixpacks and Jane Soccermom. If you get a girlfriend, she'll likely be a twitter using, horoscope reading, water dowsing, christian lady gaga fan. This will rub off on you, which is Zornok's plan to impede the progress of humanity for lulz.
For the entire animal kingdom, sex is sane and easy because you just rape whoever you want without complex artificial 'laws'. You know deep down, you still prefer bondage porn and girls with leashes, you pervert. I read somewhere that a number one fantasy of human females is to be raped. See, laws prevent both sexes from getting what they want :(. For elephants, only 'natural laws' exist in the form of competing males, but this all flows naturally because its deeply programmed into your genes. Enter humans who add an insane arms race of culture over everything, including courtship, and now the only way to get a girlfriend is to become a member of a boyband or wearing a tie 10 hours a day. Well, like grass should have said millions of years ago before they spent all that energy evolving tree trunks to out shade eachother, I don't even want to participate. If humanity is evil, I want as few of my genes as possible in it. They'll just be stolen and completely manipulated by some post singularity version of Oprah (via natural selection 2.0) or something, just like factory farm animals are exploited today. RRAAAWWWAAAGGHHH 9000 PENISSES, MUAH HA HA HA HA HA
Ok, end the troll portion of this post I guess. In reality I'm about 3 damn decades old and never had a girlfriend, despite being fairly nipple pinchingly cute. I guess that's to be expected when humanity introduces new humans to life with their jail slash school system, or as I like to call it, the body/mind/soul removing system. I graduated with an inability to make eye contact with any other people who I feared, some sort of autistic suicidal manic depression complex etc. So I'd definitely be completely destroyed in a real prison system where being raped with a shank is status quo by design, I assume, as some sort of US technique to use torture as a deterrent even though its officially 'illegal'. Its a miracle if anyone ever gets through school and adds anything positive to the world (and that's a big if since the world seems to solely go in a negative direction.. oh sorry, thanks founder of facebook for your cool invention!). I still hope anonymous destroys everything and becomes the singularity, maybe starting with operation empire state rebellion, assuming that's not some trick from elites with astroturfing software.
Anyway, recently I started lifting weights (you have to eat lots of complete protein such as rice+beans. Its easy because afaik the most effective way to grow muscle is to aim for about 3 sets of an exercise where you merely aim to choose a weight that exhausts you after 6 or so reps of 5 seconds up and 5 down.. takes minimal time per day) and it helps a lot with confidence. I think I might actually have a snowball's chance in hell of getting a girlfriend who is not imaginary. One thing I hate is how humans don't wear nametags with their age on it. So you have to be extremely cautious when approaching a girl, not knowing whether Chris Hansen will pop out and send you to 'A Place For Paedophiles' (see louis theroux documentary). Or her boyfriend might show up and beat you senseless. In new guinea, female birds of paradise reject males who have a single feather slightly ruffled the wrong way, I'm sure its the same with human females. They're judging every single one of your body cells when you miraculously have the courage to approach and will probably call the cops for harassment after you utter one syllable. There's a huge impenetrable wall of bullshit 'smalltalk' as some idiotic requirement for dating, not good for introverted shy people with performance anxiety. Though now, I'm financially fucked because the economy was destroyed by design.. the master cockblockers always find a way. Wanking isn't so bad actually, probably even better. Ok, I'm done making an idiot of myself for now.