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People tell me that I'm funny. I disbelieve them, but whatever. People tell me I should do standup, which I've done for 40 minutes. I stood up there and told them life stories... mostly about dates. My friends told me to go up for open mic night and I drew a blank, couldn't say anything funny so my friends would yell out... tell them about this story. Tell them about that story. I'm surprised I lasted 40 minutes.

Friends have told me that I need to just start writing a skit show or a book full of life stories.

We all have life stories... its just that my memory won't ever let me forget them. So everything is nice and fresh.

So I started complaining to my cousin about how I feel like everyone says that I'm funny out of politeness, because I've met 4 people in the past month at parties and bars and I always hear... you're so funny. I hear it too often to consider it a compliment.

Then my cousin reminded me how 2 years ago there was a man at a party, our other cousin's neighbor who just so happens to write musicals. I talked with him in a group of people and just told stories. Mostly stories about women. Apparently I entertained them all, because they're all married and can't get away with saying what I do.

Anyway, the dude enjoyed it so much that he wrote me at my cousin's house thinking that I lived there with them. It was a brief letter of intent that with my permission, he'd like to turn some of my life stories into a musical. I gave him a call and he's actually famous (members of his family are more famous). It was quite surprising.

That was the last I heard from him. Maybe he realized I'm not funny or maybe he made the play or maybe he died... the man did have white hair.

So my cousin wants me to find the letter or the number and find out what ever happened to that play. I'm very curious as well.

The Warrior Dash is a 3 mile army grade obsticle course through mud. There's fire, wooden walls, mud, cargo nets and running through farm fields. Because its a franchise, all $60 you pay goes to them... and not charity. It goes on tour from state to state. Chances are you've heard of it.

The Warrior Dash in some states combat the heat... which I trained for 4 months through the blazing summer, running 3 miles everyday in jeans and 90 degree days so I'd be ready... However, yesterday's Warrior Dash was cold and in the rain. The rain made it awesomer and I was hoping for rain. They even iced down the final mud pool. There were ice cubes floating in it.

Even though I trained for 4 months and made my own backyard obsticle course, I still wasn't ready for the Warrior Dash. I ran it with my army cousin who just ran over everything.

I saw one man puke on the course. He couldn't have been the only one I'm sure. Especially when there's a bunch of guys running together... no one wants to slow down. There were old men and women. Men in drag, women in costume, people with fake axes, white people in Indian war paint.

I made sure to get covered in mud with the last obsticle which was the icy mud pool going under barbedwire. Some people crawled others walked and ducked when they had to. I fucking swam.

Afterward, everyone went to the nearby firetrucks and got hosed off in freezing water. The cold was a lot more noticable, because bodyheat cooled off from running the dash.

Even though I was hosed off, it didn't do much for the mud on my clothes. The hoses did blast clean my shoes though, which were added to the giant pile of shoes near the music stage. The pile was quite a heap and is said to be going to foriegn countries that can't afford shoes. With 6,000 runners on Saturday and 4,500 on Sunday, hopefully they got 10,500 pairs of shoes in that pile.

A muddy fun time was had by all.

This is a story 5 years in the making. My friend has dated this woman for probably 4 out of those 5 years. He originally started dating her. He found her online. I heard about her for 3 months before I met her. She's 8 years older than him.

Then when I met her she seemed familiar. After 2 or 3 more weeks I finally figured it out. He and I had her as a teacher when we were Freshmen in HS (10 years ago). I told him, he said no way they have different names and they look different. She had a different lats name back then because she was Mrs. and when she got divorced she went back to her maiden name and we never knew her first name in HS. She went from a perm and short dark hair to having it long and blonde... she also lost 50-60 lbs and moved elsewhere and got a job in nursing.

While she did that, my friend went off to the military, shaved his head, got tattoos and got muscle and shaved his beard.

The twist to this as I reminded my friend, she hated him in HS. He was a jackass and in trouble constantly, barely showed up to school, got arrested, harassed the teachers especially her. I was having fun laughing about it.

My friend freaked out about it and said he was gonna pre-emptively dump her! Because she'll figure it out and dump him anyway. So he dodged her phone calls for a week or two.

That's when she realized who he was too. She didn't remember him, because he had changed so much... but she remembered me and went back through yearbooks until she found me then that jogged her memory. She remembered every horrible thing he did and how the cops came to school one day to pick him up in class (not hers) and how she really hated him for the semester 10 years earlier.

So they broke up... for 6 months. Then got back together. Cuz apparently love conquers hate. Now fast forward from that 4 years ago to last night. He proposed to her on her birthday. Lovely.

I think that I'm the only one who realizes this. I want to tell people, but I probably shouldn't. So instead, I'm telling the Doomunity.

So 6 weeks ago I had my first date in probably 7 months. I posted a blog about my 2010 where I had dates with 24 women. The date went good as 2 people who aren't into each other can go. In the end she told me she felt like I was best friend material. Then she told me I'd be perfect for her friend.

