Hyena

This alone convinces me that I have to play the wad just to see for myself how awful it is. Edit: I ran this wad in Zdoom, Prboom, Legacy, Skulltag, Eternity, and was even suicidal enough to try it in Edge. Every one of them crashed on loading either the first or second maps. From the engines that survived loading the first map, I was able to see for myself that it was a room with a desk and computer that didn't look half bad. For some reason I then walk into a closet and walk past about 5 unusable doors and have to walk out through a bookshelf that opens for some reason. There's a big chaingun in the closet but it's put there only to mock the player because there's no way to get it. I have no idea what map02 looks like, because it crashes every damn doom engine I have. In fact, because I was stupid enough to try it in Edge, my computer froze and I had to reset. Edit again: I see in the text file it recommends GLBoom. Not because of engine requirements, but because it "looks better". I should note that the crashes have nothing to do with GL requirements, but blatant mapper errors. I opened the wad in an editor and found several unclosed sectors as well as other strange problems such as a linedef having no first sidedef. The strangest error is "Linedef 1799 uses -1 Sidedef twice" whatever the hell that means. I am now attempting to play it again (Yes, I'm that masochistic) in GLBoom. More information on this crisis as it becomes available. Edit 3: I will attempt to describe the horrors of map02. You wander around streets fighting the bad guys from Batman Doom who drop candy canes, which incidentally are your ammunition. Everything is square, not particularly well detailed (the streamers hanging over the streets are a fairly nice touch though and the non-batman textures look decent). There's some HOM here and there that you'll definitely notice. At one point I found a group of about 12 shotgun-toting thugs standing in the middle of a snowbank facing away from me. I picked off at least half of them before the rest of them knew I was there. Why the author felt it necessary to give them the "deaf" flag is one of those great mysteries we'll never unlock, like "Who made the pyramids?" and "Why did they make the movie Catwoman?" I found it nearly funny that there was a bank named "Rob This Bank". Otherwise, this is an almost entirely boring map. Final Edit: Okay, thankfully maps 3 to 5 were filler maps. The final map in this masterpiece of a wad places you outside of Santa's compound with more fun graphical errors in the sky. Have fun trying to guess the magic parts of the fence that you can walk through because they look like the normal non-magical parts of the fence that you can't walk through. While you are trying to do this, you are being fired upon by SS Officers drawn as elves. You have absolutely no cover and the fact that there are about a hundred thousand million billion trees supposedly there for decoration (even though they're in neat rows that make them look incredibly unnatural) which constantly block your movement and obscure your vision. To make this final map even greater, when you die (which you will because there's about fifty elves firing on you while you're bumping into trees and searching for magic fences) you lose the shotgun that you get in map05 making this map completely impossible if you didn't save. If you'll excuse the gargantuan run-on sentence, I would like to take this moment to congratulate the author for believing that everyone would want to play this incomplete version of what would be a horrendous wad even without the many, many awful bugs, simply because it's a Christmas-themed wad like the other Christmas-themed wads that were made every year for at least five years now. It has made my last half hour somewhat amusing, even though I lost some data in unsaved documents in the process. I recommend this wad to anyone who has been a tad disappointed by Super Sonic Doom, because it helps to put things in perspective.

Porkchop sandwiches! Oh SHIT! Get the fuck out of here! Go on! What are you doing? Get the fuck out of here, you stupid idiots! Fuck, we're all dead! Get the fuck out!

I'm not sure how this got on the topic of James Bond, but I think the reason it's not really working is that James Bond makes a terrible spy. I mean, he's good at fighting, escaping from danger, improvising weapons, driving cars, and outsmarting villains. He's terrible at sneaking around, though. He can't break into any place without shooting about four guards, and then run out with alarms blazing and being chased by hundreds of armed soldiers, just miraculously getting away when capture seems imminent. He's a cool character, always blowing things up, defeating the villains, and getting the girl (or actually about three to twelve girls per movie) and fun to watch in an action sense, but he doesn't really belong in a spy movie. I'll tell you, when I watched the Bourne Identity (The first one, not the sequel) I was left with the distinct impression that James Bond is a wuss. Oh, and getting back on subject. I feel sorry for kids who would play "Captain Planet" in the playground who never could get a full game going because no one was willing to be the kid with "Heart" power.

