The dreaded "S" word!

Needing therapy doesn't somehow make you an unhappy and bad person (I go to a therapist for anxiety issues), but being an adult with a legitimate disgust towards getting a hard-on is a problem that could use some fixing. No, you don't need sex to be a fulfilled human being, but an aversion that severe will directly impact your life at some point, if it hasn't already in numerous, more subtle ways.

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GoatLord said:

I don't need sex to be a fulfilled human being. I find meaning in life from my interactions with others. I get depressed, but instead of doing hard drugs or popping pills, I just deal with it and move on. I generally have a good time and am improving myself on a daily basis. But I need therapy because of a sex aversion? Right.

Question: How do you expect to maintain a relationship with your girlfriend if you can't satisfy her sexually? Is she asexual, like yourself? And don't give me the virginal answer of "there is more to a relationship then sex."

You can remain as abstinent as you want, but are you confident that you can ever pursue a long term relationship.

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GoatLord said:

Schwerpunk: Yes, it is that aborrhent to me. That doesn't mean I can't find humor in sexuality, and I do understand the biological urge to procreate. As far as to why I'm like this, I was never molested or anything. My old man gave me a clinical, emotionless explanation when I was seven, complete with references to cross-sectional illustrations in one of my anatomy books. I was disgusted by the concept and that only increased with age. Additionally, the first photo I saw of a vagina was on a goregrind album cover at age 14 (a fetus dangling from a butchered vagina). I'm certain Cannibal Corpse's "Tomb of the Mutilated" played a part as well, as the album art featured a mutilated vagina overflowing with blood. Adolescent development of OCD, which was centered around libido suppression, was the icing on the cake. I'm okay with all of this. Shit happens.

IOW, what Technician said.

Edit: Earlier, about needing professional help.

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Technician said:

Question: How do you expect to maintain a relationship with your girlfriend if you can't satisfy her sexually? Is she asexual, like yourself? And don't give me the virginal answer of "there is more to a relationship then sex."

You can remain as abstinent as you want, but are you confident that you can ever pursue a long term relationship.


She's not asexual, but is even less experienced than I am. She has told me she never figured out how to pleasure herself. We've been together seven-and-a-half years and get along better than ever. If my aversion was problematic, she would have said something by now.

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GoatLord said:

I don't need sex to be a fulfilled human being.


Yes you do. Just backwards reading through stuff you managed to post should be enough of a clue about your traumatization. That's not how asexuality works.

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Considering Asexuality is the lack of sexual *attraction*, not sexual *desire*, I'd say you're sex-negative. Asexual people can have sex, they often don't derive pleasure from it.

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Like I said, I'm a hetero who identifies with asexuality, although my genuine lack of interest in nearly all forms of sexuality does point to a degree of asexuality. I recognize that I was traumatized, and I did actually seek therapy for about 13 years, with each shrink putting me on a new medication and not really knowing how to address the issue. I don't care if I'm "missing out" on some major life pleasure. Some of you guys claim I need to have sex as if there's a scientific reason to oppose celibacy.

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GoatLord said:

Like I said, I'm a hetero who identifies with asexuality, although my genuine lack of interest in nearly all forms of sexuality does point to a degree of asexuality. I recognize that I was traumatized, and I did actually seek therapy for about 13 years, with each shrink putting me on a new medication and not really knowing how to address the issue. I don't care if I'm "missing out" on some major life pleasure. Some of you guys claim I need to have sex as if there's a scientific reason to oppose celibacy.

It's just too bad your girlfriend is missing out on a lot of great sensations becasue of your issues.

Of course, for your sake, you better make sure she doesn't figure out how to open the floodgates, if you know what I mean.

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Low blow, Technician. Anyway, GL, there's no reason why voluntary celibacy is 'wrong' when it's a choice. But in your case, you don't seem to have a choice. That's what I would identify as an opportunity for improvement in this case. You've done a great job of rationalizing your fear, but it's not something you chose for yourself with a clear head.

This isn't even about having sex. You have a major fear of an element of intimacy. I think you should keep an open mind to untangling it. There's no reason you can't go right back to being celibate afterwards, only without the fear.

EDIT: Changed some wording.