Well that was 6 weeks ago... haven't seen or spoken to her again. At 9 pm on a Saturday she sent me a text... Hey its X. how r u? i have a friend who would be perfect for you, I really want you two to be happy.

I'm surprised she'd still have my number, but maybe after 6 weeks this means this friend of hers is now single. It just seems really weird. I wrote her back saying no thanks. I'm good.

People make me dig into things. Because I have connections and I find things out. Someone had a problem. One of my cousin's female friends was having problems with a guy she just dumped. She was stuck on it.

She said he was acting weird because he got fired from his job... and then his job called him back in to discuss a court case associated with his firing.

Then she said he got a new job working at a bar (I might get sued if I say the name of the bar). Anyway, it got weird and she felt he was lying so she dumped him. Kudos to her.

As it turns out I know someone that works where he worked before getting fired. So I asked about it. he was fired for sexual harassment. Makes sense. Being fired for sexual harassment and being called back for a court case.

But then this bar he now works at... It has been on Girls Gone Wild and its one of the wildest bars. Its also a bar notorious for rapes because of its "out in the middle of no where" location. I'd be more specific, but then that might tip off which bar.

So I was thinking its really bad that a bar has a reputation for rape and they have a sexual harasser working there. If its a court case that's pending he's not a criminal sex offender just yet... So legally he's good unless there's something else I don't know about.

I just found it interesting. Maybe this happens all the time, because they're bars and they don't do criminal background checks.

My mom owns houses. A few of them. One particular house has had tenants for a decade and I've personally slept there several times. Well there is a tenant who has been there for 4 months now. Suddenly she's wondering if its haunted and saying experiences.

My mother is very adamant that ghosts never exist and never will and yada yada.

Anyway, my mom tells her that there's no way the house is haunted. Nothing has ever happened there for it to be haunted. It wasn't built on a graveyard.

So then the woman says oh it must be me. Ghosts follow me from house to house since I was a kid. That made me think wtf? First you question if its haunted when you know that you're the problem.

Its like saying... uh I think you gave me herpes but I've had it years before I met you.

Ding bat. Coincidentally I just saw Insidious last night.

Yesterday I got my 2nd ever tick bite. I've found plenty on me, but I've only been bit 2 x. This one was on my waistline. I pulled at him, but didn't pull him off, yep he was stuck. I didn't realize it then, but he wasn't clinging like living ones do.

So I put toothpaste on him and waited 15 minutes for him to pull out. He didn't pull out, he didn't struggle or move. After that, I cleaned the toothpaste off and in another 10 minutes I pulled him off. My LPN cousin said that he should just pull right off if he's dead.

Nope. My skin stretched and eventually I pulled him off. His head was red, he had flesh caught in his mouth, proving that I had the entire head :-) There was no blood spot on me like the last tick bite I had.

I put him on a magnifying glass where he sat dead for 15 minutes. Didn't move, I poked him. Didn't move, no reflexes. I put him in a pill bottle in the freezer just incase I get a red ring.

Then I realized it was literally half my life ago that I got my last tick bite. Not just that, but it was to the day... July 3rd. I remember, because I still have a bite scar that is a red dot to this day.

People like to say ticks crawl on you for 24 hours before they bite. I really don't think that's true. This one was on me for maybe 2 hours unless I picked him up in the house, which doesn't seem likely.

The bigger mystery is how could he bed dead? Maybe 2 hours of sweating outside push mowing my lawn drown him. Maybe my blood is poisonous. Maybe he drown in my shower. But I hear that water just passex over them and can't get into the head hole area, but air can. Maybe since he was in my waist line of my jeans I beat him up, but then ticks just cling so the chaffing of jeans shouldn't hurt him.

Ug. Here's another story that ya'all will roll your eyes at. I've got an ex, who even though we don't really see each other and don't talk anymore, she invites me to important events in her life. When her grandpa died, she invited me, heck she invited me 2 months before he died.

Now at 1 am, she called me up to tell me her boyfriend proposed and she said yes. Maybe she called me because she thought I'd be awake or I was the person that would tollerate a late call the most. Then she asked me to be her bride's maid. I told her she was joking and she said she's serious. She wants me as a bridesman. Then I pointed out that her bff should be her bridesmaid.

This ex is a girl with an overabundance of friends. Its just weird that after not talking to me really since her gpa's funeral, she'd as me. Of course it could be a joke once I say yes no matter how many times she asks.

Everyone is changing within the past 3 months everyone is changing. One of my friends is pregnant after her hating the thought of having a kid, several other couples are suddenly pregnant too, my boss is getting a divorce, one of my friends won the lotto... the big one.

Its strange.

Howdy there. I'm the narrator. This story doesn't involve me at all. So through my cousin, I have 2 aquaintances that are hot sisters in their 20s. They used to live together.

One night, the older sister gets arrested for something. No one knows what, but I had a feeling I know what it is. A month goes by, with no one hearing anything from either one.

The younger sister calls up my cousin and they hang out. Turns out the older sister beat the younger one with a bathroom scale. The cops had to break in and break it up.

