fodders Posted April 26, 2002 Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary, System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor, Longing for the warmth of bed sheets, Still I sat there, doing spreadsheets: Having reached the bottom line, I took a floppy from the drawer. Typing with a steady hand, I then invoked the SAVE command And waited for the disk to store, Only this and nothing more. Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wond'ring, fearing, Doubting, while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some more. "Save!" I said, "You cursed PC! Save my data from before!" One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more, Just, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?" Was this some bizarre illusion? Some maniacal intrusion? These were choices undesired, ones I'd never faced before. Carefully, I weighed the choices as the disk made impish noises. The cursor flashed, insistent, waiting, baiting me to type some more. Clearly I must press a key, choosing one and nothing more, From "Choose Abort, Retry, Ignore?" With my fingers pale and trembling Slowly toward the keyboard bending, Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored, Praying for some guarantee Timidly I pressed a key. But on the screen there still persisted words appearing as before. Ghastly grim they blinked and taunted, haunted, as my patience wore, Saying "Abort, Retry, Ignore?" I tried to catch the chips off-guard- I pressed again, but twice as hard. I pleaded with the cursed machine: I begged and cried and then I swore. Now in desperation, trying random combinations, Still there came the incantation, just as senseless as before. Cursor blinking, angrily winking, blinking nonsense as before. Reading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?" There I sat, distraught, exhausted by my own machine accosted Getting up I turned away and paced across the office floor. And then I saw a dreadful sight: a lightning bolt cut through the night. A gasp of horror overtook me, shook me to my core. The lightning zapped my previous data, lost and gone forevermore. And no "Abort, Retry, Ignore?" To this day I do not know The place to which lost data go. What dreaded nether world is wrought where all lost data will be stored? Beyond the reach of mortal souls? Beyond the ether? In black holes? But sure as there is C, Pascal, and Lotus, Ashton-Tate and more, One day you'll be left to wonder, data trying to restore, "Will I see it nevermore?" 0 Share this post Link to post
Sharessa Posted April 26, 2002 Heh...I remember when I got that message when I messed around in DOS as a little kid. It never seemed satisfied with the answer I gave it. 0 Share this post Link to post
IMJack Posted April 26, 2002 To the tune of Camptown Races: File or Directory Not Found, Not Found, File or Directory Not Found Today. Heh, I remember my sister and I trying to get through DOS on our old Tandy. Came up with that thing above after getting a few too many "not found" messages. Anyhoo, to the tune of Beck's "Loser"... In the day of sysop nerds I was a flunkie Jolt in my brains and body feeling chunky With the plastic mouse balls spray paint the Commodore System install with the hard drive on the floor Kill the process and put it in /dev/null Email flaming with the user hitting D-control Shell's called Reno and it's written in C Got a couple of xterms, keys set to repeat Root came sayin' I'm insane to complain About an online wedding and a stain on my screen Don't believe everything that you make(1) You get a cracker from Europe and a login that's fake So write your code in Perl in the dark Saving all your hacks for working at a tech park Yo - punch it So - dumping core I'm a user, baby, so why don't you kill(1) me? (Double dense floppy) So - dumping core I'm a user, baby, so why don't you kill(1) me? Forces of evil in a MUD/MOO nightmare Ban all the members in a phony #chat channel 'cause One's got a handle and the other's got a .plan One online spammed the other and ran With the FTP and the insane print job The daytime crap of the alt.test slob He hung himself with a call to ping Twenty milliseconds and it's spitting out another string RTFM if you can't relate Trade the Sun for a car and the Web for a date And MIME is a nifty hack for mailing to a newbie That's choking on my MPEGs So - dumping core I'm a user, baby, so why don't you kill(1) me? (Get crazy with the caps lock) So - dumping core I'm a user, baby, so why don't you kill(1) me? (Drive-by BIFF post) \... Yo, bring it on down \... I'm a hacker, I'm a winner Program's gonna work, I can feel it So - dumping core I'm a user, baby, so why don't you kill(1) me? (I can't retrieve you) So - dumping core I'm a user, baby, so why don't you kill(1) me? (NULL) So - dumping core I'm a user, baby, so why don't you kill(1) me? (Sprecken sie DOS, eh, baby) So - dumping core I'm a user, baby, so why don't you kill(1) me? (Know what I'm typin'?) 0 Share this post Link to post
