Describe a Movie/Series You've Never Watched

[TheMagicMushroomMan]

As the title says - describe/review a movie or series that you've never watched, as though you just finished watching it five minutes ago. Describing the plot of a game you've never played is also fine, but don't get into gameplay details and stuff too much.

Examples:

Star Wars Episode IV

A lone astronaut lands on mars after his escape pod is hacked by a crewmate having an affair with the astronaut's girlfriend. When he comes across a small martian lifeform, he is led into an alien bunker at the center of the red planet. There, he is able to hijack a ship, taking 200 martian hostages onboard. The astronaut and the martians set up a military base on one of Saturn's rings, and he sets out to take revenge and win back the love of his life. Easier said than done, considering that Saturn is home to a species so deadly that the planet was abandoned 88,000 years ago.

Dragon Ball Z

A mutant hero called Super Saiyan battles humans who live underground, both groups fighting over a dragon egg that will give them the power of immortality. Halfway through the series, Saiyan meets a short fat man who trains him in martial arts, making him unstoppable. His last remaining nemesis, a green rapper named Brolee who lives on top of the world's highest mountain, raises an army to defeat the hero, but his plot is foiled when Saiyan finds a second dragon egg. Saiyan flies the dragon to Brolee's mountain and kills him before turning into a dragon himself. The post-credits scene shows Super Saiyan laying an egg. A very believable and realistic series.

 

Spoiler

Full disclosure - I have seen SW, never watched DBZ

 

[Lippeth]

Game of Thrones is an adaptation of a book series of the same name. The goal of the titular game is to see how long you can sit on a throne adorned with sharp weapons without bleeding to death. An alternate title for the series was "You Bleed, You Lose". Every contestant on the show ended up dying which I loved, until one of them didn't die and killed everyone else, which I hated.

 

Marvel's The Avenger's End Game is another game show where the first person to snap the correct rhythm of the beat is the winner, and the loser is cremated alive. The host of the show is Grimace because it's sponsored by McDonalds, home of the Big Mac. Drink Coca-Cola.

 

[Osmosis Bones]

Leon: The Professional (1994)

 

After the apocalyptic events that unfolded at Racoon City, former R.P.D officer Leon Kennedy is assigned to rescue the president's daughter from the clutches of an evil cult located in Spain.

[Captain red pants]

Andrei Tarkovsky's STALKER (1979)

Set in the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone after a second disaster, The Protagonist, known only as Marked One owning to the word STALKER being tattoo on his arm, wakes up after being thrown from a 'Death truck' and taken to the local trader known as Sidorovich. Marked One, with no memories, and a PDA with only one instruction: 'Kill Strelok' is given several tasks by Sidorovich for 'saving his life' and sets off to find Strelok, and hopefully, answers.

[TheMagicMushroomMan]

9 minutes ago, Captain red pants said:

Andrei Tarkovsky's STALKER (1979)

Sounds pretty interesting! I've never seen any of Tarkovsky's movies, but I did read his book "War and Peace". I thought it was pretty predictable, and many of the characters made dumb decisions, but I guess that's to be expected when you're dealing with zombie stories.

[Stupid Bunny]

Breaking Bad is a series about a bald man who struggles to overcome his baldness, he does this by wearing a cool hat and hanging out in the sun which he believes will induce his hair to grow back.  It is very dry, too, which he also thinks is good for hair.  He's a teacher, but nobody ever comes to class because they hate having to bring their books all the way out to have fourth period in the middle of the desert and their other teachers keep getting mad because they get to fifth period late and sunburned and covered in sagebrush and ants and dust and such.  Our bald protagonist doesn't think about this, though, because he's too busy trying to invent the ultimate hair growth medicine in the trailer where he lives when he isn't sitting in the desert waiting for the sun and cool hat to give him long luscious locks.  His hair medicine is really popular, people can't get enough of it but the MAN and also his jealous neighbors keep busting in to try to shut him down.  Fortunately, whenever they do this he simply gives a wink and says, "How would you like a magic hair helmet" and hands them one of his massive collection of hats.

 

Spoiler

Mr. Bad which is the protagonist's name dies at the end of the series when all his hair treatments finally work and the entire southwest is smothered under his explosively growing beautiful curly blond hair

 

[rzh]

Lord of the Rings

 

A group of assorted hobos living in an unnamed city in Yorkshire, UK somehow gets stranded on the other side of town, after a night of alcohol and drug abuse.