I had a feeling the older one was busted for attacking the younger one. If you knew them, you'd think so too, but since they're hot, people tend to be blind about reality. The younger sister causes extreme drama a lot.

So now for a day my cousin starts thinking the older one is a psycho for beating her sister with a scale.

Here's a sidestory that will dovetail into the other. My cousin has been dating this guy for 3 months... She hearts him. Well one day into the younger sister resurfacing into all of our lives, the girl wants to go hang out again with my cousin and her bf. So that's what they do.

My cousin fell asleep at like 2 am with her bf and that girl there. Then my cousin wakes up at 3 am to the sound of the younger sister and the bf having sex in another room.

I can only assume that something similar happened with her older sister to make her beat her sister with a scale.

Everyone is flawed, at least that's what I keep telling myself.

To make a long story short, in the past 3 months, my flaws have been pointed out to me rather frequently. I suppose that I should be happy about it, because now I can work on them.

Several were pointed out to me today and it made me feel like life's punching bag. Like I'll one day use all of this to become a super villain. The last flaw that my friend pointed out is that she can ask a question and I can give a non answer, flip flop on the subject and finally give her an answer 90 minutes later. Unfortunately, that's no exaduration.

Earlier today for a meeting, a client of mine had taken a week to review a project that I worked on for 50+ hours a week since a week before Christmas. I felt like they were nitpicking or like I had to defend my choices on the piece of software like I was on trial.

The client's secretary came in and they asked her, then they called in more employees from the company and asked them. 7 people were asked, and I felt like they weren't rating the software, they were rating the presentation of it or lack thereof... when its still 4 months away from being done. Some of them would end their comments with little jabs that had nothing to do with the project.

Anyway, apparently in defending my software, they established that I don't like criticism and I'm very passive aggressive. That seemed to be the phrase they loved to use. One of them made a joke they'd have to ask my opinion, because they feared saying something I didn't agree with. Perhaps if I was less passive aggressive and more direct, I would have told them all off and lost a client and a 6 month job.

Then I remember back to my jerk of a boss doing the kiosk software. He'd nitpick things. Then I remembered how I'd always feel like I was on trial and he felt like I was doing a mistake on purpose like "Why did you feel the color should be light grey when I said dark grey." And it would be a mistake and not my calculated descision. Each time I'd stand up to him or show any bit of confidence, I'd get squashed like a bug.

Maybe I'm trying to make myself the victim here and that's another flaw of mine.

I skirt issues, I don't like criticism and I'm passive aggressive. I think that the army would call me a flanker. Is that such a bad thing? Maybe this flank thing is why I don't commit to things and why I'm 30 and haven't been close to marriage or kids... or having a pet.

So now that I know about my flaws. Can I change them or is it just, people are who people are and I need to find friends that are immune to it. Or, should I be going to therapy?

I do work for a guy. He's independently wealthy and made a lot of money playing the stocks. 9 years ago we started a company, which branched into a second, and a side project became a third. Then a giant national company came to us and we had to start a forth just incase we messed up big time and had to cut the company loose if we angered the client. Each company employes a lot of people, especially the fifth.

Anyway, today my manager just blurted out that he's in the middle of a divorce and his wife would be getting 50% of all companies. He even spent a year trying to tank the first two companies to lower his income so he'd have to pay less money to her. But now his lawyer said, she'd get 50% of his share of all future company earnings. She'd own 25% of the company.

The first three companies badly need that 25% being put back into them to stay alive!

As he was explaining all of this, he came up with an idea. Give me all of the companies. Sign them over to me and postpone the divorce 6 months, because his state's law says if he gave it away today and got divorced tomorrow, that wouldn't count. Gotta wait 6 months.

So I get 5 companies, because he trusts me and I'm already 2nd in command already and I do the majority of the work anyway. Its just that I don't have people skills or degrees that he does.

Now I get to fly and sign some documents saying he gives me the companies. Well for tax reasons he can't give them to me, I need to buy them for $1. The plan is that in 2012 I give him back his percentage of the company. I plan on bringing a business lawyer to make sure the companies aren't getting sued or anything.

Kinda reminds me of how the Hogans divorced at the threat of being sued by the kid their son crippled by drag racing.

This story is somewhat old, but my friend works for a medical company that fact checks instruction manuals. She found an error in a manual for a client, so she informed the graphic design company that works for the client. One line of text needed to be changed in 1 manual with 40 different languages. They literally needed to copy and paste the text. The client was paying the graphic design company extra to drop what they're doing and work on this project IMMEDIATELY.

How long should that take?

3 weeks went by. The company was 2 weeks past the deadline and she got fed up with it and wanted to do it herself, but didn't have the program. I have the program to update edit the manual. So she went to her company and said I could do it in 2 hours at the most.

Her company came back to me and asked if I had 3 forms of insurance. Two forms of insurance were to make sure that I didn't leak the manual. The last form of insurance was Business Auto Insurance... yet I didn't even have to drive to do this job.

