SIGIL.... A customer wants to play, but....

[4everDoomed]

A Mothy Python reference…..in case you don't get the point

 

- A customer enters a videogame shop.

 

Customer: "Good morning !"

Shopkeeper: "Good morning, Sir… Welcome to „Gamers Paradise“,- name it, we have it !"

 

Customer: "Ah, thanks... that sounds great ! I guess you can help me out. I was walking 'round the streets and suddenly I got in the mood to buy a new FPS game. It's been awhile,- so I thought to enter your little shop to get some doomish goods for some bleedin' fun.

Shopkeeper: "What?!"

 

Customer: "I'd like to buy some games, man!" 

"So, my dear lad,- I’ve heard of Sigil, whatever that is… do you have any Sigil? It was supposed to be released a few moths ago but I never saw it since. And now I really need to play that. Can you offer that ?"

Shopkeeper: "Oh….mmmm..I’m afraid not Sir. It’s been delayed a couple o' times. I don’t have it yet."

 

Customer: "Dammit…. What a shame… alright then… I’m fond of any FPS games –you know- sort of „ego-shooters“.

What about an original copy of Ultimate Doom for the good old PSX ?

Shopkeeper: "No, Sir… We usually don’t sell games for such old systems anymore…sorry!"

"...Oh wait! There’s a Final Doom …oops…it’s scratched badly and won’t run anymore…"

 

Customer: "Oh boy! Then give me Timesplitters for PS2 , that was awesome and I’d like to have it again."

Shopkeeper: "Ummm…no….it’s not there either. It’s a bit out of date as well."

 

Customer: "Nothing ? Damn, bad luck again. Ok, what about PS3 games, they should be still quite popular, aren't they?"

Shopkeeper: "Oh yes, indeed. We have a lot of PS3 games in stock."

 

Customer: "AWESOME! Well, what about Bioshock ?"

Shopkeeper: "naahh..sold the last one two weeks ago…we don’t have any Bioshock games for the time being,  sorry."

 

Customer: "Ok…I’d give it a try with Far Cry 3."

Shopkeeper: "No, Sir…there’s not much interest in that round these parts…"

 

Customer: "You gotta be kiddin‘ mate ! Far Cry3 is one oft the most demanded games lately. What the hell ?! "

…. 'Ok calm down'…. "Do you have any Killzone , 1,2, or 3.. doesn’t matter."

Shopkeeper: "It should have been delivered yesterday, but ...the van broke down and didn't arrive. Sorry."

 

Customer: "Call of Duty?"

Shopkeeper: "No…"

 

Customer: "Battlefield ?"

Shopkeeper: "nope."

 

Customer: "Rage ?"

Shopkeeper : "no."

 

Customer: "Borderlands ?"

Shopkeeper: "Im afraid not, Sir.."

 

Customer: "Resistance, Rainbow Six , Crysis?"

Shopkeeper: .........

 

Customer: "Too bad… what am I supposed to play then… Mmmmhh."

Shopkeeper: "Well, we have…...."

 

Customer interrupts: "No! ..I'm keen to guess… do you mean F.E.A.R ?! I’d be happy to get that at least."

Shopkeeper: "No Fear here, sorry about that."

 

Customer: "Metro, Payday, DEUS EX, Prey, Sniper Elite, Dying Light, Wolfenstein...."

Shopkeeper interrupts: "Yes !?"

 

Customer: "Wolfenstein it is ? ..awesome. I’ll take that then…"

Shopkeeper: "Ohh noo…a pity! I thought you meant me… My name is Frank Wolfenstein…. Sorry again.. no game for you...."

 

Customer: "Titanfall, Medal of Honor, Painkiller, any James Bond … , Quake ? …"

Shopkeeper: "Noo… But I can show you a USB stick with several PWADs on it. You can have them for free… but some of those PWADS might be a bit slow on your computer."

 

Customer: "It's ok…as long as I can play…"

Shopkeeper: "In my opinion, it’s really slow…"

 

Customer:"Ah, I'd surely like it .... just give it to me.."

Shopkeeper: "IT’s probably slower than you like it, Sir."

 

Customer:"I don’t care how fuckin‘ slow that is. Hand it over with all speed, right now !

Shopkeeper: "OOOhhhh Noooohhhh!

 

Customer: "What happened?"

Shopkeeper: "The cat’s swallowed it… Ths stick is gone..sorry"

 

Customer: "Has he?"

Shopkeeper: "She , Sir!"

 

Customer: "I can’t believe it. It’s not much of a game shop, isn’t it ?"

Shopkeeper: "The best in town, Sir!"

"But......You haven't asked me about Duke Nukem, Sir..."

 

Customer:  "Would it be worth it?"

Shopkeeper: "Could be.."

 

Customer: "OK, I'm game.....Do you have Duke Nukem; expecting the answer No...."

Shopkeeper: No

 

Customer: "Of course…I knew it … it was an act of pure optimism to ask this question desperately...."

"Tell me, Mr. .."

Shopkeeper: "Yes?"

 

Customer: "Do you have any games at all?"

Shopkeeper: "Yes Sir!"

 

Customer: "If I get the wrong answer again, I'm gonna shoot ya!!"

"So..do you have any damn games ?!?!?!!"

Shopkeeper: "No."

 

- Customer unveils a sawed-off double barred shotgun and blows the hell out of him......-

 

Customer: "What a senseless waste of human life..."

 

 

 

Not as good as the original, but I had to do that. Sigil's delay gave me some inspiration >:)

Thanks to both John Cleese and John Romero for their works. 

 

 

[ILOVEDOOM!]

*insert REALLY loud laughing here*

[Hellbent]

hahahaha, you should have drawn out the delayed aspect of Sigil at least three back and forths; but good show nonethless! One of my favorite Monty Python skits.