Sharessa

So I'm getting plenty too old to be single anymore. Unfortunately, every single woman I meet is married or engaged. I'm serious. I hate bars and seem to have bad experiences in them all the time, and there's really no where else to meet people around here. So my sister suggested I try a dating site.

Anyone have any experiences with such things and can recommend a good one?

My penis is five inches long.

Erect.

I am such a fucking retard. I have lost another friend. Soon the only people I will have left to talk to will be all the morons on the internet.

You know, I've come to a conclusion that I have wasted the greater part of my twenty years of life (well not really, I kind of came to that conclusion a long time ago, but at least this time I have an obvious target). You see, I have ralised that playing games is pretty damn pointless. Okay, so you have a game and you play it, and suck, so you try again and eventualy get better. Then you finaly get good enough to beat the game and get the high score. But what then? You have a fucking sequence of electronic digits on some machine that you'll probably throw out in a year to get a better one to play games with, games that have more shiny stuff made by some nerdy programmer that hasn't seen the outside world for seven months, something that looks closer to reality, or what he thinks is reality though he hasn't seen it in so long that he has forgotten.

And really, all this immersion crap. Do you really want to make yourself more a part of some virtual reality, to digitise yourself and disconnect from the real world? If that's what life is about, I think death would be a salvation. Better that you cut yourself off from the real world. Better that you spend countless hours locked away in your tiny unlit room so you can get the fucking power up and win the damn game. Again I shall say that the future the sci-fi authors always warned us about is now upon us. We are now more concerned about technology than our well being. Tis a sacrifice I shall not make.

There are so many things I should have done/should be doing/should...no WILL do that I have instead wasted countless hours on stupid fucking simulated life and tireing clickfests. There are so many thigns I'd much rather do. My time would be better spent listening to music, absorbing every minute piece of the composition and enjoying the lyrical poetry. It would be better spent hugging women, being embraced by their warmth and softness. It would be better spent smoking weed, inhaling the flavorfull scent while it sends the gears in my mind in directions I never knew existed. It would be better spent hiking along trails amongst the wildlife we have so long ago left and forgotten about. It would be better spent chatting with old friends about times we had or whatever the big philosophical debate of the day is. There are some things you just cannot do by yourself in front of some video screen.

I've seriously been thinking recently of selling all of my games. I've also thought of selling ym computer as well, but then I realised I woudlnt be able to compose music without it. Really, technology should be a tool, not a crutch or method of attempting to change reality.

Also, it hasnt just been computer games I've been thinking about rejecting. I don't think I can do role-playing games anymore. Its all about stupid elves and their shiny +20 Longswords of Stabbing and Mortally Wounding Half-Dragons and what not. Big fucking deal. I don't want to pretend to be someone else. I just want to be me. I like me. I'm a very neat person and people tell me so. I'm not some faggot elf. Well anyway, I kind of have to continue playing it for now because pretty much all my friends play it. It's basicaly my only social outlet. I only have two friends who arent into that, and one is a self-proclaimed hermit/messiah so he's not too much into the whole society thing, and the other is pretty much always at her boyfriend's or art school.

Oh well, I needed to rant. There are so many things I need to do with my life.

Here are some things about me that probably certify me as a total dork.

- Labyrinth, Tron, and Yellow Submarine are three of my favorite movies of all time.

- I spend most of my creativity on my D&D campaign.

- I've been listening to Michael Jackson recently.

- I play World of Warcraft and I enjoy it.

- I buy CDs. Not only that, but I intend to buy pretty much every album I've downloaded that's on my HD right now, just because I hate not owning the actual album. I have well over 100 CDs right now, and intend to double that collection.

- I've turned down sex on principle on multiple occasions, though I'm still a virgin.

- I seriously have some kind of chivalric code that I follow. See above.

- Cooking and baking are a couple of my all-time favorite hobbies.

- I can recite random facts about nearly any subject, but I have no practical application for anything whatsoever.

Possibly more to come...

So a month ago or so I failed to notice a particular anniversary of mine: the 10-year mark of me registering on these forums. I can't really believe it's been that long.

Over the years, pretty much all of the old regulars have either left or become irregulars, and some of the old lurkers are now prolific posters on these forums. The website's founders have pretty much all buggered off, but it still seems to be in good hands. I've met many people through this website, and many I still talk to, even ones who don't post here anymore. Many of these people I'd consider friends, and a couple I've even met in real life. We've also lost a few people along the way, which is tragic, but life goes on.

It's kind of funny that when I joined the site there was only speculation on weather or not there would be a Doom 3, and exactly what would be in the game. Some thought that it would be a travesty for it not to be sprite-based, some thought there should be a quad-barreled shotgun. Not long after, the Mac World video was released and speculation became anticipation. Now 10 years later, Doom 3 is old but still seems to rank right up there with modern games in terms of graphics, and now it's confirmed there will be a Doom 4. We're still waiting for Rage, however.

Speaking of long development times, Duke Nukem Forever was a joke by the time I joined up here, and look at it now, coming out in a month or two. What the hell?