Her company nor their client wouldn't allow me to work on the manual without the insurance. Even if I drove my laptop to their company, worked on the file, delete the file, took it out of the recycling bin and format the drive, they wouldn't let me.

My friend told the graphic design company that they had the permission of the client to replace the graphic design company. Meraculously all 40 were done right then and there.

How much did they charge to copy and paste text 40 times? $32,000 ($800 per language).

WTF? I could have bought the million dollar insurance for that much! My friend even explained to the client they were being robbed. I'd hate to see what they charged to design the real document for. You know what this graphic design company that has all of this money will probably go bankrupt and wonder why.

Related story: In Chicago, the city spent like $30,000 to make one form. WTF?

I'm going to start this blog and end it later. Here are the first 2:

THE MARINE

Last year around Christmas, my cousin took me to one of her army Christmas parties. My cousin has 4 kids, so her husband will often stay home with them and she will take someone else to functions. Anyway, that’s where I met the Marine. She had a unique name, but I’m going to keep the names secret.

The marine was very short, 5’, dark hair, bright expressions, tan, slightly buff with badass barbed wire tattoos on her arms. She’s a mother of 2 boys and a nurse at the ghetto hospital one of my other exes works at.

The marine had a pink forearm cast and never told me what it was from. I met her; we exchanged phone numbers, web addresses and saw each other on webcam before we set up a date.

Before our first date when we were facebook friends, I looked at videos of her. One of the videos was of her at a hotel party with her marine frat boys and her choking out one of them. Like really he was passed out, she won. The video made it seem like it was over a phone, but I’m not sure what about a phone.

The date was ridiculously early, but made sense. A 9 am coffee date. The earliest date I’ve ever had. Even though she’s only 30, she’s like a little old lady. Breaks bones easily, dressed heavily and we learned how to play cribbage together that morning. At 9 am, there was no chance at chemistry, but I’ve discovered over this past year, that’s the point of a coffee date. You don’t want chemistry.

The first date of 2010 was over, but she would be back later when I was with a different date.

THE GYM TEACHER

She’s the woman of many names. In fact I took all of those names and smushed them together one day. I met her last December at my friend’s birthday party. She’s slim, 6’ tall, half white, half black 33 year old that looks 23 and everyone is drawn to her. The night I met her I gave someone else a compliment and a whole table of 6 women melted. It was like wow, hearing all six say awwww all at once. Then the gym teacher commented that I’m a guy that should be cloned so she could marry me. Flattery will get you everywhere.

My 2 cousins were at the party and they tend to put me over. As for why the gym teacher gave me the clone compliment. I found out 2 months later, she said that thinking I was the bf or husband of one of my 2 cousins. Weeks later the gym teacher and I had a coffee date. It was a long great coffee date. It was full of laughs. I’ve had great coffee dates before.

After that we set up a second date, she bailed on it saying she’s sick. Yep that happens. Women get sick just before the second date. 6 months later I was at a party and my friend was explaining that the gym teacher found out the week after the coffee date that she was pregnant. My friend had her cousin living with her and he dated the gym teacher for 6 months. I can’t figure out why. The dude looks like a hobo and I hear he doesn’t flush. Anyway, he got her pregnant and she miscarried.

I still know her and see her at parties. Since knowing her I’ve learned she’s pretty deceptive, even from people’s comments on her Facebook. They know she’s deceptive too and it’s a big joke. Plus she always fishes for compliments on Facebook and she doesn’t need to.

I have an ex that I dated 4 years ago for 4 months and I still know her to this day. Its very sparse when we talk. Sometimes 6 months go by.

Her gpa had cancer. He was given 6 months to live. 2 months ago she invited me to his future funeral / wake. He past away on the 21st. She saw him die in front of her and she's very disturbed over this. Tomorrow is his funeral.

So I asked if she still wanted me to come and she said of course. Now I'm asking you the reading public if I should?

4 years ago for 4 months I spent every Sunday at this guy's house. I knew him, but you know what I can't remember his name. Probably because everyone called him grandpa.

However, he's the grandpa of an ex, but she invited me. But maybe her parents don't want me there, because I'm an ex. Uggg... I'm going nuts over this.

Help.

If a person were to be prescribed perkasets and sell 7 of them for $100 at 4 AM to someone that uses them for recreational use, that makes the seller a drug dealer right?

I say yes. So do my 2 friends that are nurses. But when I told that to the dealer, she freaked out about me judging her.

Who am I to judge? I take it here to the court of public opinion!

Six months ago, at a party I met a beautiful woman. She complimented me a lot. We're friends with all of the same people. We had a coffee date, that was it.

We've been facebook friends all that time. She fishes for compliments all the time. Instead of saying "I miss my kids," she says "My kids don't miss me." Then everyone is all complimentative. That's a less blatant way, but she does more blatant things.

I hid her messages, because they annoyed me so much. However, because we're friends with all the same people, I still see when other people post on her pictures and comments.