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Technician said:

Poor girl.

her first guy is someone who keeps it at cuddling and tells her sex is gross. misery loves company. :/

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GL: Doesn't snuggling your GF raise your flag? What happens then?

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I agree with schwerpunk that it doesn't sound like something you have chosen to embark on. Psychological issues are difficult to address, because no matter what the person does to convince themselves its all in there head, it requires X amount of time, and/or outside assistance. This kind of reminds me of when I started feeling year-long congestion in my sinuses. I had seen multiple doctors, to no avail. For a while I had accepted it as the new normal, but then people around me kicked my ass into gear to address it. Then finally, some genius doctor had recommended an allergy test. Turns out I'm allergic to dust, which sucks. But at least now I can manage it with medication.

The point I'm making is, if you say you feel ashamed about being asexual, than don't stand for it. Keep on seeking help, and you will probably have an even better time being alive.

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glenzinho said:

GL: Doesn't snuggling your GF raise your flag? What happens then?

He gets turned off once he approaches this:



I'm sorry, GL; I had to.

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Oh, shut up. Poor her, she's never had sex, just a loving symbiotic relationship where neither party ever has a fight and shares their feelings. We're SO miserable. I don't find sexuality intimate to any degree. If I was afraid of intimacy, I wouldn't snuggle with her or expose my vulnerabilities to her. I know that the way I am is unusual, even disturbing, but cut the shit and stop acting like I'm some sad sack.

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And to address glen, when that flag is raised I choose to let it be, as it eventually subsides and we go to sleep peacefully.

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glenzinho said:

GL: Doesn't snuggling your GF raise your flag? What happens then?

This, whenever I get intimate with a girl (kissing, cuddling) it doesn't exactly take much to get aroused, especially if you love them and find them physically attractive.
Goatlord you have a irrational fear of any kind of sexual, it's obvious. If you were asexual you would have said it once or twice and that would be it. You want to experience and talk about sexual feeling yet, you say it then backtrack like it's some kind of cardinal sin. That's not normal and for your own peace of mind you should see someone.

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Sigmund Freud would fucking jizz himself flat if he was alive to read this topic.

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You're moving the goalpost. I'm not talking about intimacy, just an element of it, like snuggling. Re fear: I was echoing your choice of words on the last page, where you said you had a phobia/repulsion of orifices.

Anyway, I understand if you don't want to have your psychological health challenged on an internet forum, so if you just want to drop it, that's cool. I just hope you keep an open mind in the future.

EDIT: Jesus, this has got to be the fastest moving thread in the history of Doomworld. Seriously, giving advice to GL seems to be more popular than signing up for megawads, lol.

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Well, even if you had started out having sex, since you've been with one another for over seven years, you would most likely have stopped by now anyway, so you're probably about right ;)

But seriously, different strokes and all that, I don't really understand what the issue is here.

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schwerpunk said:

EDIT: Jesus, this has got to be the fastest moving thread in the history of Doomworld. Seriously, giving advice to GL seems to be more popular than signing up for megawads, lol.

A black hole will open up in post hell and swallow the entire forum as punishment.

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GoatLord said:

cut the shit and stop acting like I'm some sad sack.

We're SO miserable.

just a loving symbiotic relationship

We're SO miserable.

And to address glen, when that flag is raised I choose to let it be

Stop fighting nature, you're making yourself sick.

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GoatLord said:

And to address glen, when that flag is raised I choose to let it be, as it eventually subsides and we go to sleep peacefully.

another crisis averted. well done, team!

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My mind on the subject is made up. My girl and I love each other dearly and we get along extremely well. You fellas don't "get" my lifestyle choices and that's perfectly understandable. But to make assumptions about my SO's take on it is pretty silly, since I know her and none of you do. Anyhow, I won't add anymore on the subject, I think I've been ridiculed plenty today. Have a good one.

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GoatLord said:

My girl and I love each other dearly and we get along extremely well.


And that's all that matters, ultimately.

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schwerpunk said:

EDIT: Jesus, this has got to be the fastest moving thread in the history of Doomworld. Seriously, giving advice to GL seems to be more popular than signing up for megawads, lol.


Well, the more attention people pay to this topic, the longer it will get and the faster it will expand.

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Obsidian said:

I'm asexual by default. :)

You can modify that in your console.

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This topic is now closed to further replies.