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TheMagicMushroomMan

Suffering from depression

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So I can't even begin to fully understand what you're going through, but many of your posts and topics always brighten my day and get me to analyze different aspects about Doom and such. I always try my best to look on the positive side of things, always try to think of at least one thing that I'm grateful for, and try to snap out of negative circular thoughts as quickly as I can recognize them.

 

This video always snaps me out of a funk, it may or may not help your mood, and I'm sorry if it's in juvenile taste; also it's a bloopers reel that may spoil three other episodes, but it never doesn't make me laugh. At the very least I just want to give you some of my positivity!

Spoiler

 

 

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well man you know, when i first started mapping it was because i was very down and fighting against both anxiety (including panic attacks) and depression. I started a cure after a while (i even stopped mapping after the sixth map of Djinn because i couldn't turn on the editor without having anxiety attacks). It took some time, maybe one year, to find the right medicines to keep me somewhat "stable", but now i can say that im able to live and go on. First of all you should imagine anxiet as an illusory tiger, when you suffer a panick attack it's like having a danger in front of you, thus your defenses will activate as if your body needs to escape from it. The thing that really changes the way you feel is considering this activation as defense, and as such it cannot be negative, it cannot kill you, it in fact represents the opposite, it is protection. When the fear ends then your body will return back to a normal state, please try to view it this way. I don't know how old are you but the fear of loss is something unexplainable and completely subjective, you never get used to it, you can feel it more intense depending on the person and on the moment you are living and on many other factors. I've lost a close friend due to suicide, and i can assure you that, while he gave us all a lesson (because we were living in total nihilism those times) he at the same time created a void which can never be filled again.

 

 

EDIT: also, before doing anything rush play Happy, it will make you happy.

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I'm sorry to hear about this. I lost my grandmother a few years ago, and lost an aunt only a year ago, and despite us not being super close, it was really hard, both for me and my family. The best advice I can give you is to hang in there and be supportive with your family as everyone deals with it. Times like these it's vital to try and remain positive and as a family unit. Family's all that we've really got and it means the world to us. I've also been dealing with some negative and intrusive thoughts lately and I try to get them gone which is equally hard and depressing, but I know they will pass in time if I can just hang on. I wish you and your family the best.

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My grandmothers oxygen is coming back up, they disconnected the oxygen and her saturation is around 95, which is good. Now they just have to make sure it doesn't drop when she walks or moves around. Thank you guys for all the kind words, it means a lot to me.

 

 

 

4 hours ago, Lippeth said:

So I can't even begin to fully understand what you're going through, but many of your posts and topics always brighten my day and get me to analyze different aspects about Doom and such. I always try my best to look on the positive side of things, always try to think of at least one thing that I'm grateful for, and try to snap out of negative circular thoughts as quickly as I can recognize them.

 

This video always snaps me out of a funk, it may or may not help your mood, and I'm sorry if it's in juvenile taste; also it's a bloopers reel that may spoil three other episodes, but it never doesn't make me laugh. At the very least I just want to give you some of my positivity!

  Hide contents

 

 

Thank you so much @Lippeth, that means a lot to me that my posts make you happy. I can't watch the video right now, but I will later :) I always try my hardest to be positive, I'm always grateful for everything I have in life. I was diagnosed with OCD about ten years ago, which I can manage without medication, but it does trigger those circular thoughts. But in a way, I am even grateful for my OCD. My depression, not so much. Even if it defines part of who I am. Thank you for caring, I'm glad you enjoy my posts here.

 

2 hours ago, Nevander said:

I'm sorry to hear about this. I lost my grandmother a few years ago, and lost an aunt only a year ago, and despite us not being super close, it was really hard, both for me and my family. The best advice I can give you is to hang in there and be supportive with your family as everyone deals with it. Times like these it's vital to try and remain positive and as a family unit. Family's all that we've really got and it means the world to us. I've also been dealing with some negative and intrusive thoughts lately and I try to get them gone which is equally hard and depressing, but I know they will pass in time if I can just hang on. I wish you and your family the best.