As for myself, I was in high school when I joined up here. I'd browse the forums when I got done with my work in HTML class (which was always pretty quick, as that class was really easy for me). I'd like to say a lot has changed since then, but aside from graduating, growing a beard, and getting a job, not much really has. I'm still hanging out with my friend from high school, playing the same games with them, and I'm unfortunately living with a parent again (though I did have my own place for 2 1/2 years, so that was fun).

Well yeah, that was just my retrospective on the last ten years.

Lost my job today. Applied for unemployment already. I have about $10 in the bank, half a tank of gas, low on food, and $1600 in debt.

Needless to say, I am not in a good mood.

Dear Die-ary,

Today, I asked the girl I love if she had the same feelings for me. The answer came back as a negative in the form of a 'just friends' statement. This just reinforces the fact that I suck at everything.

Sometimes I wonder about myself.

EDIT: Oh yeah, and:

Boo hoo, I'm such a goth. Look at me!

Confucius say "he who hires prostitute in north Japan has Ainu sex".

So I spent last weekend passing a kidney stone. Let me tell you, it is in no way fun. Feels like someone stabbed you in the kidneys then kicked you in the balls, then the pain doesn't go away for about 4 days. So anyway, I'm glad I'm done with that. Now I just have to wait for the hospital bill and hope it doesn't bankrupt me. I think I might be able tog et the whole thing paid off by the government, though, considering I'm a poor bastard.

Oh, and yesterday I bought a copy of Heavy Metal for the first time. It's...interesting. I've been interested in the magazine for years, especially since I found out that Moebius did design work for every sci-fi movie I've ever loved, ever. I think now I need to start hunting down some old issues from the 70s with his work in them.

Turns out my version of XChat was just a 30-day trial, and it has ended. What to do...

After a lot of experience, I have been able to classify many types of depression. Here is a rudimentary outline:

Whiney Depression
This is a mild for of depression where you're not really THAT depressed, but you just have to whine about it. You become an attention whore, complaining to everyone how much your life SUUUCKS! No one will like you for this.

Moodyness
This is a mild but persistant depression. You're basicaly really bummed about everyhting. Kind of an opposite of Whiney Depression, you don't want to talk about it to anyone. If anyone ever asks you what's wrong, you simply reply "fuck off", or usualy something less because you don't feel like putting out the effort to communicate with anyone.

Loneliness (Depressed Mode)
This is where you just wish you could cuddle up with someone, but you have no one to love. The best way to deal with this by listening to some sad love music. Depeche Mode is my favorite, but Sister Machine Gun, The Smashing Pumpkins, and even Cake work for this. You can probably find something that suits you better, like The Cure or something. Usualy, this leads to Tearful Depression, but this will only last an hour or two, after which you'll actual feel a lot better.

Tearful Depression
This is when you feel so alone that you want to cry. Don't hold back because it just hurts. If you let it out, you'll feel a lot better in a short amount of time, after which a walk is reccomended.

Black Despair
This is Loneliness or Tearful Depression at an advanced state. You feel doomed that you'll never be with the one you love (usualy someone specific). Unlike Tearful Depression, it is impossible to hold it back. The only thing you can do is wait it out. Unfortunately, its not quite that easy. You end up crying yourself to sleep most of the time, then waking up in some other form of depression (usualy not quite as severe though).

Cold and Emotionless
Usualy stemming from some philosophical soul-searching with a conclusion that everything is pointless, this is when you have absolutely no emotion. Congratulations, you can now become a true Rivethead. If that wasnt what you were looking for, a good cure is to listen to some bleak music (Skinny Puppy being my favorite) or read some Johnny the Homicidal Maniac (Wobbly-Headed Bob especialy) comics. This helps you to know someone else shares a defeatist attitude with you. I suppose something like Fight Club would work as well. Just look for anything that is either industrial or defeatist.

Megalomania
This is an advanced stage of Cold and Emotionless where you think "the world sucks because it isn't like me...the only solution is to subjugate everyone and make them think like me. The same remedies as Cold and Emotionless apply, with the addition of listening to stuff like KMFDM and playing Civilization or similar games.

Nihilistic Depression
Another advanced stage of Cold and Emotionless and also related to Megalomania, this is when you rech the conclusion that the only way to end the world's suffering is to take it apart one step at a time. Do not act on anything that pops into your head, because you'll likely wind up dead or imprisoned. Though this doesnt sound too bad now, you'll probably regret it later. Instead, try the afforementioned methods under Cold and Emotionless and Megalomania.

Paranoid Depression
This is reached after certain bouts of Cold and Emotionless. You calculate in your mind that 2+2=4, and not 5 like the governemnt has been telling you all along. More likely than not, you've got it backwards but it doesnt matter to you. Until you finaly find that missing piece of evidence that completely invalidates your entire theory, you could go raving for hours. Unfortunately, modern politics are pretty scary as they are, so the best way to avoid this is to avoid political discussions entirely, and stay the Hell away from the internet.

