Jump to content
Search In
  • More options...
Find results that contain...
Find results in...
Hellbent

What if you married your inlaw?

Recommended Posts

Or, better yet, what if she wasn't really your in-law yet....
So your older brother starts dating this really cool chick and you meet her younger sister and you two hit it off and start dating. Both the pairs of you are happy and soon things are getting serious. You go to your bro one day to let him know you are thinking of proposing when he tells you the big news that he's engaged! So... umm... you tell him congrats and stuff and then tell him you want to propose as well. Maybe y'all could have a joint wedding? Has that ever happened? From a genetic standpoint in-laws are fair game. But from a cultural perspective it's a bit wishy washy at best. I dunno, just a thought that came to me.

Share this post


Link to post

I mean, from the logical perspective I tend to view this sort of thing with, then as long as you're happy in your couple it shouldn't make a difference what your siblings are up to. It's the sort of scenario that could realistically arise without you knowing that's what you were getting into. Obviously if one of you has a messy break-up that may have an impact on the other relationship, or potentially cause a fallout between siblings depending on who somebody sides with, but if you avoided relationships based on the potential consequences of a breakup, why ever get in one?


The more messy scenario would be if your dad was dating a woman who had a daughter near your age and you two hit it off, I reckon. I mean, if the parents get married it's suddenly a step-sibling you're with, which is ethical turf I have no idea about, but would probably not go down well with somebody!

Share this post


Link to post
Linguica said:

Don't


Marriage is a pretty huge commitment. Some people never actually find "the one" in their lifetime. If hellbent is seriously considering marrying this girl and you think its a hairy subject, he's probably gonna need something a bit more empathetic than "Don't" to talk him into dumping her and looking elsewhere for someone to spend the rest of his life with.

Share this post


Link to post

This was actually the plot of a manga I read once.

> Just dad and son living together
> Mother died a few years ago
> Kid finds a girl who is into skateboarding like he is
> Kid asks her out, they go out on a date
> Date is a double-date with his dad and his dad's new girlfriend
> Dad is dating the girl's mom
> Dad marries the girl's mom
> The boy and girl are now girlfriend/boyfriend and brother/sister
> Hilarity ensues

Share this post


Link to post

A step-sibling relationship was televised on that skanky Teen Mom show once. I don't think it really matters since it's not actually blood. The problem would be those who don't realize that and such basically destroy the couple socially for the perceived incest. At least they could do some Japanese Manga Roleplaying if they want too, since it's sort of there when it really isn't.

Share this post


Link to post

I have seen these cases and noone really cared, it can sometimes bring two families closer together and such.

However if the blood relation is close then it is messed up and social stigmas on you, you screwed up person.

Share this post


Link to post
40oz said:

Marriage is a pretty huge commitment. Some people never actually find "the one" in their lifetime. If hellbent is seriously considering marrying this girl and you think its a hairy subject, he's probably gonna need something a bit more empathetic than "Don't" to talk him into dumping her and looking elsewhere for someone to spend the rest of his life with.

Did it ever occur to anyone that I may have posted this in EE for a reason? This is a hypothetical situation. I guess I could have stated it, but it's not like I actually indicated it was about me and my brother.

So what if the younger brother in this scenario fell in love with the younger sister like a year after the older brother and the older sister got married? I guess what I'm getting at is at what point does it become stigmatized to hook up with an in law. :D

Share this post


Link to post

Impressions might differ depending on who you ask, but as much as this sort of arrangement is uncommon, I don't think it's all that stigmatized. People with a very rigid view of family as a patriarchal hierarchy (rather than as a set of genetic and interpersonal connections) might raise an eyebrow, but there's no incest involved, so they'll mostly just think it's unusual and not give it much thought. The timing / legality might matter to people with this perspective, since "two brothers dating two sisters" doesn't challenge the preconceived family structural rules in the same way "dating a member (*by law) of your family" would, if one couple married first. But even then, I don't think society is going to reprimand anyone.

Anecdotally, I've known a few families where two siblings got involved with two other siblings, and it was never weird or socially problematic--mildly curious at most. The families are usually close and people generally think it's sweet. By comparison, friends of mine in queer and interracial relationships are still actively stigmatized for it on a regular basis, and yet they all manage just fine. Falling for your sis-in-law won't be half as hard for people to come to terms with.

Also, writers sometimes like this arrangement:
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DoubleInLawMarriage

Share this post


Link to post

I think the part of it that is problematic is more in that the break up of one of the couples can impact the other in a negative way, rather than any hints of incest.

For example, if your older brother and his date broke up, its unlikely that it will be a nice clean mutual break. And when you are not with your date, but your date is with her sister, the older sister might have some animosity towards you for being related to the guy she broke up with. This can put some family tension in the relationship when your date may have trouble picking sides with you or her own sister, and if you marry her, your brother might have to be put in the awkward position of attending a wedding or other family events with his ex girlfriend for the rest of his life.

So I think people might look at relationships of that nature being very unstable, and people want other people to live happily ever after. Not everyone can be Elaine Benes and Jerry Seinfeld.

Share this post


Link to post

Yeah, there is a risk of things getting complicated that way. But there is almost always a similar risk of your relationships and associations making life more difficult or awkward in some way.

Exchange the sibling dynamic for one with close friendships or pairs of colleagues or neighbours, etc, and it's just as easy to envision scenarios that devolve into similar worst case scenarios.

