I SCORED A WHOPPING: 4 if you only count the ones I was serious about
- Feeling stiff: No
- Groaning when you bend down: No
- Saying “it wasn’t like that when I was young”: I am young ye whippersnappers!
- Saying “in my day”: My day is that day in 1999 when I played Doom.
- Losing hair: God no
- You don’t know any songs in the top ten: Actually this is true because I don't follow shit music
- Getting more hairy – ears, eyebrows, nose, face etc: My face is getting more hairy than it being clean shaven (due to puberty and stuff) if that's what you mean
- Hating noisy pubs: Haha, people think I leave the house
- Talking a lot about joints / ailments: No
- Forgetting people’s names: Haha, people think I go out and meet people
- Choosing clothes and shoes for comfort rather than style: I wore my pajamas all day because I didn't have any trousers in my drawers so yes I suppose
- Thinking policemen / teachers / doctors look really young: If they're under 30 and 150lbs, initiate horny teenager mode
- Falling asleep in front of the TV: My TV is next to my computer so no
- Needing an afternoon nap: If you mean that hour at the start of the afternoon that I'm still asleep, yes
- Finding you have no idea what young people are talking about : Again, I find it funny people think I go out and meet people
- Struggling to use technology: What do you think?
- Losing touch with everyday technology such as tablets and televisions: My TV is a 3 year old 19 inch 720p Philips that has Freeview on it and I don't use tablets so I suppose yes
- When you start complaining about more things: Teenagers are moody cunts so I complain about everything
- Wearing your glasses around your neck: I don't have glasses, my eyes are fine. Seriously! Everything is blurry because I'm tired ok.
- Not remembering the name of any modern bands: Ha, as if "band" is still an actual term for those people
- You avoid lifting heavy things due to back concerns: Haha, people think I lift things
- Complaining about the rubbish on television these days: I watch literally only comedies, so I don't get to complain about Scrubs, that show about the numbers and a tree on a hill (I kid of course, I do like Scrubs)
- Misplacing your glasses / bag / keys etc: I have my schoolbag somewhere on the floor in my room, my keys are on my desk under a bunch of shit and I don't have glasses
- You move from Radio one to Radio Two: Who listens to radio?
- You start driving very slowly: I can't drive yet
- Preferring a night in with a board game than a night on the town: Haha, people think I have friends to play board games with
- Taking a keen interest in The Antiques Road Show: God no
- You talk to colleagues who are so young they don’t know what an Opal Fruit is: I only applied for that job at WH Smith, I haven't been accepted yet
- Taking slippers to friends’ houses: I wear socks
- Listening to the Archers: Who?
- Falling asleep after one glass of wine: I've only ever had one pint of alcoholic ginger beer in one night so no
- Never going out without your coat: As if I go outside
- Getting bed socks for Christmas and being very grateful: Does buying socks with Christmas money count?
- When you can’t lose six pounds in two days any more: I'm not old enough to be fat yet
- Gasping for a cup of tea: I have an energy drink addiction, not horrible tea
- Taking a flask of tea or coffee on a day out: No
- Joining the WI: What's that?
- Taking a keen interest in the garden: I haven't been outside in my garden for about 3 years
- Spending more money on face creams / anti-ageing products: No
- Spending money on the home / furniture rather than a night on the town: My chair was my sister's and my desk is from my cousin so ha. Plus I have no money so not ha.
- Taking a keen interest in dressing for the weather: Normal day = t-shirt and jeans, Rainy day = coat, t-shirt and jeans. Yes.
- Putting everyday items in the wrong place: I have OCD about tidiness, which is ironic because my room is a shithole. I have clothes outside my wardrobe and games all over my floor.
- Obsessive gardening or bird feeding: If you mean throwing napalm at the soil and feeding birds arsenic, yes.
- Really enjoying puzzles and crosswords: Does Portal 2 count?
- Always driving in the slow lane, or below 70 in the middle lane: Again, I can't drive
- Consider going on a ‘no children’ cruise for a holiday: I don't have children (I think)
- Your ears are getting bigger: is this even medically correct?
- Joining the National Trust: My parents joined me up as a child then left when I told them it was boring going around the same few places every year
- Drinking sherry: No
- Feeling you have the right to tell people exactly what you are thinking even if it isn’t polite: I don't talk to people in general so no
We need a "51. You play a 20 years old video game" point, but I guess this might fall in 3. and 4. too.