Angry Birds existential question

I had a moment of fridge logic today: exactly what happens to the birds in, well, Angry Birds after they've hit a target? Do they die? Are they merely stunned? Are they seriously injured? The game is a bit ambiguous when it comes to this point...

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I imagine they enter an afterlife of pure bliss, hence why they are so eager and willing to kamikaze themselves into buildings.

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The game does sorta end up as some kind of mass bird suicide. Maybe this whole time Angry Birds has been sort of like some neo-political bullshit about Japan vs the USofA in a 1940s time period. The dirty green pigs are clearly the evil money grubbing capitalist americans, taking whatever they want because they just like to shove their weight around.

The birds are of course different fighter pilots, ranging from long range bombers, paratroops, and kamikazes, giving away their lives for the benefit of their Egg-God Emperor. The red bird, the most famous bird, is thus the red symbol from the Japanese flag. The rest are simply other classes. The black bird is also of note, as are the yellow birds. Black birds represent Japan's recent and short lived Black-Face fad, while the yellow bird clearly indicates to us that asians are sometimes known as Yellows and are referred to have yellow skin.

Just look at some of those pigs anyways. Always eating cakes, and of course the cowboy pigs. The American west! The pigs are all harsh parodies of American culture. It's a clever little gem, is it not? The bastard must be proud with all of his money. We should kill the Jap sympathizer and nuke Japan all over again for their intolerance.

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Suicide? Those fuckers are magic birds. They're too fat to fly like penguins and ostriches, so those bitches rely on fucking magic to teleport. Their death is actually a teleportation when they poof! Since teleporting isn't really offense, that's why they rely on slingshots.

Now you can stop wondering, because I tied that into a neat little package for you.

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geo said:

They're too fat to fly like penguins and ostriches, so those bitches rely on fucking magic to teleport.


I thought they relied on a freakin' huge slingshot for that...

geo said:

Their death is actually a teleportation when they poof!


But some of them don't go "poof" after they smack themselves against the various obstacles, but just roll around and may even stick there till the end of the stage, not entirely unlike the pigs.

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Well they explode after they hit an object so ya there sacrificing there lives. Why else do you think the leftover birds are so happy?

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Doominator2 said:

Well they explode after they hit an object so ya there sacrificing there lives. Why else do you think the leftover birds are so happy?


That makes it even sadder, considering that some of the birds don't explode immediately, but just sit around motionless or roll passively after striking. Gotta presume those go through a longer, miserable, painful agony?

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After the angry birds explode in their kamikaze attacks against the imperialist pigs, they go to bird heaven where their every whims are provided for by 70+1d8 chicks.

Angry Birds is really a subliminal recruitment drive for jihadists.

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Canofbacon said:

Brutal Angry Birds - coming soon


Where you can hear the constant agony and lamentations of the wounded pigs as well as any surviving but badly beaten angry birds? That would be some fucked up and sick shit.

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Maes said:

Where you can hear the constant agony and lamentations of the wounded pigs as well as any surviving but badly beaten angry birds? That would be some fucked up and sick shit.

Don't forget tons of blood.

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Canofbacon said:

Don't forget tons of blood.


I don't know...tons of blood, gore and gibs seems like a very trivial addition to any game to make it "more violent", and it's really hard not to turn the effect into a comical ketchup-fest with mannequin limbs scattered all over (Mortal Kombat 3, I'm looking at you).

IMO, so-called violent games have not fully explored -yet- the audio part of suffering, pain and violence. While so much care has gone to visual blood, gore, blood physics and whatnot, usually sound effects remain a generic "Ahh!" and "Argh!" scream, perhaps with a few exaggerated squishy effects of flesh being torn and bones being broken. But where's the gut-wrenching agonizing scream you'd normally hear? Where's the constant, agonizing crying of the wounded and dying?

FWIW, I recall I once tried to make such a sound mod for Doom in 1996 -making more gut-wrenching and heart-breaking cries, including Doomguy's pain sound. Suffice to say, I found the effect deeply disturbing, and Doom's low quality sound engine just made it sound all the more creepy and depressing, so much that I deleted it :-/

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Maes said:

Where's the constant, agonizing crying of the wounded and dying?

Postal 1 did a pretty good job of it in my opinion. It wasn't totally realistic (and frankly, it's good enough as it is, I wouldn't want the game to be truly disturbing), but it outclassed Postal 2's one fucking NPC voice actor with poor performances being pitch shifted. The marching band on fire sounds brutal in Postal 1, but it's pretty mellow in comparison with Postal 2.

For those interested, there's rumblings that there's gonna be another Postal (or a new title set in the same universe) being done by RWS. They didn't outsource this time, and they've got the old P1/2 voice actor for the Dude back. It could be the upcoming P2 DLC though.

Who knows if RWS will make more than one game a decade? Meh, Postal's kind of worn on me now, I haven't played any version of it in ages.

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Canofbacon said:

Aw man...


I could try to make it again (didn't really put too much effort into it, I basically recorded myself doing a very dramatic pain cry) but in-game it really sounded depressing and miserable :-(

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Maes said:

very dramatic pain cry

If your neighbors aren't hammering on the door/walls/windows and demanding to know what's going on - it's not dramatic enough. ;)

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Canofbacon said:

Brutal Angry Birds - coming soon

10/10 would buy (also Brutal Liero)

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They go to Angry Bird Hell where they are constantly sued for merely existing.

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Do Lost Souls die after they ram into things? Actually, they die after they ram into me, because I'm so fething hard, but that's beside the point.

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No, Lost Souls take no damage after they charge into a target.

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Kotzugi said:

10/10 would buy (also Brutal Liero)

Brutal Tetris or bust.

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Sodaholic said:

Postal 1 did a pretty good job of it in my opinion. It wasn't totally realistic (and frankly, it's good enough as it is, I wouldn't want the game to be truly disturbing)


Back when the game came out it was as disturbing for me as possible. I can still remember one of the characters crawling, holding arms to their head and crying "MY EYE!!!" after getting shot.

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The birds each have 72 virgins waiting for them in heaven if they die destroying the pigs' buildings.

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They're rescuing the little eggs, they'll do anything to save 'em even die for them, that's my point of view, so, I think they die at the end.

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