Today there was a new photo posted. 8 women posted comments about how beautiful and gorgeous she is. So I commented:
- Everyone is all focused on your looks. SadieLisaBeth, you're funny, charming and witty. You light up a room more than a 100 watt lightbulb. :-)

A dude after me commented:
- If I had a rose for every time I thought of you I would walk in a garden for eternity.

And here's the drama starter. I posted:
- Dude... maybe you're walking in a circle. Follow the exit signs.

I meant it as a joke, but that started it. She told me that he was hurt / offended by it. Why would he be hurt or offended? She told me they've been 'dating' months. When I checked her status, it said single. So I called BS and asked her about it, she said she's still single until she's engaged or married.

My opinion is I think I offended her and she was just using him as an excuse. Of course I can just go ask the guy, but hey I don't want to get that involved.

So yesterday my cousin threw a party. She throws a lot of parties. She's 21. Last night's party I felt was the Jerry Springer party.


1. Someone and her little sister show up. The little sister is 16 and wants to be drinking and light up pot. Like immediately getting there. My cousin did the same thing at her age, but now that my cousin is 21, she knows that she'd go to jail for letting a minor do that.

The sister needs to be ejected.

2. Another girl was there... I know she's slept with 1 guy there and got HPV from him. That guy slept with HER SISTER to get back at her and gave her HPV too. These pair of sisters have slept with 3 of the same guys. Jerry Springer.

So then my cousin texts me she doesn't like the guy he brought. The guy he brought is a stoner, just laid on the couch all night watching cartoons. Then I showed the slut... and she said she's slept with him too and he's good in bed... but he's a lump on the couch.

I text my cousin wondering if I'm the only guy there that hasn't slept with the slut. My cousin confirms.


3. The slut had her 4 year old there, because originally there was going to be another 4 year old there. One of the guys starts calling the 4 year old an asshole to his face with his mama there. Lovely.

4. There's a black guy that's in love with my cousin's older sister. This sister is married with 4 kids. To stay close to my cousin's sister, he likes to pretend to be my cousin's friend. He's a big jerk. He comes into the party, starts insulting people. Its really just how he is. He thinks its funny. Its kinda like a game he plays, he'll give you 3 hours of insults, then give you a compliment at the end.

Anyway, he takes an pizza with 1 slice eaten and throws it in the garbage and says... I didn't think anybody was eating it anymore.

5. Because it was a pool party... and the house had the AC on, the girls didn't want to go into the cold house to go pee, so what they did is wrapped towels around themselves, went to the side of the pool and peed. 2 girls... peed there probably 6x each. Classy.

6. The party ended at 1 am. It started at 3:30 pm. Then at 3 am someone shows up. That's what I call the cleanup crew. Shows up when all the women are drunk. He was very intent on coming in to party... when everyone was asleep. I ended up waking up. I had no idea who he was, he had no idea who I was.

So I had to wake up my cousin. She didn't know him either! Apparently he heard about the party at a bar with someone else that was previously at the party and left. Awesome.

7. One girl shows up minus her bf and his kid. He didn't come home the previous night. That could mean anything. Its not the first time. He claims he got trashed and crashed at wherever he was, while she was home baby sitting his son. They live together.

She ended up taking him back... because he lives in her house. Its either kick him out or take him back.

8. Another girl at the party has been having problems for a full week. Her bf of 3 years has been found to be cheating on her for a full year. He has 2 facebook accounts. So someone found her and said you must be Dan's other gf. This girl then presented photographic evidence of it. X-rated evidence in a house my friend has never seen. He and his friends claim the photos are photoshoped. My friend and I both work in the industry and they're not photoshopped. He says its someone at his work messing with him. Funny thing is, he's really racist, and the pics were with a black girl.

Anyway, she decided to take a weekend off to be with him, because he presented phone records proving he's never called her at all, therefore its someone lying. I say phone records can be forged, esp when they went a week without talking.

Jerry Springer here we come!~

My friend's sister was 16 and met a deadbeat that is too good for a job. She had a baby when she was 16 and he was 18. Now a year later they were legal to get married. So they got married 2 months ago.

He's still too good for a job.

They were given a car by her father. Like he went out and bought them a dependable car, so they don't have to keep taking his.

I saw them this weekend, because they dropped by so my friend's sister could borrow some of my friend's fetish clothes to go to the local Gay Pride parade. Nothing says Gay Pridelike a married couple with a 1 year old.

So anyway, when it came time to leave. They went out in the car with their baby. Then the girl realized she forgot something. So she came back in.

She was in for a minute. He came back in to motivate her to leave. He didn't bring his baby. So I looked out the window. Down on the street was their car... open car door, busy neighborhood. Lots of people, lots of kids / teens.

I got on his case about leaving his kid down in a car with the door open, when he could have honked or sent a text or called to tell her to hurry. He said that he left the door open so the car door doesn't happen to lock.

That probably means he left his kid in a running car (for the AC) with the door open and the keys in the ignition in a busy neighborhood that they've never been to.