 

I'm so sorry to hear that @Nevander, I agree with everything you are saying. I have never even met most of my family. I hope you find some positivity soon, I am so sorry you are having these kinds of thoughts as well. Thank you for your wishes, I wish the same to you and your loved ones. I enjoy reading your posts, if that makes you feel any better :)

3 hours ago, Zolgia108 said:

well man you know, when i first started mapping it was because i was very down and fighting against both anxiety (including panic attacks) and depression. I started a cure after a while (i even stopped mapping after the sixth map of Djinn because i couldn't turn on the editor without having anxiety attacks). It took some time, maybe one year, to find the right medicines to keep me somewhat "stable", but now i can say that im able to live and go on. First of all you should imagine anxiet as an illusory tiger, when you suffer a panick attack it's like having a danger in front of you, thus your defenses will activate as if your body needs to escape from it. The thing that really changes the way you feel is considering this activation as defense, and as such it cannot be negative, it cannot kill you, it in fact represents the opposite, it is protection. When the fear ends then your body will return back to a normal state, please try to view it this way. I don't know how old are you but the fear of loss is something unexplainable and completely subjective, you never get used to it, you can feel it more intense depending on the person and on the moment you are living and on many other factors. I've lost a close friend due to suicide, and i can assure you that, while he gave us all a lesson (because we were living in total nihilism those times) he at the same time created a void which can never be filled again.

 

 

EDIT: also, before doing anything rush play Happy, it will make you happy.

Hey buddy, long time no see. It seems like a lot of people start mapping due to personal trouble in their life. It is a good outlet, you are creating a piece of art. I am so sorry for your anxiety and depression. I know the pain of a panic attack. I once was in the hospital for something called seratonin syndrome. It's where your seratonin receptors go haywire, in my case from mixing drugs that aren't supposed to be mixed. I felt like someone was holding a gun to my head for about six months. Every day was mental hell. Constant intense, searing panic and anxiety. You can't sleep, you can't do anything. You can't enjoy life. Panic attacks are something a lot of people claim they've had, but most people don't realize what a true panic attack is like. I am so sorry for the loss of your friend, I've lost some old friends to overdoses, it is hard.

 

Your advice is wonderful and unique. Just like the wad you made. I haven't started Happy yet, but I know it will make me happy. Thank you for taking the time to write this message, it means a lot, and I appreciate it. Oh, and I'm 24, by the way!

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I also have been diagnosed with major depression, and have attempted to suicide several times.

But most of time i don't talk about it, considering people on the internet most likely are just going to assume i'm just trying to get attention or something like that (I know, it sucks...)

Well, just want to let you know that you're not alone. I'm trying my best to keep living, and i hope you could do the same thing along with me :)

 

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Try and hang in there, sometimes it takes a while to get to a better place, hopefully not too long for you.  You've done the best thing and shared how you feel, which is really hard to do imo. I've suffered from depression from 10'ish and now in my 40's I've just about got a grip on it. Never give up, and you're never ever alone. 

 

 

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I used to be depressed throughout middle school because I was always bullied, so I completely understand how you feel. Life sucks sometimes, but the best thing is to be positive, no matter what. I hope your grandma makes a speedy recovery and that you may feel better, we all need it in 2020 :) 

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I hope your grandmother continues to recover.


Depression is a nasty, nasty bitch. If anyone ever tells you to just get over it or anything along those lines, tell them to fuck off and when they get there keep going.

 

You really should be talking to either a professional or at minimum someone who has been through it too. But each case is so unique and each person is unique so a professional is probably the better choice. You should search the Internet to see what options are available in your area. If you cannot find help or it is not affordable then the only advice I can give is to try and find things you can be positive about. Focus on family, friends, creative pursuits. Do you listen to a lot of angry and/or depressing music? Change that. Listen to something happy. Maybe there is a charity of some kind in your area you could volunteer to help out. Try to change your way of thinking as fucking hard as that is because if there is one thing that is true about humans is we are creatures of habit. You have to actively fight negativity or it will keep getting you. Bad things have happened, and bad things will come again. Young, old, rich, poor, does not matter - we will all face unimaginable pain at some point in our lives. It is part of the price of living. It is up to us to make the good things happen, have good memories and good experiences, so that when the pain comes you are strong enough to not let it destroy you.

