Well it's obvious I haven't learned anything.
Heya there! I want you to do an exercise of imagination. So it's Friday night and you're at home, having come from a long week of work when you finally get to relax. So, you start watchin TV, then you make a cup of coffee, whatever, make ya pick.
And then you decide to go to bed. But you hear some noises from the kitchen, and go investigate. You look around you, but there ain't anything. Just when you prepare to head back to bed, thinkin it was nuttin, you hear some rushed footsteps behind you, louder, and louder... and then you turn around ya, and you suddenly see a homie with a hockey mask and an axe behind you, but he slams you in the face too fast and you barely get to react.
That homie is me. Welcome to "Fun with ma' Swiss Armee Knife!" where I'm gonna show you the REAL fun thing you can do with an SAK. You can try this at home too, with your fish or cat or bitch wife or whatever I don care just read my fuckin story and post your feedback about my mental integrity afterwards...
Aight... where were we? Ah, yeah,... so you wake up tied up in an rusty uncomfortable metal chair, in some sort of basement. There's a weak light bulb slowly swinging on the ceiling. You notice the walls are full of blood, and there's also a guy in a red hoodie around 3m in front of you cleaning some sort of silver tool with a cloth. You try to scream, but you realise you're tied up around your mouth. The guy, however, seems to hear ya and turns around. He's the same motherfucker which knocked you with the axe ealier, me. I aproach you, while carefully closing the blade in my knife and tell you:
"What do we have here? A guest! Oh, I'm sorry, what a lack of manners on me to forget introducing! I'm James Earl Cash, but my friends call me Prototype. Nice meeting you!"
I try to shake hands with you but "... it seems you're a little tight in here, hehehe".
"Oh, did I introduce you to my friend, Vickie? Oh, how clumsy I am today!" I pull out my knife. "This is Vickie. He's a Swiss Army Knife , but a special breed, you see, he's an Alox knife,... ah, never mind, you probably don't want to hear all this rubbish! Make yourself comfortable in here, hehe, I'll be right back!"
You twitch in desperation, slowly realising the terror that is about to happen, but you can't move cuz youre all tied up remember?
Finally, I return, apperently fading out of thin air from the dark in the room. "So, if we still here, I figured maybe you, me and Vickie could have a lil' fun together, whaddya think?"
You moan something but you cant say shit. "Ah, excellent, I'll take that as a yes!"
"So I was talkin bout Vickie earlier, right? Now, ma' pal has four tools on 'em. Let's start with the blade!"
I open the SAK's
blade calmly, and start peeling your cheeks. You seem very aggitated.
"Vickie here's got razor sharp metal. Soon the blood gonna pop out and thats where the fun starts!" I tell you as the area which comes in contact with the knife becomes redder and redder, and ultimately a thin river of blood bursts out of your cheek. As you feel the warmth of the liquid going down to your mouth, you panick and start screaming and move desperately...
"Shhhh, shhhh,... the neighbours are sleeping! You don't want to wake them up... I mean, I've got mercy on you and I'm using just a Swiss, but, they... oh, they gonna smack ya brains on the wall with the bat! Well, anyway, I'd love to cut some more of you, but we got three more tools, remember?"
I put the knife back and pull out my screwdriver/prybar.
"Now here we got a fairly interesting tool. Lemme show you what it can do!"
I shove the tool inside your toenail, and then I pop it out of it's socket brutally, splattering the floor with blood. Your screams are horrific. "Shhhh, baby, relax, it's gonna be okay!" I say and then I french kiss ya forcibly, and during the kiss, I break your ear with the screwdriver, probably causing you to lose your left hearing permanently.
"It's okay, see, baby? Soon, there ain't gonna be no more annoying chatter from your stupid bitch grandmother which I gonna ass rape and throw in the river after I'm done and she eats my fuckin cum."
Then I proceed by popping out all your toenails, one by one, causing you xtreme pain with every one. "See it wasn't that hard? Now let's see what we got more in here..."
I pull out my reamer. "Ah, so here we got a particularly useful tool that has been designed for various industrial tasks, the reamer! Hell, I guess it should be good enough to scalp you... Heheheh..."
*you scream and cry horribly*
I start making a cut around where your hair grows, while doing so I say: "See, this ain't a movie, there ain't gonna be no happy end to this, so stop the fuck screamin and accept it. You'll get your chance... in the afterlife, hehe..."
Massive ammounts of blood flow on your body and drop on the floor, making a red pool around you. After I finish cutting, I take the piece of skin that covered your head and throw it away. You are almost blacked out, in a state of shock, shivering...
"Oh, darling, you are nearly finished! We'd better hurry up, I'd really like to see your insides before you are dead. I apologize, I'm gonna have to be harsh on this one..."
I open my can-opener up, and take your shirt off. I start cutting from the chest down, just as if I opened a can. I ultimately make a deep cut, which I then open up, to reveal your internal organs.
"Oh, your heart is so cute while it's still ticking! And these intestines are also so cute! Baby, when did you become so hot?"
You gargle and vomit at your sight of your internals. "Oh, I'm so sorry cupcake, I thought you liked these! Seems we're gonna have to blind you from the sight of them, so that you wouldn't feel uncomfortable anymore!"
I pull out my reamer, which now has a horrible shade of red over it, and grab you by you neck.
"Stand still now, baby..."
I aim and then I stick the reamer inside your eyeball, while you scream and cry, probably praying for your death...
I do that with the other eye too.
I then gouge both eyeballs out with the screwdriver... "Ah, this thing can back for a prybar so good!" I say with sarcasm...
"Oh, seems your eyeballs are still hanging by their nerves into your skulll... But you're in luck! The screwdriver can also back for a wire-stripper! I love SAKs!"
I cut your nerves, causing the eyeballs to fall separated on the floor...
"Oh, shit, you died!"
You lay there motionless in the now bloody rusted chair, surrounded by a pool of blood. Your heart has stopped.
I give you one last french kiss and then I ass-rape your dead body. I cut your penis off (with the blade) and take it as a souvenir, leaving the room afterwards.
"Aren't Swiss Army Knives a whole lotta fun, Vickie? The road is ours! Yet another dumb fuck we scored!"
I leave this song playing on repeat on the pickup:
Thanks for your attention!
Last edited by [PROTOTYPE] on Jul 22 2012 at 18:04