He didn't see the problem.

18 months ago, I dated a girl for 3 months. It ended. After that I would always try to say hi here and there. She'd flat out ignore me. I got the picture and deleted her number. Last February we had a single date again after she started talking to me last December. The date went pretty well, it looked like she didn't sleep since I last saw her in almost a year. Then nothing.

In a mass text I wished everyone a Happy Easter. She was one of them, because she was in my phone again. She text me back saying its been a year since I saw her and I need to stop talking to her. She forgot about the date 2 months earlier I guess. I deleted her number, but I still recognize it due to how easy it is.

Now its been 2 months and she wishes me a Happy Birthday. Its not my birthday for exactly 1 month. When I told her its not my birthday, she said she saw online that it is. Not only would I not mess up my own birthday online, but after having a psychotic ex with friends online, I block anyone from seeing me who is not already listed as a friend. Plus to top it off, she and I were never friends on Facebook or Myspace, because she didn't have either one when we dated. I didn't have Facebook until after her.

I thinking that she must want a date or something even after telling me to bug off and ignoring me for a year. Here is my evidence:
1. After not wanting to talk to me she would talk to me.
2. She would remember approximately my birthday.
3. She would bother to wish me happy birthday.
4. She would still have my number.
5. She wants me to call tomorrow (that doesn't mean she'll answer).

Am I thinking too much into it?

My friend works on the fire department and has worked there for 6 years. She's former Navy and is an avid hunter with a big blue truck. She's a wonderful person and a great human being.

Well Sunday I was with her and her big blue truck was pulled over for going 55 in a 35.

The officer checked her liscense and registration and when he came back he told her that he could give her 2 tickets right then and there. BUT she's a firefighter and plenty of people at his office know her. She made sure to have the cop say hi to X, Y and Z back at the station.

So he let her go. That's great, but he didn't let her go out of the kindness of his heart. He let her go because of who she is and who she knows.

I feel that is wrong. She was going 55 in a 35 and with her big blue truck, she could easily kill a kid in that neighborhood if they lost a ball and ran out into a street.

Now she and I have had a fight over this, because I feel that she should have gotten a ticket and she's not above the law. She was clearly in the wrong, but she got off for being a fire fighter. Its like if a mayor were busted in a prostitution sting and the cops said... lets let him go, he's a mayor and we all know him!

Am I just being a spaz?

To set this up, this is from my cousin Russel who is much older than me. I am this girl's exact age.

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Hi Geo. I dont know if you have a regular girl friend but there is a neighborhood girl who is the daughter of my buddie down the street, she is 29 yrs. old -- Her name is Jenny and her cell number is--( taken out )....she said if you call her, that she probably would be up to going out.. I told her that you are a nice and good looking guy and not a jerk like some guys--she is a nice looking girl who talks real fast and could probably use a guy to show her a litttle about life..you got nothing to lose---take her to a movie and culvers for a turtle yogert or something like that...

Let me know how it works out

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So... any thoughts on how I should proceed? I particularly like the part about "show her a little about life." That's a compliment right?

I went to a Seether concert this weekend. My gf was about to pass out, so we went to the nearest open window. While we were there, I people watched :-) Drunks, asses hanging under dresses, douchebag singers from opening bands.

Then on the staircase that was going down, there was a really chesty girl arguing with her bf/ friend / dude she was with. He starts slapping her hand down... Like nothing against her body, just her arms. He's yelling at her, she's not yelling back.

So what caused it? 2 minutes earlier I saw her at the bar, she gave the bartender a grab with her guy right there.

I just found it interesting.

I was hired to make software for 1 kiosk, now it is in 1,000 kiosks. Am I entitled to some kind of liscensing fee? I aksed my manager and he said that I was hired to make software and its the client's choice what to do with it. I think of Microsoft's stance, which is, it's in 1,000 computers (in kiosks).

The kiosks ship out on Monday and get sold to buildings. The company makes money off of selling the kiosk and providing service charge to run and operate it. I'm really feeling ripped off at this point. Am I in the wrong for feeling this way?

I met someone's entire family this weekend. I've never met this entire family, but I felt like I've met them before. Clearly, I have never met any of them, they live 6 hours away and have never been in my state.

The feeling wasn't dejavu. It was just a feeling like I've met them.

Earlier that afternoon, I watched an X-Files episode where Fox was stuck in the same day. Forced to relive the same day over and over. Eventually strangers became familiar to him.

I have an incredible memory. In fact, I wish I could forget things. So I came up with the idea that I've already met them before, because I either relived that day over and over without realizing it, or I relive the same life over and over when I die.

My friend that died once said it didn't work like that for her. When she was dead, she was dead. No restart. However, when she died, she wasn't burried, therefore it didn't end. She also said there were no bright lights. She didn't know she died until she was told she died.

