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About AD_79

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    BTSX Apologist

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  1. ^ I only ever played through it on one difficulty (probably HMP) so I had no idea that it had this feature. Very cool!
  2. Player starts are unfortunately the only (as far as I am aware of) thing unaffected by difficulty settings. Having multiple flagged for different difficulties will result in voodoo dolls taking their places on all settings. You could use a teleporter at the very start of the map to change the starting point, but it's less immediate and I can't think of any maps that do such a thing. It's possible there are some out there though, and I think it's an idea worth exploring!
  3. AD_79

    The DWmegawad Club plays: Doom 2 In Spain Only

    You played MAP28 instead of MAP27.
  4. In attempting to diagnose my inability to create consistently and figure out how to improve things, I've hit upon a realization that I've felt for ages but never consciously noticed: I am positively terrified of putting things out there nowadays. All I've managed recently is either a few maps for outside projects, or a couple solo pieces pulled from incomplete or abandoned works. For the past few years, it feels like reviewers who do thorough map-by-map analysis (the Doomworld Megawad Club, Dean of Doom) have been contributing to my ever-growing self-consciousness regarding every decision I make within the editor. It stresses me out thinking that whatever I do may be picked apart and heavily scrutinized, map by map, piece by piece. All I want is for people to play my work and hopefully have a good time, without the perceived weight of expectations on my shoulders and without the fear of my ideas being torn to shreds by players.


    Is this an irrational fear of something that every creator out there has no choice but to face and accept? Yes. Does it still eat away at me like you would not believe? Also yes, and sometimes I feel as if I'm approaching wit's end when it comes to the creative process. Is this a necessary post? I don't know.

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. KeaganDunn


      [Below is mostly me talking about me, yes. I'm just relating]


      This is exactly how I've felt in recent times, AD. I feel ya. Every single time I have someone playtest my Doom maps - which are known to be more challenging and uncaring of typical standards and expectations - I'm embarrassed if not frustrated with myself when problems arise. I make maps to provide an experience to the player, and when people do me a favor and help test it, they play those buggy beta builds which, when in such a state, often can detract from the "experience" (aka whatever the hell it is I'm going for). The maps become more of an embarrassment to me, especially if the testers or reviewers are the types to dwell on the mistakes.


      This is absolutely the case when the map is difficult, and with every death, I can feel my tester's frustration rising, and I recoil in guilt...and silence.


      I recoil or go AFK in fear or embarrassment whenever showing off my WIP works, especially in a voice chat. (This happened more recently with a "commissioned" video I made as well.) I don't often watch videos of people playing my own maps - I end up giving them radio silence. Even people reading excerpts of the stories I write! Just full-on cringing from embarrassment, even if there's no reason to and I'm genuinely proud of the story.


      It's a toxic mindset I do believe I have developed, especially where music is concerned. Much more recently I've considered quitting it, at least as a focused hobby. I know jack shit about both theory and production, comparatively-speaking. I have so many ideas and lyrics written down due to life situations, but I'm never proud of them, so to speak, and never feel like I can make them come to life myself.


      Weight of expectations, self-consciousness, self-doubt, fear of over-analyzers and overly harsh criticism...all things we fear and maybe actually go through sometimes. But one thing is for sure: like Fonze said, all of what we do is a labor of love. How we process showing the fruits of our labor to other people is important, no matter if your work is good or bad, or how others perceive it.

      It's rough, but it is definitely possible to just allow ourselves to make what we want and are happy with. No matter what others think. We can find something that works.

    3. Jimmy


      "Why we create" is a monster of a question if your answer isn't "to hear what other people think" or "to make me happy/fulfilled". I feel like these two answers are lacklustre, and are tied inexorably to there being a necessity for an audience's approval. However, giving fewer shits about what your audience thinks is harder than it sounds, especially when feedback and critique can come from all angles and potentially stun you with commentary (negative or positive!) that you were in no way going to be prepared for. The internet has largely ruined how people think criticism is supposed to work.