They find themselves with no money, but somehow ended up in the possession of a ring, which they want to pawn in order to get more booze, cigarettes and crack.

They also need to find their way back to their neighbourhood, as the one they're currently in is full of foreigners (and the group is definitely not racist, but they just don't like them, because they don't speak the language).

 

The group is diverse, consisting of:

• two teenage pothead pickpockets and their beggar little brothers from different fathers
• a middle-aged alcoholic domestic abuser with anger issues that used to be really into metal like 10 years ago
• a mentally stunted, vertically challenged, Scottish midget whose cognitive functions were permanently disabled after snorting the dust off of a car battery
• some random college student that drank too much during a pub crawl, got separated from his mates and somehow ended up hanging with this group (they tolerate him because they think he's got money that they could leech off him)
• a schizophrenic who believes he's immortal after he got really into spirituality (his interpretation of Buddhism) during a DMT & salvia session, believes he's connected to the nature on some primordial level
• the dirtiest, crummiest sewer dweller, some crusty old fart calling himself Gandalf "The Rasta Wizard" (the biggest plot twist in the movie is that at one point he takes a fully-clothed shower, revealing that his clothes were white all along) who only speaks in a mock Jamaican accent despite being fully Caucasian

During their adventures, the group frequently runs into Iraqi migrants (being British, they call them Uruhkai or something - sidenote: and again, not racist, but they think all foreigners are ugly and "out to get them", they grew up during the Thatcher era, it's a generational thing) and several constables that attempt to arrest them for breaking the law by presumably stealing the ring from it's rightful owner, inciting inter-ethnic violence, disturbing the public peace and attempting to board public transport without paying the fare.

[spineapple tea]

2001 A Space Odyssey:

 

There were these monkeys on Earth worshipping this monolith (we all know that part, right?) when it suddenly opens up. A super-duper-awesome beam of light emerges and points to one of the monkeys. Cut to the distant year of 2001. A ship orbits Mars as a quirky group of scientists sit around a table eating breakfast when suddenly, a monkey bursts out of one of the men's chest. Everyone rightfully freaks out being that there is a monkey on board and someone rushes to a button on the side of the room. As soon as it's pushed, a robotic limb descends from the ceiling at conerningly high speeds and introduces itself as HAL9000. Hal sings this song about bicycles or something and it opens a can of monkey-whoop-ass in the form of a flamethrower, practically vaporizing the poor primate. The credits roll and after like ten minutes there was a post-credit scene of Stanley Kubrick admitting to faking the moon landing saying that this film was some of the test footage for it.

 

Edit: and if you were wondering, 2010 is just the same movie but in 2010. Pretty lazy if you ask me.

Edited September 13, 2022 by Spineapple tea

[Murdoch]

The Sopranos

A bunch of criminal douchebags do crimey things and bitch about how no one respects them.

[Gez]

I'm pretty sure The Sopranos are about singers.

 

 

Anyways: Halo

 

Originally created as a genetic engineering project of the Bene Gesserit to create a perfect supersoldier, John 117 leaves the Starfleet military and the sordid politicking of the Galactic Senate behind to pursue a quest guided by the three principle of Truth, Love, and Courage to the embodiment of the Eight Virtues: Honesty, Compassion, Valor, Justice, Sacrifice, Honor, Spirituality, and Humility. If he succeeds, his guardian spirit, Cortana, will become an angel and receive the mark of this ascension: a Halo.

[rzh]

54 minutes ago, Murdoch said:

The Sopranos

A bunch of criminal douchebags do crimey things and bitch about how no one respects them.

Describe a Movie/Series You've Never Watched

[mrthejoshmon]

Game of Thrones is probably the longest and most anticlimactic game of chess I have ever seen and has some of the most bizarre rules I have ever heard of.

[pcorf]

I have not watched the Doom movies. I prefer the games.

[Gez]

Game of Thrones is Les Rois Maudits but set in Skyrim. (Actual true fact, acknowledged by the author.)

[Mr. Freeze]

House of The Dragon: It's GoT again! Are you excited to be let down at the end again? I'm not! Featuring more rape! More sex! Less plot! More idiot slobbering fans! It's a rollercoaster into a grave! 

[Solmyr]

John Wick.