Let me tell ye all about this one. My friend dated a girl for 2 years, this girl moved to Chicago to be with my friend after a few months. Then after a few more months, she started to go to a university in MN for her masters or doctorite or whatever higher education. This past summer, the girl was flying back to Chicago to see my friend for a week long break. My friend wanted to dump her for 3 months, he kept talking about it and talking about it. He was gonna wait to see her to dump her face to face. Instead, my friend dumped her via the phone just as this girl was boarding the plane.

My friend told her not to come, but it was way too late! My friend bailed on picking her up at the airport. Instead I got a call. This girl knows everyone, yet knows no one but me. She has billions of aquaintances and net friends, but I'm the only real friend.

This is the summarized version of my week of Hell.

So I went to the airport, picked her up and she stayed with me the entire week. I discovered why my friend wanted to dump her. She's dominatrix gorgeous, a fetish model, but probably the highest maintainance girl I've ever met. She's only extremely high maintainance because of her food allergies and pickiness I suppose.

I called my friend at some point on my way to the airport. There was no answer, so I left a very angry message. Its now been 6 months and I've still never heard from the friend again after 17 years. I even remember my friend telling me not to know this girl for any circumstance. However, I didn't listen and the FM and I became friends. My friend also warned me that she tries to get in your head and use that like Hannibal Lectur, and after knowing this girl for 18 months, I'd have to say that's pretty true.

This girl had a free ticket, because her best friend is a pilot (We all should be so lucky), so she flew in for free. I picked her up, we drove 2 hours to meet a friend of hers in a different city. As it turns out, she's never actually met this friend before that moment. We had Chinese food, because she's allergic to everything it seems. That and she's fluent in Chinese.

We went shopping at a special food store called "Whole Foods." In my area, the nearest one is an hour away, which one time is fine, but she demanded to go every day for a lunch.

The reason why she was coming home other than to be with my friend was the three of us were going to attend the Chicago ComiCon. Her roommate from MN was supposed to come with her, and I'm happy he didn't.

At the time I was dating my psychotic ex for a month, before she went psychotic. I had already dumped her twice, and this would have been the perfect oppertunity to dump her again.

Anyway, having a beautiful fetish model stay at my place would have put me into the "wrong" catagory, so my girlfriend invited us both to stay with her in her place. So that's exactly what we did. I've got nothing to hide, and I know jealousy issues arise when having someone beautiful stay with you, when you're dating someone else.

They could not have been more different, in fact one night when we were eating $40 a plate sushi (the girl's idea), I pointed out how my girlfriend had red hair with a white hoody and tan skin, and the fetish model had a black hoody with black hair and pale skin. The model is jewish, the girlfriend is strict Christian. The first night went hospitable, yet disasterous. The batteries in my air mattress blew up and I had to buy a new pump at 2 or 3 am.

The second day with her there, my girlfriend revealed how truly insane she was. After waiting 3 hours for the fetish model to get ready, we went shopping at our local giant mall. The fetish model had laid a towel out like I used to before my girlfriend trained me. I was to blame for that, before the FM jumped in and said she left it. Then the FM would later point out that she thinks there's a hint of a psychotic personality in my girlfriend.

Later, when we went to the mall, we went into an expensive sunglasses store for an hour and walked out empty handed. Which is more than I can say for one woman there. The FM got bored and went out into the main area of the mall, while my GF stuck a $300 pair of sunglasses into a woman's purse. Just for laughs. I saw her do it, but I didn't realize what she was doing at the time. Then we quickly left at her idea. Then a minute later the woman left and the alarms went off, then I realized what she did. She saw it as a prank, the FM and I saw it as her being childish.

All throughout the stay, they both would comment to me how terrible the other one was. I would always bring up, well I could just dump her and have the FM stay at my house. Nope, neither one wanted me to do that. Although that would have been for the best.

The third day was the first day of ComiCon. We just about saw everything in 2 hours. It was dull, because it was a weekday. At noon, the FM was getting hungry, so she wanted to drive to a Chinese restaurant, because this was before she started making me go to Whole Foods every single day to pick up lunch. Well at ComiCon there is a parking garage that costs $18 to leave. I didn't want to pay $18 twice, so we walked with my GPS leading the way. There were heavy clouds overhead that blocked the GPS from getting a signal, so I used it like a map. I found the closest one and guided us using the GPS map. We got there, before the rain and had some good Chinese food. Then my GPS got a signal and we had walked 3 miles to get there! Then on the way back, that's when the thunderstorm came. At first it was sprinkles, then it was a thunderstorm. We had no umbrella. I told her that god hates Jews, so that's why he was punnishing us.

The fourth day was a more active ComiCon, with some nice costumes. It was also the BattleStar Galactica panel. Neither one of us had watched the show, and there was a panel of 2 people. The old captain (Garcia?) would talk 10 minutes about each question, so long that we'd forget the question. We would fall asleep listening! I know I sure did!