      You may arrive at your own answer(s) to the "why we create" question, but for me, really the only reason I ever need to create is to just fill a "void" wherever I see one.


      - "Oh, I haven't mapped for Ultimate Doom before very much, lemme fix that by seeing if I can make a megawad..."

      - "Hmm, hub episodes are pretty commonly done for Doom and Hexen but not Heretic... wonder if I can plug that gap..."

      - "I bet this story idea is something that no one's done quite like this before. Even if there are similarities elsewhere in the great oeuvre of humanity's history of storytelling, this will be pulling from my own personal folder of experiences and so will be unique by default - that gives it purpose to exist."

      - "Any maps exist that use orange and heliotrope for a predominant colour palette? Probably very few. Let' s fix that."


      These thoughts focus more on the organising and actualising of ideas, and of self-stimulation through the creative process itself, rather than whatever lies beyond.


      I hope this helps shed light on your situation, AD (and Dunn!).

    4. anon9610


      hey, I was just browsing the forum trying to find the thread for Terminal Stages of Nostalgia (played this back in May and wanted to replay it again after I've lost my Doom folder) I couldn't quite remember the full name but I very well remembered that you were the author, so I came to your profile first to find the download and then I saw this post and it stopped me dead in my tracks, so I just created the account to tell you this:

      I love your work, both the maps I had the pleasure to play and the MIDIs I had the joy to listen to while playing.

      It breaks my heart to read this, I understand how you feel and as a fellow mapper (not for Doom, but for another classic FPS) I relate to everything mentioned in your post. While feedback help us learn and improve, it can be disheartening reading someone scrutinize something they didn't like, and even more so if they don't mention the stuff they did like in their post (for example I'm okay with receiving critique on the gameplay, but I'd like to hear if they enjoyed the atmosphere...) It's understandable to feel this way after you've put so much thought and effort into it and it can be tiring.

      Sometimes I'm already aware of the imperfections and I'd rather people to just play the map without overanalyzing it and just have fun, basically the way I feel about user made content for these games (Doom, Quake, Half-Life) is that they don't need to be absolutely perfect in every aspect to be enjoyable for the great majority of players that just want to play more content for the games we love. But as Fonze already mentioned, there are players that enjoy dissecting other's work for amusment or as a learning experience and we'll always receive feedback, sometimes they'll tell you how they think you could make them even better and sometimes they'll just tell you they liked it without going too much into details.

      When I finished the Nostalgia map I was later surprised to read on the thread that you once lost confidence in it, since I had so much fun with it, I'm thankful that you ultimately decided to finish and share it with us. So if your mission is for people to have fun with your work, I think you darn well succeed in that. You are very talented and I'm sure your contributions are appreciated by the community.

      I really hope you can overcome the stress this has caused you and the fears you face as a creator, I don't want you to feel the obligation to live up to expectations. I wish I had like an actual helpful advice on how to work this out, but I'll just say that it's okay to relax and take a break or maybe make a map that isn't necessarily a magnus opus and just something you did for your own pleasure and no one else.

      PS: to answer the very last sentence in your post: yes, it is necessary and healthy to voice your concerns and worries every once in a while, and it helps other people in the community to be aware of these issues and maybe hopefully we can help each other out.