Sharessa Posted April 26, 2002 IMJack said:Anyhoo, to the tune of Beck's "Loser"... ROFL...thats the funniest thing I've heard in a while, and I didn't even get 1/3 of it. 0 Share this post Link to post
fodders Posted April 26, 2002 The Edgar Alan Poe :Raven, one fits perfectly :) 0 Share this post Link to post
GooberMan Posted April 26, 2002 hehehe, classic stuff /me copies and pastes to a text file 0 Share this post Link to post
Sharessa Posted April 26, 2002 Did I fail to mention that Loser is like my favorite song? And its not even industrial! 0 Share this post Link to post
Kid Airbag Posted April 26, 2002 Heh, I like Fod's version much better than Poe's =) 0 Share this post Link to post
Lüt Posted April 26, 2002 OK, somebody post "All About The Pentiums". 0 Share this post Link to post
stphrz Posted April 26, 2002 Heh. This has been all over the net for years... http://www.google.ca/search?q=nevermore+abort+retry+ignore&ie=UTF8&oe=UTF8&hl=en&btnG=Google+Search&meta= For other interesting variations on this... 0 Share this post Link to post
fraggle Posted April 26, 2002 Lüt said:OK, somebody post "All About The Pentiums". It's All About The Pentiums It's all about the Pentiums, baby Uhh, uh-huh, yeah Uhh, uh-huh, yeah It's all about the Pentiums, baby It's all about the Pentiums, baby It's all about the Pentiums! It's all about the Pentiums! (Yeah!!) What y'all wanna do? Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers Wastin' time with all the chatroom yakkers? 9 to 5, chillin' at Hewlett Packard? Workin' at a desk with a dumb little placard? Yeah, payin' the bills with my mad programming skills Defraggin' my hard drive for thrills I got me a hundred gigabytes of RAM I never feed trolls and I don't read spam Installed a T1 line in my house Always at my PC, double-clickin' on my mizouse Upgrade my system at least twice a day I'm strictly plug-and-play, I ain't afraid of Y2K I'm down with Bill Gates, I call him Money for short I phone him up at home and I make him do my tech support It's all about the Pentiums, what? You gotta be the dumbest newbie I've ever seen You've got white-out all over your screen You think your Commodore 64 is really neato What kinda chip you got in there, a Dorito? You're usin' a 286? Don't make me laugh Your Windows boots up in what, a day and a half? You could back up your whole hard drive on a floppy diskette You're the biggest joke on the Internet Your database is a disaster You're waxin' your modem, tryin' to make it go faster Hey fella, I bet you're still livin' in your parents' cellar Downloadin' pictures of Sarah Michelle Gellar And postin' "Me too!" like some brain-dead AOL-er I should do the world a favor and cap you like Old Yeller You're just about as useless as jpegs to Helen Keller It's all about the Pentiums! It's all about the Pentiums! It's all about the Pentiums! It's all about the Pentiums! What y'all wanna do? Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers Wastin' time with all the chatroom yakkers? 9 to 5, chillin' at Hewlett Packard? Uh, uh, loggin' in now Wanna run wit my crew, hah? Rule cyberspace and crunch numbers like I do? They call me the king of the spreadsheets Got'em all printed out on my bedsheets My new computer's got the clocks, it rocks But it was obsolete before I opened the box You say you've had your desktop for over a week? Throw that junk away, man, it's an antique! Your laptop is a month old? Well, that's great If you could use a nice, heavy paperweight My digital media is write-protected Every file inspected, no viruses detected I beta tested every operating system Gave props to some, and others? I dissed'em While your computer's crashin', mine's multitaskin' It does all my work without me even askin' Got a flat-screen monitor, 40" wide I believe that yours says, "Etch-A-Sketch" on the side In a 32-bit world, you're a 2-bit user You've got your own newsgroup, alt.total-loser Your motherboard melts when you try to send a fax Where'd you get your CPU, in a box of Cracker Jacks? Play me online? Well, you know that I'll beat you If I ever meet you I'll control-alt-delete you What? It's all about the Pentiums! It's all about the Pentiums! It's all about the Pentiums! It's all about the Pentiums! What y'all wanna do? Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers Wastin' time with all the chatroom yakkers? 9 to 5, chillin' at Hewlett Packard? What? 0 Share this post Link to post