 

Words are but wind if they fall on ears unwilling to listen, whether they come from a trained professional or some random person on the Internet. They can help, but ultimately you have to make the choice to listen and take action. There mere fact that you made this post makes me think you do want to be better. So that is a pretty good start.

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Thank you for the kind words, wishes, and advice everyone! I promise I will reply to you all individually when I have the time. My grandmother is doing much better now, her oxygen is back up to normal. I feel much better now!

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Really, really glad she’s doing alright man!

 

I have bipolar disorder (basically periods of days or weeks of feeling over the moon followed by periods of days or weeks of wanting to do nothing other than leveling up my shotgun deep throating skills) so completely understand how you feel man.

 

Definitely as @Murdoch said, make sure to have a chat to a professional if you haven’t already :-) It’s really not something to be scared of / ashamed of at all!!! A lot of amazing people have mental health issues so I like to think of it as kinda like being a part of some cool exclusive club :-P Also going to a professional doesn’t always mean they will instantly load you up with soul destroying pills or anything :-) You even tell the specificity that you want to try everything without meds if your worried about that :-)

 

For getting through it, just remember it always passes. It might feel like you’ve been down there for an eternity with no light at the other end in the moment but it will always pass and just think out the people who care about you as you push through :-) For example, thinking of my folks when I’m really down often levels me out just a little as I never, ever want to hurt them and thinking about the effect me not being there would have on them usually “sobers” me up a bit and helps me push through.

 

I also like to try and do good things when I’m really down. I don’t believe in a god or karma or anything but I always find myself feeling just a little better if I can do something to make someone else smile :-) Doesn’t have to be much, could be just things like giving someone a chocolate when you know they are having a bad day or telling a stupid joke that makes people laugh. 

 

Hope this hasn’t come across too dark and is somewhat helpful and more than anything I really, really hope you find something that works for you man :-D

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On 10/10/2020 at 11:12 AM, TheMagicMushroomMan said:

Last night my grandmother was admitted to the hospital for COPD flare up. Her oxygen saturation was in the low 80's and 70's (normal o2 is 92-99). She has a lung infection and when she walks her o2 drops. Normally her o2 is around 95-97.


I'm having a lot of depression and anxiety, I don't understand if her o2 will go back to normal after the infection is gone. I don't really have anyone to talk to, I'm a hermit. This website makes me feel like I'm part of a community. I enjoy talking to everyone here. I'm posting this on Doomworld because I feel like the people here are kind, makes me feel like I'm being heard. This place makes me feel like I'm mot alone.


I've been depressed since I was in the fifth grade, I remember having thoughts of suicide even when I was a child. I never really had any friends, even though people seemed to like me. When things like this happen, it triggers my depression. I'm not in a stable state of mind right now, I'm posting this here because I don't know who to talk to. I just want everything to be okay.

Sucks to hear, glad to hear your grandmother is doing better though.

 

I've had depression for much of my life since I was a teenager too (I'm 35 now), along with years of hermitude in my teens and early twenties. It's fucking hard and frustrating and self-diminishing that such simple, objectively easy things can become so difficult to deal with. And tough for normal people to relate to as well. It's a human trait in my experience to take for granted the positives (they're down to me) and push away the negatives (they're down to others or chance), which results in well-functioning people tending to dispense a lot of dogshit advice such as why don't you just do what I do or pull yourself together. Exercise makes me feel great, just go for a run! Or the fantastic question, why are you down? To which the weary reply: if there was a reason it wouldn't be depression would it?  Sadness is normal in relation to bad events.

 

This lack of recognition that people do not have the same starting points can really feed into loneliness and make it harder to connect. But it's important to. I relate a lot to DooM Bear's thing about the uplifting potential of small connections. Even small steps like trying to share a couple of words with someone at a supermarket till can sometimes roll back the sense of bleakness.