  5. AD_79

    [Community Project] VANITY

    As a project leader, you actually do need to explain things like this. This line confuses me for two reasons, both because I actually love and encourage damaging floor usage, but also because I could not find any instance of this being present in the map? The one room which requires walking on it immediately gifted a suit to the player to prevent any damage. Some of your points are pretty reasonable (the visuals are on the rough side and could use some work, and an inescapable pit that isn't communicated to the player until they are in it can perhaps be in poor taste) but others are more questionable. The themes in the OP for the most part don't feel too well-defined and can potentially be interpreted in a multitude of ways. Preparing example maps before the project goes live to give people a rough idea of what a theme should look like would help. The cyberdemon room is an interesting idea and not nearly as tight as you made it out to be, but the presence of the switches to lower platforms confuses me, as they only seem to hinder the player. Additionally, you neglected to mention the map's more pressing problems. It's generally good practice to put a switch near what it controls, which this map fails to do on more than one occasion. This results in some confused searching of the map until progression is found. The yellow key is also picked up right before an unmarked yellow key door, right after pressing a switch with yellow key markers. It's a strange sequence. Also, in what I assume to be the intended port (DSDA-Doom -complevel 9), I had to change multiple compatibility settings in order to play through the map. Please ensure that both you and your mappers are testing properly. If you want to lead a project, which is a fair bit harder than it seems, you're going to have to improve your feedback and the way in which you deliver it. Otherwise, you're going to drive people away. It's unfortunately already happened in this thread.
  6. I'll share mine. I think attempting to place a pure platforming map into a Scythe-esque project (it's in the thread title!) is a very poor idea. Many people are not going to enjoy these sorts of maps and would prefer something that fits the aim of the project better, myself included. This is a niche map (far more than Run From It ever was) that belongs in a niche mapset, not this one.
  7. AD_79

    The DWmegawad Club plays: Doom 2 In Spain Only

    I think you may consistently expect a little too much of me. Sometimes I want to make a simple, straightforward Doom map. I'd prefer not to feel additional pressure to make sure everything I create reaches some imaginary high bar of conceptual creativity and quality. That takes a lot out of me.
  8. AD_79

    The Dean of Doom series (companion thread)

    After watching the video, I decided to play Requiem through fully for the first time. I had gone through chunks of it before, typically stopping somewhere in the first third but never reaching beyond that, and... I had a very different experience. I mostly enjoyed it! There are some really interesting and fun ideas amongst the jank and strangeness that I think are worth experiencing at least once, with some moments getting genuine laughs out of me, and something that really surprised me was its relative brevity. My playthrough (which was admittedly at a fairly brisk pace, being the way I typically play) did not exceed four hours of in-game time, and the presence of multiple short maps spread throughout was very much appreciated. Yes, even the blink-and-you'll-miss-them Adam Windsor maps in the final third. I think if done today with more bite (or hell, less! Combat-free intermission maps are a valid idea too), the concept of a two-minute map in the last leg of a megawad/large project is something I would absolutely love to see more of. Please do this more, mappers! I think something that contributed substantially to my enjoyment was the way I played it. UV (and especially UV pistol starting) seemed like it would potentially be unpleasant to some degree and maybe not the ideal way to play, so I opted for HMP continuous. This allowed me to carry over necessary heavy munitions and easily clear out excess meat, which made playing the maps more relaxing and fun. All I can say is that if you couldn't enjoy a set beforehand, give it a try with a different approach and mindset. There's a chance you may think differently of it!
  9. AD_79

    DBP61: Tempest Enterprise

    I wouldn't know about past projects, as I haven't played many of them. That being said, either make the decision to have difficulty settings across the board or not, I can respect either of those approaches. Having some maps with and others without makes it feel unfinished, as if some mappers simply could not be bothered to implement them.
  10. AD_79

    DBP61: Tempest Enterprise

    I played through it, and I really wish you guys would slow down and space these projects out more. As is the standard with DBPs, there are some genuinely cool ideas here (the general theme and palette are pretty great) that don't frequently feel like they're given enough time in the oven to bring everything around them up to par. Some pretty strong maps mixed in; 01, 11, and 12 come to mind as well-constructed and fitting within the overall concept, the last of which is a pretty consistently exhilarating experience that pleasantly surprised me. The monster count and corridor-heavy nature of it made me expect worse, but it was easily the most enjoyable map of the bunch. 05's ending area is also pretty cool. Didn't care for a bunch of the others though, which sometimes felt like inconsistent mishmashes of ideas without too much real direction or focus. The constantly shifting visual quality and lack of difficulty settings in half of the maps only added to the lack of cohesion and the sensation that this was rushed to some extent. You can do better.
  11. AD_79