Self-Destructive Depression
This is a pretty nasty yet suprisingly widespread form of depression. A great deal of people I have met with have this which results in someone frothing with passive-agressive behavior or sometimes full-out agression. More introverted people usualy resort to slicing their veins open or attempting to OD. This isn't really suicide, more of a cry for help.

Suicidal Depression
This is when Self-Destructive Depression gets serious. Instead of acting it out on others or acting it out dramaticaly, you just try to take the Great Plunge. Often times, you get flashes of those who love you in your head, which really snaps you out of it. If that doesn't happen, then luckily you'll screw up or something and wake up on the floor with bloody all over your arms.

The Great Collapse
For the first time in months, you finaly feel great, absolutely wonderful. Things are going swimmingly for you. You've been feeling stupendous all week. Then suddenly BAM! You're back in your depression and it's pretty bad. Unfortunately, I have no idea what triggers this and it's pretty hard to get out of. After all, you were just feeling awesome and this depression comes and gets a hold of you....real shitty. The best solution is to wait it out. This may be a sign of manic depression.



There might be more I'll add to this later, and some stuff I'll split etc. I could probably create much more categories from expereicne. Actualy, I had a lot of fun doing this. I might make a website out of this or something.

Gah,mixing peppermint schnapps and Jack Daniels then following it up with a WHite Russian is probably the stupidest thign I've ever done. I can barely see straight and it feels like my brain has a 10-lb weight on it. :(

And now mmy left arm is all numb. geh

Which one is Fraggle?

And which one is Bill Gates?

Of these bands/musicians, which is your favorite?

OMG celebrations and tribute.

Also, I'm not dead, I've just been doing some of this...



...and a lot of this...

Yeah, I'm one more year closer to 30 today. And I don't have any time off to celebrate. Kind of pissed off at that. Anyway, yep it's my birthday. Happy birthday to Manc as well, if he still posts here.

When I was growing up there were a few movies I used to watch over and over again, and most of them ended up becoming some of my all-time favorites and they remind me of my childhood. Here's a quick list:

The Blues Brothers
Tron
Dune
Ghostbusters
Little Shop of Horrors
The Great Muppet Caper (haven't seen that one in YEARS)
Star Wars
The Empire Strikes Back
Return of the Jedi
Pink Floyd's The Wall
Wayne's World

So what was it you watched religiously when you were kids?

DOOM 3 RELEASE ANNOUNCED


(There, now that theres an obvious statement under it, it looks just like a political cartoon.)

http://www.epsilonminus.com/darquedungeon/

A parody of this:

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0046/0046_01.asp?repeatfrom3yearsago

I thought there couldn't be anything funnier than Chick tracts. I was wrong.

So there I was, I had just blown the S.A.M. mission for the hundredth time and I was beginning to boil over in frustration. But what's that? Someone left a police boat nearby? YOINK! So I drove around through the waves for a bit and through the channel between Shoreside Vale and Staunten Island, towards my hideout out that way. Then I decided to crash the boat somewhere and go the rest of the way by land. I found the perfect spot. A stretch of road near the water. Maybe I could crash into a car or block traffic for a white.

So I revved up the engine and went for it. I smashed into the shore and flew up onto the road, smashing a light pst over on my way. I skidded right over the roadway and then *SPLASH*. What, where am I? It appeared that I had went right over the roadway and into the tiny pond on the otherside where i could pilot my boat freely. So I did for a bit, but that got boring. Next I tried turning the boats guns on the nearby pedestrians who were way to uninterested in my cool discovery, but the rounds flew over their heads and they remained nonplused. So I parked my little ship by the roadside to get another perspective on the situation. Hmm, despite the fact that that's an armed police boat, it looked a little like a quiet fishing hole.

But alas, all good things must come to an end. I sent the boat off in what resembled a backwards Viking funeral. That appeared to be the end of that, but I was wrong. The friendly neighbourhood populace decided to give my lovely vessel some kind of wake/baptism.

Then everybody died.

I feel like starting another megawad I'll probably never finish, but I can't decide which idea to go with.

Option 1
A re-imagining of Doom done in vanilla Ultimate Doom with no added textures either. I'd just make the levels big and more like what they are named after but just with my level of detail, not the uber-detail people have a hard-on for these days. No shareware restrictions either, so there would be lost souls and BFGs in episode 1.

Option 2
A fairly generic Skulltag single-player megawad. I have ideas for different level themes I could make in Doom (storage area, prison, gateway to Hell) and I could just run them together. There aren't very many single-player Skulltag wads so I think it would be cool.

Option 3
A combination of the two. Re-imagine the Doom 1 levels but in Doom 2 with all the Skulltag stuff.

So anyway, I can't decide which to do, so I'm letting you decide. YES, YOU! Vote today and recieve a free* car!! Offer is good while supplies last**!!!

* Offer only good in the Republic of Montenegro
** Supplies = 0

And me too, I guess.

Donald Fagen


Danarchy

That was before I knew anything about Steely Dan, so the pose is pure coincidence.

To whatever admin/mod changed my title. I was actually looking for someone to change it to exactly that. :P