Families encounter (and deal with) rifts and divides and tough choices and awkward tension for a lot of reasons, many of them common and even socially encouraged. This seems no worse. As much as relationships can be unstable, people can be good at managing instability.

Choosing to forsake someone you love because things might become complicated at some point down the road would strike me as a rather cowardly option in most cases.

Share this post


Link to post

One of my cousins married one of an aunt-by-marriage's younger brothers. So technically the aunt is both her aunt-in-law and sister-in-law. Both relationships have gotten on fine, though the significant age difference involved probably helped. If they were of the same generational set, it probably would have seemed a lot weirder.

Share this post


Link to post

If you're in love with someone that isn't a blood relative and they are also in love with you, that's that, far as I'm concerned. If I was in this situation, my stance would be a firm "if you don't like it, fuck off". :)

Share this post


Link to post
Hellbent said:

But from a cultural perspective it's a bit wishy washy at best.

I don't know, I've seen comedies where two brothers fell in love with two sisters. It really sounds sweet. Who will mind? Their parents? Do they have power over them? I'm not asking about your parents because I assume you don't depend this way.

Share this post


Link to post
Linguica said:

Don't marry at all*



I actually knew a kid who's mother divorced his father and married his uncle (father's brother). I wonder what that must of been like.

Share this post


Link to post

Honestly a little bit of a silly thing to worry about. You're not ACTUALLY related, so who cares if society might think it's weird? I think it sounds kind of sweet.

Share this post


Link to post

Don't do it, not because there's anything inherently wrong with it, but rather because it has a chance of severely complicating your family life in the future if either your or your brother's relationship doesn't work out.

Share this post


Link to post
Mithran Denizen said:

People with a very rigid view of family as a patriarchal hierarchy (rather than as a set of genetic and interpersonal connections) might raise an eyebrow, but there's no incest involved, so they'll mostly just think it's unusual and not give it much thought.


Pretty much my thought as well. I had almost this exact situation in my extended family not too long ago, where the younger brother of my cousin's husband started dating that same cousin's younger sister. Obviously, the difference there was that the older pair were already married, but nobody in my family had a problem with the situation, as far as I know. The younger pair ended up splitting for unrelated reasons. Anyway, my advice would be, if you really feel chemistry there, go for it and see what happens. It's true that it can make things very complicated if something goes wrong (although that hasn't happened in my family, as far as I know), but hey, you're always taking a chance in relationships anyway. If you hold back from relationships because of what might happen if things don't work out, you're looking at it from the wrong perspective.

Share this post


Link to post
fraggle said:

Don't do it, not because there's anything inherently wrong with it, but rather because it has a chance of severely complicating your family life in the future if either your or your brother's relationship doesn't work out.

Isn't "what if we break up" a risk that applies in every new relationship?

Share this post


Link to post
fraggle said:

Don't do it, not because there's anything inherently wrong with it, but rather because it has a chance of severely complicating your family life in the future if either your or your brother's relationship doesn't work out.

/thread

J.B.R said:

When ya get married, be prepared, because having a wife ain't easy.
As for me, i'll be a lone wolf, because i have no interests in such things.

I agree with you, getting married will change your life and you probably have to do stuff you may not want to do (this may vary from person to person, however). I don't plan on getting married anytime soon, as this may cause some serious complications in my lifestyle.

After all, not every marriage winds up with a happy ending in the future.

Share this post


Link to post
J.B.R said:

As for me, i'll be a lone wolf, because i have no interests in such things.

A lot of people have said that at some point.

Share this post


Link to post
printz said:

Isn't "what if we break up" a risk that applies in every new relationship?

Usually it's a risk that only involves two people rather than four.

Share this post


Link to post

I'm conflicted between amusement and consternation at the idea of a man loving a woman to the point he's about to propose suddenly getting cold feet because of what-if-we-break-up risk assessment.

Marriage isn't a 'till death do us part deal these days, but it changes your whole life nonetheless. Seems counterintuitive to even consider popping the question if you're not ready to commit. Any years long relationship is going to go through trials much harder than "family reunions might be awkward at some point in a hypothetical future".

Share this post


Link to post

In-laws are not biologically related to you in terms of family genetics. They are like any woman you encounter on the street while not being part of your biogical family tree. picture two brothers, each on their own engaging with one sister of some twin sisters which they randomly met on the street.

The only problem here could be a cultural mindset.

Jaxxoon R said:

Sounds like a typical something you'd see in Japanese media apparently.


I am so sick and tired of this abnormal type of Japan bashing. yes, they make a lot of genres for a lot of age groups... but most of their media has a lot more story and humanity in them than many western live action series. Especially if you ignore the low budget cash-in shows from 15 years ago.

And the west has a few nice examples : exploitation porn, bold and the beutiful, heavy metal, true blood, game of thrones, generic slasher films, final destination... nothing but cheating, sex, or violence and a lot less story than in japanese media.

/rant.

Share this post


Link to post
Phml said:

Any years long relationship is going to go through trials much harder than "family reunions might be awkward at some point in a hypothetical future".

That's my thinking exactly, there's no reason to cheat yourself and your partner of a happy life together because of this sort of circumstance. If your sibling or their sibling is uncomfortable with it to the point of asking you not to do it, it's clear their feelings are, for whatever reason, more important than yours, and that doesn't make sense to me.

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×