After ComiCon, it was a rush home to pick up the GF and go to the $40 a plate Sushi place... which was located right next to the Whole Foods. The FM has serious food allergies, she's allergic to Gluton, Milk and everything else under the sky. The waiter didn't take her food allergies seriously at all. He confirmed that the food didn't have gluton, then he brought it out, then the FM said double check, and he did. Then he said, yes it has gluton. She went off on him, which was oye. Bad. Then my girlfriend decided to prank him by saying its the FM's birthday. Its not. I had to go back into the kitchen before they made this chocolate cake thing for her on behalf of her birthday. I told the waiter, he seemed hurt that he would get lied to. Oye.

Then the FM stiffed the waiter on tip, and in fact the manager asked her why she stiffed him on tip. Then the waiter came over to hear why. The whole gluton = death thing. Then she went on to say how she spent 4 months in the hospital in early 2K9 because she had gluton.

On the way home, my GF and the FM got into an arguement about the tips. Then they got into an arguement about cancer, war, and religion. After letting them have a heated arguement for 30 minutes, I told them... can we just talk about puppies and kittens? So I literally started talking about puppies and kittens for 10 minutes so it would keep them shut up. They were laughing at me :-)

Day 3 of ComiCon had the cast of New Moon there. My GF badly wanted to go, and bring her 3 year old son. I felt bad, but we denied her going because of her son. Its like taking a kid to the toy store and not being able to buy anything or play with anything. As for the New Moon thing, it was hilarious, because they had a 1,000 seat room packed with 200 people. It was pathetic. They started it off with a raise of hands, how many men? There were 25, then a raise of hands of men who have read any Twiglight book. There were only 5 and I wasn't one of them. We only stayed 10 minutes, but seeing the stars insult the books was funny because of how the crowd thought they were laughing with them... when the stars were laughing at Twiglight.

We met up with someone she knew pretty well. He was a nice big huggable comic book lover. Have they ever met before? Nope, but she's known him on the net forever. I'm detecting a theme :-)

More interesting than that, they knew each other through a mutual friend that she knows in person. She was this person's dominatrix. Then the person went all crazy and wouldn't leave her alone. That is just another clue.

As it turns out, on that 5th day, someone that the FM knew was in town! A former coworker from MN. This girl was an angel, born in Russia, moved to the US, and very lovable, inquisative and very wonderful to be around. We picked her up in the heart of Chicago from her hotel. She's very opposite to the FM. It also seemed like they didn't know one another that well. Once we picked her up, I ended up going the wrong way down a one way street, twice! We had dinner with my GF and her son, the Russian was enchanted by my GF's son. The Russian is also the sweatiest beautiful woman I've ever known. Of course it was in the summer. Then my GF and her son went home, and I gave the girls a "Dark Knight tour" of Chicago's underground. It was fun and magical, in fact I posted a blog about it on myspace.

On the sixth day, after doing the Dark Knight tour, we went to our local auto museum and saw plenty of movie vehicles and replicas with the FM and my GF. They wanted to be there a lot more than I did.

Day 7, I dropped the FM back at the airport for her free ride home. I was her chauffer for 7 days straight without her so much as offering to pay for gas or parking. The Russian offered to pay for gas.

The next day, my GF was asking me if she ever said thank you. I thought long and hard about it, but you know what? She nor I never heard one thank you at all. It was just like the girl expected it. Maybe it was the stress of getting dumped on the phone and bailed on at the airport that she forgot.

Now its 6 months later and this is the reason why I'm posting this... the FM is going to be meeting a boy from Canada. Yay! Why does this involve me? It shouldn't, but it does. Back in November, she asked if it would be okay if she flew here. I said, yeah sure. She asked if she could stay at my place. I have no problem with that. Then in December, she asked if her friend could stay too. I know her definition of friend. Friend is usually someone she's never ever met before, but she knows on the Internet. Sure enough, I was right! Basically, she's meeting a guy from Canada, and even though she has a place of her own with a roommate in MN which is a lot closer than Chicago, she wants to meet this guy in Chicago. Huh? That makes no sense. She gave me a sob story about her roommate how he's abusive and thinks they're together, but she can't throw him out and meeting this Canadian is her chance to get out of her place. What?

That was the point that I started seeing it like I'm sure my friend saw it, she's just living off the kindness of others. The pilot brings her for free, the fact she moved from SD to Chicago to be with my friend, then moved to MN and is living with a guy that thinks they're together, and now there's a guy in Canada?

To top that off, at my work, we sent someone to China, so I was helping her learn Chinese. I picked it up surprisingly well. Since the FM is fluent in Chinese and is getting a doctorite in Traditional Chinese Medicine, I asked her if I could recite some Chinese just to see if I'm pronouncing it correctly. She said no. Huh? No? Its talking on the phone. She said to find someone who is Chinese and recite it to them? She couldn't even help me over the phone and she wants to stay for free?

Naturally I told her no she can't stay... fuck no... She starts guilt tripping me and calling me a flake and WE made these plans months ago. I told her a flake is someone that ditches her at the airport, I'm giving her a few weeks to find someone else. That's called backing out.

So after 2 months of warning, today is the day she's flying in. I'm not picking her up, she's not staying here, but I wonder how her pon-far goes with the Canadian.