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Kage No Shujin

Doom (A tribute poem)

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How's this poem I made for my tribute of Doom

Doom
Walking down the dark corridor
Smelling death and sour lemons
Hearing a hiss, a growl, a moan
Looking around at what used to be “home”
Stepping through what once had life
Hoping none come back
From what which they had been dead

Suddenly I heard a scrape
Vainly I had wished to rake
The soul of that attacking me
Routing death upon thee
Again I heard that infernal graze
Of what sounded of a metal raze

Pivoting as fast as I could
Looking for the thing that would
Create that noise of what came to be
That of which surrounded me

Nothing

I turned back around
Looking straight at the ground
While I stared, I horridly noticed
That my legs, my legs are broken
The reason why I feel that fear
I got no pain, I felt no tears
That is why I figured out
My brain is dead, my feeling’s out
I am alive, that is no lie
But I am dead, without a doubt

I am one that walk the earth
Hoping my longevity is not eternal

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Pretty cool and well written/laid out. The 'sour lemons' description kind of bothered me when I read it, as that's not a smell I would associate with anything in Doom, or warfare/dead things in general--it just struck me as really out of place in the overall context. Maybe dead hellspawn have a lemony aroma, until ID Software releases Doom: Olfactory Edition, we'll never know.

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Very well written, powerful. MmM has a point about the sour lemons part but besides that you made a very good Doom poem.

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The "sour lemons" are from the doom books. The characters explained the zombie smell as "sour lemons" or "rotten lemons". That is why I incorporated that in there.

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Ah ok. I haven't read the Doom books so I woulden't know, but thats cool that you incorporated that in. Again, nice work.

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I haven't read the Doom books either, but now that you've explained the reference, I understand where you're coming from. I wonder where the author(s) of said books came up with idea that demons would smell of tainted lemons . . .

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My guess was that was just the smell a freshly dead corpse put out, mixed with stale space station air, possibly also mixed with demon drool and Imp mucus.

That, and the aliens eventually tried manufaturing human soldiers, and the materials they used may have put off those smells, too.

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I liked the poem, I tried writing one once, don't know if it's still around.

In connection to the smell debate- Taken straight from the end of episode 1-

"It stinks like rotten meat, but looks like the lost Deimos base."

Sounds pretty conclusive to me.

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Ok i used to be Kage No Shujin. But I lost my freakin password. Bank, that is a really nice increment you have there. Keep tryin to make a poem or a story. Once you write one, and just look at it, you'll think it's crap, rewrite the crap, and think, I can do this, and write more.

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