Haribo Sugar-Free Gummi Bears

Unholy shit. X-D

That is funny and disturbing at the same time. Anyone know what sort of potent biological cocktail could cause this sort of reaction?

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My brother found these at a Warehouse here in NZ, Obsidian. We plan to wreck someones shit...literally.

But yeah, those reviews are funny everytime someone posts them.

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This is actually part of the product info:

-This product is a sugarless/sugarfree item with ingredients that can cause intestinal distress if eaten in excess

Nice. The crazy part is that these cost $50+ per kilo.

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Ragnor said:

My brother found these at a Warehouse here in NZ, Obsidian. We plan to wreck someones shit...literally.


*Cue evil grin*

>:-D

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Fun fact: Russel Stover Sugar-free fruit candies do this too.

also this was hilarious:

I am not a chemist by education but have concluded that the Taliban-formulated sugar substitute utilized in these bears somehow instantly combines and interacts at the molecular level with existing intestinal contents to create a foul odor that no human, or Lord of the Rings character, would ever have reason to experience. I would suffice it to say that 2 months later my nose hair refuses to grow back and I am unable to discern between the smell of roses and acrid smoke rising from burning oil.


yeeowch!

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Quast said:

This is actually part of the product info:

-This product is a sugarless/sugarfree item with ingredients that can cause intestinal distress if eaten in excess


Pretty much all artificial sweeteners such as aspartame, xylitol, sorbitol etc. have laxative effects, and this warning is always present in some form on the box. The only exception is a recent naturally-derived sweetener, from Stevia plants.

Hilarity ensues when some artificially sweetened product contains some other nutrient which has a RDA, but in order to meet it you'll definitively need to eat it in excess. So it's like, yeah, you'll meet your daily RDA of Calcium or Vitamin C if you eat 20 of those sugar-free chewing gums, but then you'll shit yourself inside-out, so that's pretty moot ;-)

TBQH, I had a similar experience years ago with some artificially-sweetened multi-vitamin candies. So yeah, I definitively got my vitamins...only to chocolate shotgun them all out.

So, the TL; DR version is that someone ate too many artificially sweetened gummy bears, and they literally fucked his shit up. Well, (you'll be left with) no shit Sherlock.

I am not a chemist by education but have concluded that the Taliban-formulated sugar substitute utilized in these bears somehow instantly combines and interacts at the molecular level with existing intestinal contents to create a foul odor that no human, or Lord of the Rings character, would ever have reason to experience. I would suffice it to say that 2 months later my nose hair refuses to grow back and I am unable to discern between the smell of roses and acrid smoke rising from burning oil.


Could...could it be? Has that exclusive UAC technology become reality?

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NANI?! WHAT? QUE?

Really, what was that xD well, that made my day.
Too expensive tough

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I've seen videos on Youtube of people eating these gummis and have diarrhea later in the day because of whatever's in them can't be properly digested. The former eat about a pound to 3/4 pound and the latter eats the whole bag.

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These bears are the perfect laxatives, cleaning intestines all day long!

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Someone posted a picture on Facebook of a bag of gummy bears. It said the worst prank you can play on someone is to order them a bag of haribo gummy bears and have it shipped to their house. There was no link and the post had no likes or comments. I didn't get the joke. Thank you for clueing me in.

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Finally, a thread we can all (?) relate to and enjoy.

Edit: probably some FDA investigation will turn out that they fucked up the artificial sweetener dosage on several lots of the stuff. They may amend this, and then the "bad" gummy bears will be recalled and become collectible. Grab'em while they're still hot (and running off your walls and furniture).

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i have not heard of this before and i've eaten those gummi bears in the past. o.o (though admittedly not the sugar-free alternative)

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I just see it as forced memes, possibly intentional viral marketing, like they're selling a gag food to give your enemies disguised as a real candy with astroturfed reviews. The first batch of funny product reviews for different amazon products was almost definitely grassroots, but this memetic power was studied and hijacked by people who wear ties like everything else. This batch of reviews is like Conan Obrien, not funny yet given a big fat soapbox. Plus I really don't like how 70% of the products on amazon are unsellable by normalfags. Sorry, this and most others is a 'restricted item', only insiders can sell it, thanks for your cooperation! And like there's version 5 of something and an older version 4... they'll shoehorn all search to the version 5, only let you sell version 4 if you're lucky, and suddenly version 4 magically gets like 2 star reviews and version 5 gets 5 star reviews. This would all be fine, but no businesses can compete thanks to regulations that they help lobby for, I mean they have lots of money to lobby with with all that money from the manipulated unlevel playing field.

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Q: Can I get 535 orders for our Congress?
A:
Sure. We would be happy to assist you with this. Let us know if you need help ordering.

I died.

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I wait the day for a real sugarless candy that doesn't have artificial sweeteners and tastes like the original version. Which means no dedicating a portion of your day to the toilet.

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Marnetmar said:

(epic post)



That sounds like my chat-up line when talking to women.

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Mr. Chris said:

I've seen videos on Youtube of people eating these gummis and have diarrhea later in the day because of whatever's in them can't be properly digested. The former eat about a pound to 3/4 pound and the latter eats the whole bag.

I spent four hours watching L.A. Beast eating and puking all sorts of things because of this.

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Mr. Chris said:

I wait the day for a real sugarless candy that doesn't have artificial sweeteners and tastes like the original version. Which means no dedicating a portion of your day to the toilet.


How are you going to sweeten something without sugar or artificial sweeteners?

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I should stock up on these and leave them in workplaces people will find.

I WILL TAKE DOWN YOUR BUSINESS, MUAHAHA

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As far as alternative gummi bears go, the WinCo Foods in my area actually sells organic agave gummi bears in bulk. Only slightly more expensive than getting the regular kind, but they don't leave that awful processed sugar aftertaste.

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Random websites are now showing me targeted advertising for Haribo. Thanks Doomworld.

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I heard about this a while ago. The Shoppers Drug Mart down the block from me used to sell them. Admittedly been tempted to try.

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It's still not as funny as the reviews for the Paul Ross canvas print. Those are the best reviews on Amazon.

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Oh God, I thought there was something familiar about L.A. Beast, and then I realized, he's the dipshit who allegedly puked after drinking Crystal Pepsi. It didn't even make sense - for some reason drinking old soda that had gone flat made him sick. I mean, I almost kinda get the joke, but I dunno, it just seems kinda lame to me.

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This effects my father. Whenever he binges on some kind of sugar free product, loose stools usually ensues.

This doesn't effect me in the slightest, however. I can eat sugar free candy until I'm ill and I won't loose my shit.

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