Michael Bay's Latest Mission: Ruin the Ninja Turtles

NOTE:: Below is a rant. Just know that I hate Michael Bay more than any other director that comes to mind at the moment.

Okay.

Well-known douchebag and "director" extraordinaire, Michael Bay, has made an announcement concerning his latest films, and it's that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are aliens..

Now, you'd think destroying Transformers for thousands of people would have been enough for the man, but now he seems to be going for the throat. Not is he the most absurd choice for a film of this type, he is he altering the origins of a decades-old story. I personally can't wait to see Donatello talk about how supersweet the new Droid is with its Google-compatibility, Michelangelo snack on delicious, delicious Pizza Hut, Raphael talks about how Gatorade is the best drink after a fight, and Leonardo puts his lead-foot down on the pedal of the sweet, more fuel-efficient Hummer3! Of course, a scantly-clad, twenty-something April O'Neil might also slither her way up Casey Jones' Koho hockey stick.

Just saying.

There's a petition here to stop this man.

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So... the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are not going to be mutants or turtles?

The films going to be nothing more than 3D aspergers with a does of gay and dick humor added for good measures. This is Michael Bay, after all.

EDIT: I forgot Ebonic stereotyping. I can't wait to see Raphael busting rhymes, meh nigga, black-black, G.

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He makes a shitty excuse for a Ninja Turtles movie and people care? That's like caring if gays get married. It won't ruin any existing Ninja Turtles stuff, which honestly isn't very entertaining if you're older than 8 anyway.

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exp(x) said:

Like Vanilla Ice was any better.

Actually, I'd argue that was the highpoint of the films.

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Aliotroph? said:

He makes a shitty excuse for a Ninja Turtles movie and people care? That's like caring if gays get married. It won't ruin any existing Ninja Turtles stuff, which honestly isn't very entertaining if you're older than 8 anyway.


The same way people care when mappers who seem to take little care in their projects get popular. When people appreciate something, it's bound to cause some frustration. Also, your comparison to gay marriage is ridiculous. Gay marriage debate pertains to religious issues and human rights, whilst Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is a part of pop culture and not a social metaphor.

exp(x) said:

Like Vanilla Ice was any better.


Vanilla Ice didn't alter the entire background of the Turtles' origins. I'd argue that's slightly more respectable... Not to mention that all he did in the film was... well, be Vanilla Ice. It isn't like his role became deeply entrenched in the plot.

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I liked the first Transformers movie. The other two were nonsense.

This TMNT stuff is rubbish. But then so were the other movies based on it. The cartoons in the 90s were the bomb.

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Heard about it. Didn't really care. I'm completely apathetic towards anything Michael Bay is involved with.

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Meh, just make it a spinoff and call it "Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles." Just my 2 cents.

Planky said:

The cartoons in the 90s were the bomb.

The 80s and 90s version, yes. The 2003-2009 version, no. YMMV.

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HavoX said:

Meh, just make it a spinoff and call it "Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles." Just my 2 cents.


Except that ninjas and turtles are both from the planet earth, so if they're aliens they can't be either of those things... meaning the film should be called Teenage Alien Some Weird Extraterrestial Martial Art Creatures That Resemble Reptiles But Aren't.

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Thankfully I always thought these turtles were stupid.

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Well, after seeing a nigga "Norse God" in Thor nothing surprises me anymore.

It could be worse though: the Ninja Turtles could just be a metaphor for a gang of niggaz flashing green colours and bandanas (ha!) turned "good", and the movie could be just another "in da ghetto" flick with "hoes" and hip-hop music, while Shredder would lead a band of ricers trying to steal "turf" from the "turtles"...

...OH NO NOW SOMEONE THERE IN HOLLYWOOD WILL THINK THAT THIS IS AN AWESOME SCRIPT WITH POWERFUL ANTI-RACIST MESSAGES AND MAKE IT INTO A BLOCKBUSTER NOOOO I CREATED A MONSTER!!!!!

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Maes said:

It could be worse though: the Ninja Turtles could just be a metaphor for a gang of niggaz flashing green colours and bandanas (ha!) turned "good", and the movie could be just another "in da ghetto" flick with "hoes" and hip-hop music, while Shredder would lead a band of ricers trying to steal "turf" from the "turtles"...

except this would actually be interesting. it's like moving a classic opera plot into contemporary settings (happens all the time). you change whatever you can, but you keep the characters and the core plot elements. bay, on the other hand, is just milking the shit out of a popular franchise in oder to produce another product placement-ridden 3d cgi roller coaster with no soul. even vanilla ice has a soul, but not michael bay!

