AndrewB

"Just so you know... I'm not interested in sex."

So says J, who also happens to be my younger brother's best friend. She is in her first year of university and is staying in a boarding home a few blocks from where I live. She is introverted and maybe even a bit intellectual. She has a very grounded, stable personality, and I would say that she's the complete opposite of a drama queen. For all of these reasons, I find myself very attracted to her. Given that she's been my brother's friend for the past few years, I've only known her very distantly: She would occasionally come over to watch a movie. She went camping with us last year. I barely knew her. Still, feelings had built up for some time.

But as I found out last night, her social life has been far from typical. I already knew that she went to an all-girls school during the years she wasn't home schooled, and that living out in the country (much like me) combined to limit her exposure to friends. She has never had a boyfriend (or girlfriend).

Giving the developing feelings, her comment is troubling. It's mostly troubling because I don't know how to properly interpret it. What is the basis of her position? Any of the following are possible: She's religious. She's choosing celibacy. She doesn't feel she's old enough. She doesn't want any accidents. She just means she's not interested _yet_. She doesn't like me in "that way" (though that theory leaves me at odds with the frenching). She's not entirely heterosexual. It could be any or none of these reasons, and to me, the reason would affect my choice as to whether I'd keep it going or call it quits.

If I find out that her reason is "I'm celibate" or "marriage before sex," or even worse, "sex for reproduction" then I'll tell her that it's definitely not going to work. I have no intention of committing myself to months/years of emotional repression and reservation.