 

One suggestion, not that you really asked for suggestions -- I didn't find this transformative, but it changed my thinking about a few things, and forcing myself into some of the exercises did actually help despite them being hard to stick to:  https://www.coursera.org/learn/the-science-of-well-being

 

As Murdoch said, get some help if you can. It's one life, one youth. You've been dealt some hard cards but some portion of them will be within your power to change.

 

Anyway man, hope your upward swing continues for a bit and you stick around here. I enjoy your posts -- your combination of humour and kindness instead of the usual 'net snark when responding to the indefatigable and relentless paja and his rescue of earth really stuck out to me.

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Step 1 is professional help. In the states, this is extremely life altering-ly difficult. Last winter I took someone to the ER 13 times (panic/depression/suicide attempts) before the hospital connected them with a regularly scheduled therapist, who then connected them to a regularly scheduled nurse for a prescription (drugs help, but be prepared for them to take 3 months to even begin working). Primary care doctor always shrugged responsibility to the hospital in regards to seeking help or connecting to mental health specialists, and trying to get a hold of private mental health businesses has a massive wait (I placed ~2 dozen calls to various private orgs in Dec/Jan and didnt even START to get calls back until Jul/Aug/Sep, thankfully didnt need them as things have mostly stabilized in the meantime).

 

Hospital policy is generally to stabilize the person with 1-2 doses of something, and send them on their way within the day with no followup scheduled, no prescription. One time I got the phone call to pick this person up, and found them wandering outside in the snow with just the pajamas they came in with and a piece of paper printed in the hospital with phone numbers to the various private facilities I had been trying to get them scheduled to. Anyway the lesson is not to be discouraged, but understand you MUST MAKE YOURSELF A PROBLEM THAT REQUIRES SOLVING, so be persistent in parking your ass in the hospital/ambulance - eventually your case will get flagged as needing special attention, and pieces of the healthcare machine will start to move in your favor.

 

Step 2 is self help, dont even bother with this until you've completed step 1 imo and have at least got some kind of therapist/councillor/social worker/nurse who makes regular contact with you to determine your progress. "Self help" is vague because it's a million different things that are different depending on the person, but essentially they all boil down to: distraction/diversion of energy. Once you're stable enough to function as a human with therapy/prescription, diversion of energy is the long term way out of these conditions. Most important is physical activity, especially because some of these mental conditions are physical chemical/hormone imbalances, and labor/exercise is the greatest cleanser of all toxins.

 

Of course meditation/mindfulness works for people too, hobbies (e.g. doom) are a major one that springs to mind. A lot of intelligent people to suffer from depression/anxiety/panic, seems to have to do with how they brood and worry about the future and other things they cant control. Dont view it as a weakness of character, as that only leads to the destruction of self image / confidence, instead view it as a side-effect of being an intense thinker. Personal achievement is the ultimate confidence builder, and will directly affect your mental state for the better - e.g. a difficult job that nobody thought you could do (hard labor, military, difficult certification test, and so on).

 

But yeah I can't stress enough to NOT start on step 2, despite it being tempting because it's the step within one's own control. Harass your doctor/hospital/local EMT's first, and ignore the thing in your head that says "but my emergency isn't as important, I dont want to waste people's time". That thought is pure nonsense; dredged up from the dark place, the core of unreasonable self-doubt.

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I Can't really give me a profesional opinion, but im pretty sure for how im living rigth now. I'm am in a state of depresion.

My opinion it's to know that you can have a place to try to let the anxiety go out, and try to going little by little, any kind of achivement in that kinda of state, gladly helps, and really learn that some stuff can't be in control.

Really can't share more tips, as this it's the only one that's working for me, but im sure you are in process to healh yourself, as acceptance it's the first steps.

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It will be okay.. Just be strong bro.. But if you have really serious troubles don't be shy to ask help or even use some medicine to acomplish it. Prednisolone is quite useful for depression as I know. Here is the source onlinevgraaustralia.net wich you can choose in a case you find it interesting. Anyway I wish you all the best and fast recovery from this "desease"

Edited by mariopepper

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