1) The mason tried his hardest to explain his job..but it was like trying to talk to a brick wall..

2) Why were triceratops the most sexually active dinosaurs?

Spoiler

They were always horny

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There once was a man from Madras,
Whose balls were constructed of brass.
When they jangled together,
They played "Stormy Weather",
And lightning shot out of his ass.

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I just laughed my ass off in real life.
Although I think that might've been aided by the lightning.

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Four Chinese, Bu, Chu, Su and Fu decided to immigrate to America. To stay there, they had to change their names. Bu became Buck, Chu became Chuck. Su and Fu decided to stay in China.

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Milton Jones said:

I was the man who discovered DNA. I wasn't going to call it that but I was giving a lecture to the Royal Society and I said: "Gentlemen, I believe I've discovered the genetic fingerprint of all human life.

Da-na!"

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The Friar Florists

The friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds.

Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought this was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.

He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.

So the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.

Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

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another milton joke:

My father once said to me: "Son, why don't you go outside and jump on the trampoline?" but I missed the oline.

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I was working in a micro-gravity simulation environment, and I had just completed a routine bowel movement.
I hadn't attached the pipe properly though and despite my best efforts, the waste drifted into the ventilation duct.

And then the shit hit the fan.

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Around 150 or so years ago, some thieves went down a mine shaft in attempt to steal some of the ore down there. Unfortunately for them, the police turned up.

"Oh great," said one of the thieves. "The COPPERS have arrived!"

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baronofheck82 said:

A joke, huh?
See our last President.


He was rather amusing, I must admit.

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A priest and a rabbi was walking down the street, and saw a little boy.
So the priest was like, "Let's screw that kid!"
And the rabbi replied, "out of what?"

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Doom Marine said:

A priest and a rabbi was walking down the street, and saw a little boy.
So the priest was like, "Let's screw that kid!"
And the rabbi replied, "out of what?"

Beautiful!

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Doom Marine said:

A priest and a rabbi was walking down the street, and saw a little boy.
So the priest was like, "Let's screw that kid!"
And the rabbi replied, "out of what?"

hahaha, best joke of thread.


An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, '$165,000'. The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money . The elderly woman replied that she made bets.

The president was surprised and asked, 'What kind of bets /
The elderly woman replied, 'Well, I bet you
$25,000 that your testicles are square.'

The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.

The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, 'Would you like to take my bet?'

'Certainly', replied the president. 'I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square.'

'Done', the elderly woman answered. 'But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 ' clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.' 'No problem', said the president of the Bank confidently.

That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that
there was no way he could lose the bet.

The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.

The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.

The president was happy to oblige.

The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them.. 'Of course', said the president. 'Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure.'

The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, 'Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Royal Bank of Canada !'

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So I committed the crime, ran back down into the burrow and placed the murder weapon in Roger's living quarters...

Yes..it was I who framed Roger Rabbit.

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So a bear walks into a bar. He says to the bartender, "I'll take a beer and....... a shot of whiskey." The bartender says, "Why the big pause?"

Ba-dum crash

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HAAAAA! I love bad jokes, seriously.

So there was once a crocodile with the attributes of former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi.

It's nickname? The Great Cockodile.

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Why couldn't the pirate go to the pirate movie?
Because it was rated R.

Hahahahahahahahhahaa-heh-...

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If a quiz makes you quizzical, what does a test make you?

Try see if you can catch anyone out. =D

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ComicMischief said:

Because sometimes I draw my horrible jokes.


Guess I can get in on this...

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Well, I didn't draw mine specifically for this thread. It was based on an improvised Twitter attempt at a witty response.

Anyway, this post needs more horrible joke.

They're making a film about constipation. It isn't out yet.

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ComicMischief said:

They're making a film about constipation. It isn't out yet.


That's not a horrible joke. That's a shitty joke

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If a politician pats on your back, beware! He's just trying to find soft spot to stick a knife in your back.

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