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Now, you'd think destroying Transformers for thousands of people would have been enough for the man, but now he seems to be going for the throat.

Oh, Jesus Christ. I can only imagine the excuse you have for pretending not to like that movie or pretending a cheap, B-Quality series was somehow "ruined" by it.

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Really fucking hate Michael Bay, hope he gets aids and stops making shitty movies, hell even that retard Uwe Boll makes better movies than he does...

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Wagi said:

Oh, Jesus Christ. I can only imagine the excuse you have for pretending not to like that movie or pretending a cheap, B-Quality series was somehow "ruined" by it.


My excuse for not liking the Transformers films is: I like quality movies. Mind you, I never really was into Transformers to begin with, and got dragged along by a friend (who bought my ticket, nonetheless) and sat through a 2+ hour GMC advertisement and a robot who talked mad slang... oddly enough, the first transformer to get destroyed in the series was the one that seemed the closest to a racial stereotype.

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As Bay directed the two "Bad Boys" films and I liked the Transformer's films, I have no problem with this. I'm not exactly a big TMNT fan in any case, so I don't really care.

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the timeline of michael bay:

1995 - bad boys - 9/10
1996 - the rock - 10/10
ever since - fucking crap, "explosions and tits" - 0/10

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dew said:

except this would actually be interesting. it's like moving a classic opera plot into contemporary settings (happens all the time).


Like this? (well at least this one had decent actors...). Now I'm really concerned that someone might pick up my idea...should I register/patent the script or whatever it is that you do with scripts? :-p

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You know what Maes? Fuck you.

Do I really have to be the first person to call you out for being an overtly racist shitheel? I mean you've made posts in the past here and there that casued me to raise an eyebrow or three, and the polish bridge thread is another thing altogether, but here, a needless segue linking to a site called chimpout.com who's message is:

Niggers are a cancer upon human society. We are not a white supremacist site here at Chimpout. We welcome all races, creeds, and colors......just no niggers.

For what? What was the purpose in linking to that forum thread in particular for the reason of letting us know that a bunch of racists are upset at the heredity of an actor that plays in some movie?

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Maes said:

Well, after seeing a nigga "Norse God" in Thor nothing surprises me anymore.

Oh lawds...

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Quast said:

What was the purpose in linking to that forum thread in particular for the reason of letting us know that a bunch of racists are upset at the heredity of an actor that plays in some movie?


Is it being the first google result a good enough "excuse"? Not that I should apologize for not bothering to pass stuff through PC filters.

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Quast said:

You know what Maes? Fuck you.

Do I really have to be the first person to call you out for being an overtly racist shitheel? I mean you've made posts in the past here and there that casued me to raise an eyebrow or three, and the polish bridge thread is another thing altogether, but here, a needless segue linking to a site called chimpout.com who's message is:

Niggers are a cancer upon human society. We are not a white supremacist site here at Chimpout. We welcome all races, creeds, and colors......just no niggers.

For what? What was the purpose in linking to that forum thread in particular for the reason of letting us know that a bunch of racists are upset at the heredity of an actor that plays in some movie?

WHOA.

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ehm... what? Teenage mutant teenage turtles sre fuckin' aliens now?

Thanks a lot, Hollywood, now GTFO.

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Quast said:

Bawwwwwwwwww

Maybe Grecians are naturally racist? You know, like Americans.

Tell me I'm wrong. :P

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Black guy in Norse Mythology, makes perfect sense. I'm not racist but come on...

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Violator said:

Black guy in Norse Mythology, makes perfect sense. I'm not racist but come on...


So what that he's black? Does that mean that black people can only play roles associated with "their" gods (as if there's some set of gods that only black people can share with each other) and that they shouldn't be able to act as a god white people worshipped at one point?

Back in 5th grade I saw Macbeth, and one of Macbeth's family members was black while everyone else was white. I didn't sperg out over how it's "historically inaccurate" or some other hidden racist nonsense. The whole thing is fiction and never aimed to be factual; one black dude among white dudes isn't going to "ruin the immersion" or some horseshit like that because being immersed in the historical setting was never, ever Shakespeare's intention. It's all about the characters and the plot.

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