 

A movie set in 1922 about the life and times of an elderly farmer atoning for his dark past as a former mass murderer in his younger days in 1861 Kansas.

[Tactical Burger (Old acc)]

Breaking bad

a superhero series about breaking the bad

[Captain red pants]

Gorge Orwell's 1984:

 

A grim 'What if' scenario where a few people announce they are offended at a comedian's offensive joke.

[Gez]

Total Recall

 

The struggle of an elderly woman fighting against Alzheimer's, and volunteering for an experimental drug that promises "total recall" because her worst fear is losing her memories of her children. However, side-effects introduces a series of hallucination and she cannot tell what is real from what is a nightmare... It turns into a supernatural thriller in the last 15 minutes, a plot twist that has left the audience deeply divided between those that found that it cheapened the real and relatable themes, and those that found it a brilliantly-executed rug-pull.

[Doom_Dude]

Titanic: A giant mech made in Japan goes out of control and disappears in the ocean. The mech walks to America along the floor of the ocean, accidentally sinks the USS Arizona making the Americans think the mech is part of an alien invasion. The Americans freeze a mass of water in space called a space-berg which they drop on the mech , destroying it and causing worldwide destruction with tsunamis and earthquakes. The Japanese aren't sure if the mech hit an iceberg or was destroyed by a submarine. The end.

[MrFroz]

Kill Bill: Volume 1

 

An epic adventure about an anti-corporate activist gone mad that's searching for and trying to kill Bill Gates.

 

Kill Bill: Volume 2

 

A documentary investigating the circumstances surrounding comedian Bill Hicks' death and whether the ATF had something to do with it or not.

[Nikku4211]

BNA

 

A local scientist discoveres an organism that has BNA instead of DNA. He tries to publish his work but the secret society known as Netflix tries to capture him and put him into Netflix jail.

[MFG38]

Game of Thrones

 

A suspicious amount of sex and death occurs.

[Arrowhead]

Dr. Who:

 

A mystery game show in which contestants try to accurately guess which doctor botched a certain surgery.

[dasho]

The Walking Dead: A bunch of LARPers continually refuse to learn from their mistakes.

[MrFroz]

3 hours ago, Doom_Dude said:

Titanic: A giant mech made in Japan goes out of control and disappears in the ocean. The mech walks to America along the floor of the ocean, accidentally sinks the USS Arizona making the Americans think the mech is part of an alien invasion. The Americans freeze a mass of water in space called a space-berg which they drop on the mech , destroying it and causing worldwide destruction with tsunamis and earthquakes. The Japanese aren't sure if the mech hit an iceberg or was destroyed by a submarine. The end.

 

This is probably better than the actual movie itself.

 

13 minutes ago, dasho said:

The Walking Dead: A bunch of LARPers continually refuse to learn from their mistakes.

 

Sounds like the people running the shows (including the Fear spin-off) nowadays.

[Murdoch]

6 hours ago, Gez said:

I'm pretty sure The Sopranos are about singers.

 

I would have found that more entertaining than the real thing. It would have been dull but at least i would not have been getting frustrated saying "so when do the cops show up and shoot these assholes?" before the end of the first episode. 

 

Well... maybe if they were really bad sopranos...

[vyruss]

House of Cards:

 

A boring afternoon is whiled away with a cheap, boring parlor trick which is suddenly disrupted by the opening of a patio door.  The end.

[Redneckerz]

The Matrix:

A washed up computer kid discovers the inner contents of his machine through 3 entertaining and 1 disappointing sequel.

 

Interstellar:

One astronaut finds out that flying into the unknown can be unpredictable.

 

Into the Wild:

The protagonist takes parent issues to the extreme as he takes a gamble at nature.

[Solmyr]

Parasite.

 

A movie about a moderately sucessful Korean novelist in his late 30's, who decided to isolate himself out of fear from a society that shuns him for his many strange quirks and nervous ticks. Unbeknownst to him, his issues are the result of a mutant strain of mold that settled on his brain several years ago, as his brain is slowly eaten by the mold, neurons get replaced by specialized fungal filaments that recreate neural pathways and similar behaviour. It's victim starts to slowly become aware of a foreign presence in his mind, slowly eating out what's left of his sanity, soul, and ultimately his life. As the parasite mind awakens inside, it too will grow to fear eating away it's newfound sapiency.