I don't listen to a lot of alternative, but these bands I've been listening to non-stop for the last twelve weeks: Prussian Deathblade Hara Kiri Nut Tubbbtruck Baby Ticklers Dirty Reginald Joe's Black Ostrich Expo Detroit-Iowa 36DD Ritalin Dead Cancer Society Electric Hobo Second Cousin Twice Removed Dildo in a Sock The Lee Harvey Oswalds Grandpa Farted Homemade Napalm The Silver Hairy Harrys Meat Ball Loaf Deadly Victory Move Zig For Justice Brain Crotch

Hee hee.

Okay, again, I'm NOT counting hacks.

Oh well. It could have been battery acid or something.

You know, every time someone is killed in a really stupid way like that everyone is really quick to jump in and make fun of them, but I have to wonder how many of us are really capable of doing something incredibly stupid at just the wrong moment. I think even the smartest of us have temporary but huge lapses in judgement.

And yes, there will always be people who take it too far.

It's actually pretty simple. If you insult something that someone loves, they will often feel like the insult was directed at them because they enjoyed it. Think about it this way: If you think something is intelligent and somebody else says that it's stupid, in essense they are calling you stupid. I've definitely been guilty of this way of thinking. However, I usually like it a bit more when people are quick to defend something (even though they often come off as a complete moron) than when they are quick to insult something. I find often people will simply dismiss a movie, game, or whatever as bad, because among other reasons it makes them look smart. Person A says "I really liked [insert game]" Person B snorts and says "The levels were too linear, the music was too repetitive, and the final boss was way too easy" Person A feels insulted, and tries to convince person B that the game is good, usually by simply talking about what he thinks are its saving graces, or about the game's popularity. Person B might see some of the arguments as sort of valid, but decides that he seems more witty if he appears to be "above" such arguments and then goes on to brag to his friends in the "I Hate Everything Club" about how he made Person A look like an idiot. And the sad thing is, he did.

Hah. My all-time best, eh? My all-time best show is the one my friends and I filmed in the basement back when I was 10. Sadly I have not produced any actual TV broadcasts and I highly doubt anyone else here has. Also, Friends and 3rd Rock are hardly what I would call a TV "drama" but it was still fascinating to learn that they were made in Korea. I seriously did not know that. Good job, man. Keep churning out hits.

Okay, but are all the games I mentioned there C64 games? As for KKK Adventure, Fuck Quest, The Last Einhof, and Weirdland, I have no idea what systems they're for. If I know what system they're for, I can probably find my way to getting them. Edit: Some internet searches generated hits for all of these games except KKK Adventure, and there was only one for Last Einhof which was a Russian site that I needed to translate, in which there wasn't much information at all. However, the three games I got hits for *appear* to be PC games (Ie, Dos/Windows), in which case I can't really use them.

Thanks everyone. A few notes: Searching gamefaqs.com gave me one hit for "How to be a Complete Bastard" and it was a commodore 64 game. Didn't see an entry for any other system. Gamefaqs also did not give me any hits for KKK Adventure, Fuck Quest, The Last Einhof, or Weirdland. Are any of these Hacks or Mods? I'm looking for games that were actually up on shelves in stores (or in arcades). For instance, the Hacked version of Megaman, Mega Crap, was pretty weird ("A vicious army of gaybos is bent on destroying your dick") but it's not a real game, just the product of a kid who got his hands on a megaman rom and a hex editor. It's also possible gamefaqs doesn't have the most complete video game listing in the world. If anyone knows of another site where I can look up information such as the system, publisher, and release year of any game sold over the counter, please let me know. And finally, I really need to know the name of that C64 game with a Michael Jackson lookalike (especially if you're not exaggerating). It isn't just a port of Moonwalker is it?

Another visitor. Stay awhile. Stay forever!

Show me a british dictionary with defin-A-tely. I'm pretty sure it's "definitely" everywhere. Nyah nyah nyah! I'll spell colour correctly if I want to. Feel free to spell anything however the hell you want to. By the way, real classy generalizing everyone outside of the little country you call home with the words "freaking foreigner". I think you'll find people living in Not-America outnumber you by about 6 billion.