Doom Poem: Deer Memories

My first poem. Read and respond please:


DEER MEMORIES
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As I wander a darkened Deimos hall
A light upon my memory cast
Indulge did I in fond recall
Of Father and a hunting trip past

A boy of four feet tip-toed stood
Never having held a gun
My Father, the Nebrasken wood
His double-shooter, truck and Son

We searched amongst the clawing pines
'Til Moon grew full and eyes grew tired
Alas no hide nor hair of hinds
The hunt would end with no shot fired

We journeyed home in Father's truck
Upon his knee I held the wheel
And the corner like a bent knee cruck
My Father hit the brake with heel

The truck first slid, then stopped in snow
Ahead we peered at what we struck
On gravel road in headlight glow
Lay a gasping white-tailed buck

My Father drew his hunting gun
And placed it in my trembling hands
And though I'd always be his Son
That day I changed from boy to man

My thoughts are broken by the glare
Of buzzing Deimos lights shone red
Moments of reflection rare
But I am safe amongst the dead

There was a beast of flesh and wire
Of twenty feet on cloved hoof stood
It stalked this Tower full of ire
It's anger programmed in the blood

Chrome footsteps and a rocket volley
Announced the presence of the beast
I felt the missile flame upon me
The wretched creature missed by feet

I strafed the monster weapon poised
And fired a salvo of green light
There was blood and sparks and smoke and noise
And still a Demon stood upright

But something changed within the beast
It's wires crackled frayed and raw
Face to face the stand-off ceased
And I was quickest on the draw

No more the beast would stand upright
I peered through smoke, my gun withdrawn
And just like on that distant night
There lay a broken, gasping fawn

My helpless quarry begged of me
With pleading eyes, if not with tongue
To put it out of agony
I drew my double-shooter gun

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Nice.

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Very nice. I especially enjoy the ambiguity of the last bit.

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Okay, I was confused when reading this for the first time and then seeing my own post right below. But I guess it was so cool, it deserved a bump (not just here, but in my memory as well).

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Thanks EQ :-)

I remember at the time thinking inspiration would continue for me to make a series of these but sadly not!

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I hit a deer on my bicycle once, but alas, it got away.

purist said:

I strafed the monster weapon poised
And fired a salvo of green light
There was blood and sparks and smoke and noise
And still a Demon stood upright

Brilliant.

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Hellbent said:

I hit a deer on my bicycle once, but alas, it got away.


You know whats funny? I was gonna mention that...

Fantastic poem, nice work.

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