fodders Posted April 26, 2002 Weird Al is cool, he did a vid to that but I can't find a working link :( 0 Share this post Link to post
Lüt Posted April 26, 2002 Heh, I was fortunate enough to catch the vid the one time I turned on MTv last year. Good stuff. 0 Share this post Link to post
pritch Posted April 26, 2002 Oh machine, you are sick. Merry-less peril as I sit here and stare, Data evaporates in fusty air. If I were a bard I'd write you verse, As beautiful as gawky Bill Gate's hearse. A social outcast I will always be; Temerity with false technology. As I now actually have a publisher (whoo-hoo!) this ode to fodders is actually the property of Praxis, along with everything else I write, apparently, which is quite amusing. 0 Share this post Link to post
Sharessa Posted April 26, 2002 Computer Haiku Actual error messages from Japan... A file that big? It might be very useful But now it is gone The Web site you seek Can not be located but Countless more exist Chaos reigns within Reflect, repent, and reboot Order shall return Aborted effort: Close all that you have worked on You ask far too much Windows NT crashed I am the Blue Screen of Death No one hears your screams Yesterday it worked Today it is not working Windows is like that Having been erased The document you're seeking Must now be retyped Serious error All shortcuts have disappeared Screen. Mind. Both blank First snow, then silence This thousand dollar screen dies So beautifully With searching comes loss And the presence of absence: 'My Novel' not found The Tao that is seen Is not the true Tao until You bring fresh toner Stay patient course Of little worth is your ire The netwark is down A crash reduces Your expensive computer To a simple stone Three thing are certain: Death, taxes, and lost data Guess which has occurred You step into the stream But the water has moved on This page is not here Out of memeory We wish to hold the whole sky, But we never will 0 Share this post Link to post
spank Posted April 27, 2002 How many megs of RAM do you have in computer? Technology's gay! Hey, why don't you check out my website at www dot... Technology's gay! I was looking at the Star Trek website and I, um... Technology's gay! Let me fax you my e-mail address... Technology's gay! 0 Share this post Link to post
spank Posted April 27, 2002 Out of memeory Origionaly registered January 2001 0 Share this post Link to post
Kid Airbag Posted April 27, 2002 Lüt said:OK, somebody post "All About The Pentiums". Dammit, fraggle beat me to it. I had been intending to post it when I first saw the Raven parody, but I never got around to finding the lyrics until three minutes ago...bleh. 0 Share this post Link to post
TheHighestTree Posted April 27, 2002 So Fods...Did you make that? It's...really good. 0 Share this post Link to post
fodders Posted April 27, 2002 I rarely "make" anything, lazy fod usually finds what he wants to say has been said somewhere, and I learned cut'n'paste is cool :) 0 Share this post Link to post
doomsick Posted April 28, 2002 Nuno Correia said:How many megs of RAM do you have in computer? Technology's gay! Hey, why don't you check out my website at www dot... Technology's gay! I was looking at the Star Trek website and I, um... Technology's gay! Let me fax you my e-mail address... Technology's gay! ANAL CUNT!!!!!!!!!!111111 hahahahahahahahaha 0 Share this post Link to post
Lüt Posted April 28, 2002 Wheeee, another AC fan! /me sells doomsick's dog to a Chinese restaurant. 0 Share this post Link to post
fraggle Posted April 28, 2002 fodders said:I rarely "make" anything, lazy fod usually finds what he wants to say has been said somewhere, and I learned cut'n'paste is cool :) Really? we never noticed! 0 Share this post Link to post
Scientist Posted April 28, 2002 fodders said:I rarely "make" anything, lazy fod usually finds what he wants to say has been said somewhere, and I learned cut'n'paste is cool :) Wow! that's beautiful, who wrote that? 0 Share this post Link to post
fodders Posted April 28, 2002 Scientist said:Wow! that's beautiful, who wrote that? link 0 Share this post Link to post