    [FINAL RELEASE] Eviternity

    Always wanting/requiring your Doom music to sound a certain way ("it has to be dark and grunge-y", "it has to be metal", etc.) is silly. Jimmy and stewboy's creative, varied and often decidedly un-"Doom-y" material was and remains a massive inspiration for me, and I would have had far less interest in composing my own if all of the community's musical output sounded like the original game's soundtrack. Pretty much anything can work when paired up with the right map. Exactly. Doom can be so many different things, and every person is going to have their own vision for what can be done within this game. This is a big part of why the community has continued to thrive for so long.
  12. It was already posted in a thread about soundtrack reviews. I've considered contributing to the Wadazine once or twice before. It's possible you may remember this. I lost interest because I wasn't convinced the sort of things I wanted to do (more in-depth critiques of projects, talking of both positives and negatives, maybe with some sort of score? I'm an avid reader of a particular metal review site and wanted to do something vaguely similar for WADs) would both be incompatible with what you want the Wadazine to be, as well as being unnecessarily close scrutiny of what is, at the end of the day, free content created by hobbyists for fun.
  13. This issue of the Wadazine was posted two days ago, which is not a long period of time. How do you not still have the original files? This feels very shortsighted. I've got some other issues as well, if I'm honest. I've never found the Wadazine particularly engaging to read; it is a frustrating blend of "overly bloated" and "surprisingly insubstantial", especially when it comes to WAD reviews. I wouldn't mind "too many words" if they felt worth reading, but at least to me it doesn't tend to be the case. The KDiKDiZD segment is a prime example of this. Multiple paragraphs giving an excessively broad-strokes overview of its origins and roughly what the project is, but no real specifics. Nothing to read that captures my interest, nothing that gives me reasons to play it. You can say "you have to check it out for yourself" all you want, but all of this fluff vaguely speaking of the project's technical wizardry and rampant creativity does not capture my interest, which is the opposite of your goal. What was clever about it? What was fun about it? What was so impressive about it? I'm sure there are thousands of things you could potentially bring to a reader's attention. I've had this problem with your writing in the past, Endless. You write a lot of words but often manage to say very little. I remember a write-up of yours about the NRFTL MIDI Pack from a couple years ago. Multiple paragraphs of broad overview, and maybe a couple sentences of actually describing the music. I remember this vividly, due to it being the impetus for having a go at doing a soundtrack write-up myself. You need to start going into details. Start picking out particular standout moments and write about them. Highlights. Lowlights. Peculiarities. Surprises. You don't need to switch to a polar opposite approach and write about every single little thing, but we need something of substance to chew on, something to give the reader a reason to become interested in the subject matter. It seems like you can do this for single maps, but it can be applied to larger projects as well. I apologize if this reads as picking on you in particular, but your writing feels the most prominent within the Wadazine's pages. Additional editing and proofreading would help considerably as well. People in the thread have found a good few typos and errors, and who knows if there are more, but having some people specifically to improve the writing and crack down on errors would be beneficial. If these people are already present, then they could be more thorough in their approach. You clearly care about Doom and all the community has to offer. The more polish and care you're able to put into the Wadazine, the more we'll be able to see that passion. Best of luck on future issues.
  14. AD_79

    [Community Project] VANITY

    You are placing an unnecessary amount of pressure on yourself. I've been there and still regularly deal with thoughts very much like those, so I get it, but in the right state of mind it's not insurmountable. You do not need to make the best maps possible. Simply making something (and ideally being able to enjoy doing so) will suffice! It can always be refined later on if necessary, and you may find that the result of a more relaxed process far exceeds your expectations. If you want to lead a successful project, you'll have to fight those worries of yours. The energy, drive and focus of a project ideally starts at the top! Take some time and start preparing something. You've got this.